Not to know how to manage my evenings with DD?

[BarbaraVineFan]

I'm a single mum to an almost 5 year old DD who is just starting reception. I work full time as a teacher and don't have any family for childcare. She has been in preschool at my school for a year now.

Our routine currently is that DD is in after school club until 5.15- she has 'tea' there, which is something like cheesy pasta or a sausage roll. I pick her up and we get home about 5.45. I then give her a snack plate of a cheese or ham sandwich with lots of veg and fruit, something like cucumber, tomato, peppers and blueberries, and a yoghurt. She has this while watching TV 😳 and i use the time to decompress a bit from work but also to do things like laundry and housework . Then at about 6.45 we start the bedtime routine. I usually try to have her sleep by 7.45-8, since she has to be up at 6.45 in the morning. I then have my own dinner after she is in bed usually and i get my own work done then as well .

This has worked well for us this year but i am conscious that she will start to have reading and things to do in the evenings . Plus I am feeling guilty that i don't cook dinner (although she does get a hot lunch at school and also has the substantial 'tea' after school , so I'm not sure if she would eat another fullmeal).

The problem is that I can't work out how to change the evening routine. I.can't leave work any earlier and i don't really want to be putting DD to bed much later . How do people manage to get homework and dinner into the evenings ? Some sample timetables would be really helpful please ! Thanks in advance .

How many loads of laundry do you do a week for 2 of you? Maybe reduce to washing things which are actually dirty! Eg. Bedding and towels don't need to be done more than once a week. School jumpers etc only if they're dirty. The picky thing requiring daily washing is underwear and socks!

This was going to be my suggestion too.

Her meals sound balanced and timely - no need to change that if it works for you both.

Can you afford a cleaner to take some of the load off you?

I probably work 50-55 hours a week I think

Also, more than homework I just find the most important thing with DC these days, especially girls, is talking to them before bed about their day (if they want to). So much comes out and it is a lifesaver if they still talk to you and keep you in the loop when they are teens.

Thanks - I think when she was in pre-reception I had to keep washing things as they were actually dirty with food, paint etc. Bearing that in mind, I have bought lots of uniform for her for reception! So hopefully the washing will be less

This is so true. My DD is now 11, she often climbs in my bed and then starts sharing all
sorts of stuff, drama from school, worries, life stuff. It's lovely.

I agree that you need more uniform and since you are both out of the house all day, surely the housework is minimal? Homework for Reception is 15 mins of reading per day here and I wouldn’t recommend it at bedtime because she will tired, so it will be harder for her. It really needs to come out of her 60 min to time/your decompression time.

Less TV time for reading book and more school uniform. Do laundry at the weekend. If there’s homework, do that at the weekend as well.

When mine were small I cooked 2 dishes on a Sunday-variations of curry, bolognaise, casseroles-enough of each for 2 nights. Frozen and then defrosted for 4 nights quick dinners with fresh pasta or ready cooked rice. Was nice to sit at the table with them for that little bit of time and actually allowed me to switch off from work mode!

Ours had homework every night in reception. It was pretty full on. A sheet of handwriting practice and then they had to practice their reading

We also work FT. Kids in ASC until 6pm.

We have a later bedtime. They did their handwriting practice at after school club. If they didn't, they did as soon as they came in whilst I prepared dinner or during breakfast.

Reading practice we did when she was in bed. We changed the bedtime routine to 7pm upstairs and read to us for 5-10 minutes. We read to them. Lights off 7.30pm. The nights they have baths and showers we would be slightly later and we would read together.

I take my hat to you as a single Mum and FT teacher and you're doing a great job! Don't worry until it happens, most usually reading or some simple tasks. I know as a teacher we have our own work to do at night and easier said I know but try to prioritise and find ways to minimise it. Xx

I also put my laundry on overnight so it's ready to be hung in the morning. Enough uniform to only need to do once or twice a week. Get a cleaner.

Your routine sounds completely fine. Cut yourself some slack. I don’t get home til 6:15 – ain’t no way I’m doing homework then! My twins read to me for their bedtime routine. Other homework is for weekends.

Dont feel bad about the cooking at 5yrs old. She can have a cooked meal on Fridays and weekends. My twins only had a snacky dinner at that age too, as they ate a hot lunch and in after school club. Now they are almost 7 cooking a meal after school at 6ish feels like less of a big slog. It’s always something simple.

You’re doing absolutely fine.

Is she going to your school? Sorry not read the full thread. Mine did and I read with them in the morning in my classroom before the breakfast club started. That worked as they were fresh.

I would say don’t do bath every night, it’s not necessary at that age unless she’s been painting/ outdoors a lot. You could always do a quick wash instead?

Snack meals are fine, also pasta and veg only take a few minutes. Or gnocchi, takes 3 minutes for example, if you wanted more hot meal ideas.

Read at bedtime, other homework over weekend or on the Friday you leave early. Or could you do homework on the commute, this would work if using public transport. If she ends up going to classes after school, swimming for example could you do work stuff then?

Also, a teacher friend of mine goes in early instead of staying late, would this work, then your daughter could do a breakfast club instead?

Fellow teacher/single parent here so I feel your pain. Do you drive to and from school could she do reading in car? I honestly only manage because I dropped to part time less planning/marking and do housework, shopping etc on days off plus batch cook so there's dinners ready to heat up on work days. You could do small portions of things like bolognese, lasagne, cottage pie?
I know part time isn't affordable to all but I wouldn't manage otherwise worth considering if your daughter will want to do an activity after school too I am out 4 nights a week at various clubs, swimming lessons these have increased as my child has got older

We do a massive meal prep on a Sunday and generally do slow cooker bags ( so in the morning we can throw it all on and it’s cooked when we get home).

my 2 DD go to breakfast club and I tend to do an hour of work before the class arrive. I reduce my lunch break and do marking etc (or eat whilst I do!). It means I can leave at 4ish most days which really helps.

we’re home, have a dinner together and they have a half hour play whilst I do my bits. We do homework or reading. Bath, story, bed by 8.

It’s busy but works for us!

you're doing a great job. Took us ages to get into a rhythm and routine that works for us. It’s also forever changing due to after school activities 😂

You only need to do a max 15mins with her and I would do this just before the bedtime routine.

The hour of TV is fine as it’s not like she’s glued to it all day.

I always had my DD read as part of her bedtime routine/homework and then I would read afterwards for her bedtime story.

Hopefully as she gets older, her bedtime routine will take less time.

I found audiobooks really useful as my DD wouldn’t sleep either.

She had a little lamp by her bed and could follow the words/look at the pictures in the book whilst the audiobook read the story.
This meant I didn’t have to stay with her as long and I used this time to do the housework etc.

I would get her to read a couple of pages, then I would finish it off and then I’d put an audiobook on.

Buy enough clothes so you only need to do the school clothes on the weekend. That'll give you the extra 15 mins you need to read with her, do homework on the weekends.

Just something that popped into my head, could your daughter do some of the household tasks with you?

I don’t have kids yet so will prepare to be laughed at however, there is a great Instagram I follow SamKelly_World who claims her children have always helped with chores from a young age without being even asked. Maybe something to try. Could start small, like fixing some of her own snacks, get some children’s knives for her so she can learn to cut safely.., or putting away her own uniform and getting clean one ready for next day. At some point she’ll be able to wash her own face etc. if it’s not bath night? Or have a shower herself as it’s a bit safer to do alone. Maybe not now but it’s fascinating what they can do early on all by themselves.

Also, one of my favourite memories as a kid was helping my parents do things like gardening and cooking, TV I don’t remember but I remember the chats and learning, building of confidence in these small moments.
I used to nanny and one child used to shower himself, get into pj’s and as a reward he was allowed TV, he was a bit older for his age though.

I think she’s coming up to the age where you can encourage her to play now by herself more, instead of the hour of tv. Or she can help you a bit on some days (putting away washing, dusting, that kind of thing?)

you could start tapering the tv down by ten minutes each month maybe.

she’ll be bored and whingy at first but has to go through that stage to learn how to entertain herself and get creative. Boredom is good :)

youre amazing by the way - you sound like a great mum x

You high level object presumably(?) is some quality time with your DD so that first hour is therefore where you need to make the mark. (If not ignore the below 😅)

I think you need to tackle 3 things

1. defer your own wind down (take it 8-9 / 8.30-9.30
2. sort out food and aim to eat together (just learn to eat dinner early - think of it as intermittent fasting 😅)
3. work out how to maximise efficiencies

on point 1 i defer my decompression until 8/8.30 and take an hour to do sweet FA. I also use that first hour back to “set up” chores and cross off small ones

2 for food think combo of:
-batch cooking / leftovers and freezing
-slow cooker type meals either from fridge or freezer (I pre make a bag or raw bits and freeze it - then I can grab and dump it in of a morning)
-quick meals (scrambled egg on toast etc)

Eg if you have cottage pie portions and put them in the fridge Monday AM.. you get home 5 mins in microwave and you can sit together to talk about your day and eat at the table. She can then do arts and crafts or whatever and you bring in the laundry and fold it.

3
if we are in the living room - I give it a tidy while playing.
if in dining room - I’ll bring in a basket of laundry and sort it or pop off to put some laundry on as short cycle so it done by 8 and I can quickly hang before chilling out.
kitchen - I get Dd to help unload / load and stick it on if needed.

When it’s bedtime i often take Dds laundry up to her room and we put it away (or I do) while she continues to wind down and do bedtime (it’s a small job but rocks it off the list) I may also grab her laundry to bring down with me.

I’d aim for improvement not perfection it might be you settle on 30min tv 30mins eating and chatting as that works best

We have a similar schedule and a now Y1 kid plus a little one. What works for us is food at late play and a snack (eg cheese on toast, veg) if hungry when they get home. Often we tidy together - 10 minutes with music of their choice on which works really well. Bed time is quite drawn out as it’s really the only time we get to hang out, so we’re in bed for around 7:15 and then she reads, I read and we chat until 8. Chucking washing on a timer in the morning is the ideal too!

I suggest cooking earlier and eating together, then do your other jobs when you would have been cooking later on. Not that there's anything wrong with what you're doing but it might be nice to eat together? Reading can be done straight after eating. Maybe do a slightly later slightly shorter bedtime routine (I find it takes much less time if they are more tired!). Homework is usually once a week in reception so leave till the weekend

Do the homework at weekends? Don't they normally get a week to do it?