Not to know how to manage my evenings with DD?

[BarbaraVineFan]

I'm a single mum to an almost 5 year old DD who is just starting reception. I work full time as a teacher and don't have any family for childcare. She has been in preschool at my school for a year now.

Our routine currently is that DD is in after school club until 5.15- she has 'tea' there, which is something like cheesy pasta or a sausage roll. I pick her up and we get home about 5.45. I then give her a snack plate of a cheese or ham sandwich with lots of veg and fruit, something like cucumber, tomato, peppers and blueberries, and a yoghurt. She has this while watching TV 😳 and i use the time to decompress a bit from work but also to do things like laundry and housework . Then at about 6.45 we start the bedtime routine. I usually try to have her sleep by 7.45-8, since she has to be up at 6.45 in the morning. I then have my own dinner after she is in bed usually and i get my own work done then as well .

This has worked well for us this year but i am conscious that she will start to have reading and things to do in the evenings . Plus I am feeling guilty that i don't cook dinner (although she does get a hot lunch at school and also has the substantial 'tea' after school , so I'm not sure if she would eat another fullmeal).

The problem is that I can't work out how to change the evening routine. I.can't leave work any earlier and i don't really want to be putting DD to bed much later . How do people manage to get homework and dinner into the evenings ? Some sample timetables would be really helpful please ! Thanks in advance .

Is there really homework in reception? Can reading be done at bedtime? Or instead of tv say on alternate days? Laundry and housework will wait.

I don't think they get homework as such- just thinking ahead!- but I think they do get reading, not sure if it's every night but think it might be

Will she have much homework? As far as I remember parents were asked to read every evening with their DC when mine were that age and not much else. Eventually they were given weekly spellings and such like but I didn’t do them religiously. I didn’t really take the concept of homework at primary school age seriously tbh.

Regarding dinner, do you have any time to batch cook anything on the weekend? It’s a faff but I found cooking and freezing things like bolognese sauce were a lifesaver during the week.

We read at bedtime, but 15 mins should be more than enough for this so if you give her the plate about 6, then by 6:30 she'll have eaten and you can read etc for 15 mins before the bedtime routine?

Reduce the hour of TV to 30 mins.

Sorry, cross posted with your last message!

That's the thing about the hour of TV - I am not happy with it really but I find I need the time, otherwise the house is a mess and there is no clean laundry, and/or my school work doesn't get done :(

I would try to cook something simple to eat together but then I wouldn’t want to be eating my own dinner after 8 pm

Make her reading to you as part of your bed time routine, she reads to you, you read to her

DS has had a similar routine since starting school. It is tough. He has always been an early riser, so we did reading/ homework in the morning. It was a much more pleasant time, snuggled up in my bed before the day started, than trying to do it when he was tired after a long day. Now he is a bit more independent, he completes homework at after school club.

This could work- I could try it. Thanks @YesThatsATurdOnTheRug

Don’t worry about the food. As long as your feel she’s had a pretty balanced day and is not hungry she doesn’t need another cooked meal. Cooke at the weekends.
Homework at this age shouldn’t be more than 10-20 mins a day at the absolute most. A bit of phonics or reading and maybe 1 other small task is more than enough. I teach eyfs and wouldn’t she while more than that and wouldn’t be doing more than that at home with my own.
You are getting home late. I’m not sure if anything can be done about that. By 6 is unlikely she is going to be fit for anything apart from snacks, chilling and bed. At this stage, with your timings I wouldn’t be pushing the homework for a few weeks. She needs to settle in to school.
Could ‘homework’ be done in the morning? It might be more productive.

@Smartiepants79 unfortunately we are on a tight schedule in the morning too, as we need to leave the house at 7.30.

It's tough :(

We read at bedtime too. If there were 'bigger' things, we did them over the weekend. DS is Year One now and has spellings every week too. I expect we'll do those over breakfast.

Why is your bedtime routine taking an hour already?!! Just not quite sure what’s taking an hour? Mine don’t get a bath every night but even if they did it would be 6.45 bath, 7 into pjs, straight into bed and then 15 minutes of reading so a max of 45 minutes?!

Do you really need to stay for two hours every day after school? I am a teacher too and I know there is always something you could do but maybe two nights a week you could leave after an hour and have more time at home?

Yeah, she is in bed by 7.15-7.30 but doesn't go to sleep straight away

I am a single mother to a 6 year old and our routine is pretty much the same as yours. I don't cook for my daughter on school nights as she has a cooked meal at school so she usually has a picky plate for tea. I often don't have a cooked meal either and join her for a sandwich. We don't do any homework except for her reading book which takes about 5 minutes once a week. I have just banned TV as it wasn't benefitting her and was causing arguments before bed. After a few days of whining she has accepted it and has embraced playing, drawing etc while I do housework and chat to her. Once she is in bed I catch up on work and chill out before I go to bed about 9.45ish.

I'm a teacher also. I have one in year 3 and one just started reception. My routine is very similar to yours. They have a hot dinner and a light tea at after school club. I don't cook them tea and don't feel bad as they have had a hot dinner. They have something light if they're still hungry like crackers, tea cakes, toast, sandwiches etc... evenings are generally light tea, bath, chill and bed. Homework is usually done at the weekend. Reading and spellings tend not to take very long. Ours are both in bed by 7.

School finishes at 3.40pm and I leave my desk at 5, except on Fridays when I leave straight after school. Honestly I don't think I could do my job if I didn't have that time - I struggle as it is not having as much time in the evenings to work.

Definitely don't feel guilty about not cooking - sounds like your DD has a good balanced diet and that's the main thing. Doesn't matter who made it!

In terms of her reading/homework, is there any possibility her after-school can help out with this?

My DS has been in two different after school clubs - one didn't help with homework and the other did. Honestly it was a godsend when he had the help - we were rarely home before 6.30 and had dinner, bath, bedtime to do before 8 so I just didn't have the time.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it either OP - homework is a load of nonsense if you ask me. School is for learning, home is for relaxing and playing and having fun with the people you love.

We read in the morning here, too tired after school. Or if there's homework I give snack then we do it (10/20 mins tops). Or cut the TV by 15 minutes or try to tighten up bedtime. As she gets older bedtime can move a little later.

I think your routine now is fine. At most she'll get 5-10 mins of reading each night. That can easily be done as part of the bedtime routine (get her to read to you before you read her a story in bed), or even get up a little earlier and do it before breakfast. Any longer 'homework' will be set in enough time for you to do it at the weekend (in reception, such homework for mine was simple things like walk in the park and collect 5 different leaves or help make a cake etc.).

As she gets older, she’ll be going to bed later. When my kid was your daughter’s age no too long ago also went to bed at a similar time. Now (at 5.5yrs old) that’s moved to about 8-8 and a bit with 6:30 wake up. We read in bed and I do all my wind down after he’s in bed but that’s what works around here.

Agree that you don't need to worry / feel guilty about the food, what you're doing sounds fine.
Cook and eat together at the weekend.

I can't give any helpful advice about routines (was not my area of expertise when DD was young) but try to have some time for yourself at some point during the week.
Being a lone parent can be intense and as they get older (and stay up later) there is less and less chance for you to do things for yourself- I don't mean going out necessarily but things like reading / painting your nails / watching a film... Non- child related things that you enjoy.