Telling a 11 year old to be home at 7

[FreshStart2025]

Recently started secondary school, enjoying the new found freedom with friends. I think it’s reasonable to be home at 7pm for dinner, homework, shower and to chill before bed at 9pm.

She thinks this is totally unreasonable.

How does everyone manage children playing out on a school night?

yabu - Let her stay out later
yanbu - 7pm is late enough

This, 100%.

I think people whose children are in the park early evening maybe should pop by themselves sometimes to check what is happening and who they are hanging out with. Some toe curling stuff seems to go on in our park with young teens. Recent examples are my 59 year old partner being propositioned and harassed, a girl randomly punched in face by a boy, two young teens shagging in full view in the shelter... I am old and kids long grown but mine would not be out in the evening unless at a planned event, friends house or proper outing.

The park is very family friendly. I frequently walk the dog at that time and have never seen any anti social behaviour although not to say it doesn’t happen.

I mean, if children are not encouraged to play in the park, there aren’t many alternatives. I wish we had a youth group or similar. Obviously they can do structured activities but nice to have free play also (like I did as a child).

This! It’s good for kids to be out and about. As long as there’s time for dinner and homework, then I would say be back when it’s dark.

It would depend what they were doing, and how good they were at letting me know where they were. At a friend’s house - don’t outstay your welcome. At the park - as long as you are with a group you can stay later, but you’ll have to warm up your own dinner. Off for a bike ride? Keep your phone tracker on and make sure you have lights. I prefer negotiation to hard deadlines.

Agree.

Nobody hangs out in parks where I live. It's simply not done.

And quite frankly, when I was growing up, it was only kids who were looking for trouble and kids who found it who hung out in the evenings outdoors.

Of course 7pm is fine, some of these responses are insane 😂

Same here and still don’t do that now teens, they are very sociable but don’t just hang out in the street/park in the evening.

Maybe this is just something that varies massively by area, which I suppose does make sense.

Our local park is usually full of primary age kids while it is still light in the evening. There is a football pitch there too which is used by lots of kids that age (including my 11year old DS and his friends). It is fairly overlooked by the houses on the estate, which maybe helps.....the parents of many of the kids playing there can keep half an eye on what is going on. There are also plenty of parents with younger children there until quite late in the summer as well! It isn't full of teenagers up to no good, not at that sort of time at least! I've walked that way very often in the evening with the dog, as has DH, as the path around the edge is also popular with dog walkers.

I do realise that not all local parks are quite the same and I will try to appreciate ours a bit more in future, having read a number of comments in here suggesting that children playing at the local park is very unusual and that all sorts of trouble happens. We are not in a posh area either - on the edge of a big council estate, but are clearly pretty lucky with what we have!

And where I live (certainly up to at least 7pm) parks are full of families playing, joggers, cyclists, dog walkers and middle aged women walking and chatting.
Teenagers hang out in them because they are convenient.

There is a small park (a glorified field really) just outside my DC's school. Loads of the school children hang out there after school, sometimes for half an hour, sometimes for longer. The park is totally open (nowhere to hide) and also near shops, the doctors' surgery, a block of old people's flats, as well as near the school so gets heavy footfall through and nearby. If a teenager so much as drops a small piece of litter it is posted all over local social media. It's not unknown for my DC to message "hanging out in park, back for dinner" when they finish school. They are not "looking for trouble" - they are simply taking advantage of the nice evening to hang out with their friends because they all live in different directions.

I think it's a shame that so many posters on these threads jump to the conclusion that other parents have "feral" children rather than thinking that posters probably have a better idea of their local area, than they do.

Yes - the whole 'feral' or 'roaming the streets ' narrative is so sad. Children SHOULD be outside playing in an ideal world - yes, we don't live in an ideal world and I know very well that many people live in places where they are too far from green space, too much traffic or the local park is not a place parents feel is safe etc.

Kids need to be a bit lairy, to take some risks, to enjoy their teen years! By making friends without parents teachers or 'club leaders' constantly monitoring their behaviour.

If we can acknowledge that - we can see that some teens are going to get to 16/ - even 18 and barely have had any independent time with their peers where they make decisions or organise their own social interactions -

And they are certainly not going to be active enough - for kids who can't afford clubs there is a real risk that we are seeing large numbers of young people go home after school and barely move til morning.

My 15 year old has to be home by 7pm on weeknights 8pm on weekends. However when I was in secondary I had to be home by 9.30pm and I was up to no good🤣

7pm is fine at that age and at this time of year. Better out in fresh air than at home stuck in front of technology.

Same.
I think I was only just allowed out of our gates at 11 (1989) but I did feel quite mollycoddled by my mum.
I did grow up to learn my mum was sexually abused at the age of 10, so I can understand why she was so strict about me going out even though her monster was her bil. I did go to the cinema with friends when I was 12 without her knowing and that was a bus ride of probably half an hour or a little more. I told her when I got home, she wasn’t impressed. I was trying to show her that I could be responsible.
We were a single family household.

My son is ten and a half and I cannot imagine him going over the park on his own and we are fortunate to have 2 literally on our doorstep. He is ND though. ADHD and autism but he is also impressionable. If some ‘cool’ kid told him to do something, he could possibly do it and I cannot have that. Besides, my anxiety would also be through the roof not being able to know what he’s getting up to. I don’t want to be the mum of a kid that people say, oh God don’t look now…. Or something to that effect

In bed before 7pm at 11? Wow they’re not a toddler

WhatsApp is social media!!!

And has age restrictions.

I let my 11yo have it on his phone but with strict caveats. He ever breaks the rules, WA is gone.

Why do I immediately think about what was going on in Rotterdam with some girls?

Sorry but my Y7 has to come immediately home after school. If he leaves somewhere I got to know where he is going and with who, for how long plus i have a GPS location where he is.

Because you’ve fallen victim to a moral panic. I could counter that with online grooming or adolescent depression for children with such small lives.

Yes, there are always dangers of online grooming and that is why we should have control at this age of the content they access.

Not sure why running outside or in other kids houses day by day until 11 pm would be considered a prevention of depressions. They have homework to do too.

Wow, this whole post is a complete eye opener for me...14 year olds that arent allowed out after school?
I have a daughter age 12, and coming in for 7pm and bed at 7pm sounds reasonable to me.

I think the post is about 11 year olds -y7.

7 pm bed at the age of 12 doesn't sound reasonable to me. My son doesn't fall asleep until 11 pm

There was a poster upthread who doesn't allow their 14 year old to go out after school.

A lot depends where they live. In London it may be a bit risky

At 11 I would expect Monday -Thursday straight home from
school and doing home work before dinner.
On Fridays whilst there is still light after school then I’d expect home by 6pm

I thought I was being lenient letting my 15YO be home by 5 on a school night! That gives her well over an hour to mill about the shops with friends before coming home. Until Year 9, it was 4 - pretty much straight home from school.

So no, YANBU.