Telling a 11 year old to be home at 7

[FreshStart2025]

Recently started secondary school, enjoying the new found freedom with friends. I think it’s reasonable to be home at 7pm for dinner, homework, shower and to chill before bed at 9pm.

She thinks this is totally unreasonable.

How does everyone manage children playing out on a school night?

yabu - Let her stay out later
yanbu - 7pm is late enough

It obviously does depend very much on what the local area is like - we're lucky to live in a quiet suburb with green areas close by. It's very normal here for children to play out, just as it was when I was the same age.

Very funny how all the "lock 'em up" posters use the phrase "roaming the streets", as if children are like packs of feral dogs. In reality, my 10yo is making up dance routines in her friend's garden or playing big games of hide and seek on the green, not mugging pensioners or being groomed In another few weeks it'll be too dark for any of that, so we'll take advantage of it while we can.

I'm involved with safeguarding as a registered professional. I definitely don't think the only place for an 11 year old after school is home. Totally normal for children of this age to have some independent play time. Healthy part of development

Different regime/timings but:

Back in the sixties/seventies tea was finished by 6pm and we were allowed out to play until around 7 or, by age OP's DD is, 8 or 8:30. Nice estate on edge of Leeds.

Obvs before mobiles but we had watches.

Usually within sight/hailing distance of home. If Dad had to come and look for us we'd be on a shorter reign for the rest of the week.

I used to let my DD stay out until 7 at that age. We don't eat until around 7 anyway and still allowed time for homework and relaxing (she didn't get a lot of homework in Y7 anyway).
I always knew where she was though, and it was nearly always at a friend's house or the leisure centre so not just hanging around.
Weekends was 7, unless she had something planned and in that case either me or DH would pick her up.

Right. But if they came home at say 5 from school and wanted to hang out with a friend until 7/8 on occasion and had no homework, why not?
My parents said no going out at all on school nights- this was until I was 17 at least. I missed so many cool things that friends were doing -gigs, hang outs at a friends house- just loads of things across the years. I’m in my 40’s now and I resent it still. Can’t ever get those fun times back- not in the same way once adulthood properly kicks in.

Dd 11 (almost 12) was allowed to the park until 8 during the holidays as it was still light and plenty of people still about. Now when she wants to go to park it will be until 6 as there’s a fairly creepy part of the exit and gets super dark. Quite happy for her to have friends around the house later. She goes to bed at 9.00 with her phone or reading for 30 minutes then phone stays outside and it’s lights out.

Surely depends on where you live. My kids
Don't 'play out' in SE London. They can go to their mates' houses but they're not hanging around in parks or shopping centres.

I can’t believe all these responses, my 2 are 23 and 19 so not that long ago. Home at 4pm, homework etc done, tea at 5.30 out to play if they wanted if no clubs about 6.30 at that age home for 8.30. My son said this summer mum I wish I was still at school and getting out to play as it was ace!

I think 7pm is fine in summer.

Definitely dependent on where you stay. I'm in a village park is a minute to the end of my very small street. My almost 11 year old is there most days after school until 7 weekends and holidays it's 8. Once winter kicks in she's not allowed out much in the dark unless at a pals house. X

Oh god my five year old goes out to friends houses (obvs parents there) until 630. I don't think it's the time that's the issue, isn't it them being out and about without parental supervision rather than the time itself? 630 is so early

Sorry I know you said 7 it's just I've seen 630 on here for kids the same age too

I’m surprised that so many people are saying it’s too late. I think if you know where they’re going and they’re not ‘alone‘ and generally aren’t getting into trouble, I can’t see what’s wrong with it. I suppose homework and eating a decent dinner have to take priority but if those things are being done I would be a bit more liberal. My son is only 2 so I’m a long way off this and maybe I’ll be changing my mind in about ten years 😂🙈

👏

My DD is 10 and was out until 8pm tonight. I think we need to make the most of the lighter nights & warmer weather. They'll be inside all winter.

Really surprising answers here. In our area - normal suburb- on light evenings most kids over 8 years old would play out till about 8pm on a week night. I’d think at 11 kids would be allowed out till about 9pm. I can’t imagine keeping my kids indoors on a nice night when everyone else is out playing or hanging out

When my older 2 daughters were 11, they were back around 6:30pm but honestly they didn't go out during school days a huge ton. They both had sport training to do and there was also music lessons and then both had homework and also wanted free time to relax, watch tv, do some reading or whatever they enjoyed at home. When they did go out on school days, they knew that dinner was 6:30pm so would always be back for that! And in Winter it got dark pretty quickly. I would say 7 is perfectly reasonable.

@FreshStart2025 I think secondary school is a massive change to primary school. She is a lot more independent, travelling further to school etc.

I'm not sure how travelling further to school constitutes "newfound freedom."

2 hours seems enough to have dinner, homework and shower. Ideally, better to eat earlier though. She did come home after school, drop off her bag etc.

Depends on the evening and how much homework she has, but she will likely gauge that herself anyway.

@Chicklette Really surprising answers here. In our area - normal suburb- on light evenings most kids over 8 years old would play out till about 8pm on a week night. I’d think at 11 kids would be allowed out till about 9pm. I can’t imagine keeping my kids indoors on a nice night when everyone else is out playing or hanging out

This sounds normal, and this is what everyone on mumsnet will have experienced as children, but everyone on mumsnet seems to have a short memory and think that 11-12 year olds should be treated as if they're still 7.

My 13yo isn't interested in going out other than to his clubs. I'm glad because I've seen what goes on at the parks and street corners where local teens hang around. I wasn't allowed to parks and at any age other than as part of a family outing even back in the 80s/90s.

Well exactly. Some people live in a cul de sac of house all with families and a bit of grass in the middle - playing out there is totally different than it the park is a busy road away and next to the shop that sells vapes to children.

Mine doesn't play out because he is socially vulnerable and would absolutely be the fall guy who was dared to try and steal from a sweetshop or run across a busy road or left to take the blame for vandalising something. If he had a bunch of nice mates who lived close enough by for them to just go and kick and ball I would let him but that's not the case. It literally is about the context of each household.

I work in a secondary school and the big time play outers are quite obvious. They are generally more confident and have larger social circles.
As was said previously though, sports and social clubs are a perfectly fine alternative in areas playing out is more dangerous.
There’s something about playing out and socialising without adults present that can speed up social development imo. Even if it gets a bit lord of the flies at times, it creates resilience and social skills.

@Dramatic no, 830 is for the 12 year old, she absolutely needs it, always has trouble getting up at 6. A couple of days she's not home until 830 due to activities, then we aim for 915 but it's noticeable the next day! She has always needed more sleep than 14, he generally vanishes to his room around 845 and reads or draws but I don't police when he turns his lights out (usually 9-9:15) unless he also stops getting up with his alarm.

We live in a safe area and are within calling distance of the park, there are regularly 6-10 year olds out until 7 or 8pm but that doesn't work for us as a family. If they've eaten, homework done and ready for bed before 8 we watch something together.

I was never allowed out without my parents as a child (and I'm talking up to 18!), never allowed to go anywhere without a specific reason. I found the transition to uni hard and think I would have benefitted from having a bit more freedom.

This thread really highlights the lack of youth and play provision. We have lost about 80 per cent of youth clubs I think? In England and Wales because of austerity

We are amazingly lucky to have one that is still going near me - and it was literally a godsend in winter. My son was in year 7 last year - and him and his friends wld get a lift as it was dark by the time it started - but they could play football there, have food, hang out.

It is open 3 x a week 6.30 - 8pm run by qualified staff. Imagine if we had one in every neighbourhood? It's very different to constant sports and organised stuff - its also free.\

A sad thing in some of these posts is the obsession with homework - these kids have been at school all day! No wonder children are overweight- they are barely moving during the week.