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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to know how to manage my evenings with DD?

159 replies

BarbaraVineFan · 04/09/2024 18:42

I'm a single mum to an almost 5 year old DD who is just starting reception. I work full time as a teacher and don't have any family for childcare. She has been in preschool at my school for a year now.

Our routine currently is that DD is in after school club until 5.15- she has 'tea' there, which is something like cheesy pasta or a sausage roll. I pick her up and we get home about 5.45. I then give her a snack plate of a cheese or ham sandwich with lots of veg and fruit, something like cucumber, tomato, peppers and blueberries, and a yoghurt. She has this while watching TV 😳 and i use the time to decompress a bit from work but also to do things like laundry and housework . Then at about 6.45 we start the bedtime routine. I usually try to have her sleep by 7.45-8, since she has to be up at 6.45 in the morning. I then have my own dinner after she is in bed usually and i get my own work done then as well .

This has worked well for us this year but i am conscious that she will start to have reading and things to do in the evenings . Plus I am feeling guilty that i don't cook dinner (although she does get a hot lunch at school and also has the substantial 'tea' after school , so I'm not sure if she would eat another fullmeal).

The problem is that I can't work out how to change the evening routine. I.can't leave work any earlier and i don't really want to be putting DD to bed much later . How do people manage to get homework and dinner into the evenings ? Some sample timetables would be really helpful please ! Thanks in advance .

OP posts:
HammerTimeNC · 06/09/2024 22:13

I've wouldn't beat yourself up about tv time.

You're doing great.

Time2beme · 07/09/2024 22:49

It sounds like this is the only quality time the op has with her child during the week, so I wouldn't be pushing to shorten it.

muggart · 08/09/2024 11:36

I think you could include reading in the bedtime routine (slowly). Maybe read her one of those early readers books in addition to whatever you usually read, and just start by pointing out the letters.

She really does not need so much TV time every day. At 5 she's old enough to join in with you when you do chores or to play independently. It might be tough breaking the habit but I honestly do not think you'll miss it as much as you think. Maybe consider changing it to something that is only allowed on Wednesdays (or whatever your worst day is) and see how it goes.

BlossomValley · 08/09/2024 22:11

Smartiepants79 · 04/09/2024 22:42

You leave school at 3:30 on every day you work?? Really? What about staff meetings or clubs or parents evenings or clearing up and planning for the next day or marking?? My school only finishes at 3:20. There are still kids to supervise at 3:30.
I do think that it’s possible to leave approximately 30 mins after the school day finishes on some days and if you are extremely organised.
When do you do all your planning and marking?

The children leave at 3 so I have 30 minutes after school every day. I plan during PPA and mark as I go (I teach younger children, there isn’t much marking to do, would be very different in secondary English say). If there is a staff meeting I will obviously stay for that (until 4.30) but that isn’t every week.

BlossomValley · 08/09/2024 22:13

1AngelicFruitCake · 05/09/2024 05:06

I’m full time with additional responsibilities in primary. I couldn’t leave at 3:30 and I don’t think management would be ok with any of us doing this on a regular basis.

I have two nights where I aim to leave by 4:00/4:15. I work through lunch to do this most days (unhealthy I know), I try not to get into conversations and keep focused. I take work home and do more on some nights to get my early finishes where we can go to the park or to their clubs.

Loads of us do it at my school, however I am often there at 7.15 to balance it out. My HT is often one of the first out the door (but does work at home).

BlossomValley · 08/09/2024 22:15

Arrivapercy · 05/09/2024 07:06

You leave school at 3:30 on every day you work?? Really? What about staff meetings or clubs or parents evenings or clearing up and planning for the next day or marking?? My school only finishes at 3:20. There are still kids to supervise at 3:30.

Im not surprised by this. At our primary the teachers don't run any clubs at all after school. Pick up is 3.15 and teachers wouldn't be supervising any kids left - it would be one TA/reception.

Parents evenings are only four nights per year.

There's not much marking in ks1 and planning takes far less time for very experienced teachers who can draw on things they've used before. Materials can also be shared across a keystage & lots of schools buy in schemes for maths & english. Good leadership don't ask for unnecessary paperwork or constantly change requirements without need.

I see lots of the teachers at our school heading off at 3.45/4pm.

Exactly this. TAs run clubs. I do have to stay with children who aren’t collected but this is extremely rare (and I lay out my expectations to parents at the beginning of the year!). Anyone who isn’t picked up will have me phoning every grandparent/aunty/uncle we have the contact info for!

BarbaraVineFan · 09/09/2024 19:46

BlossomValley · 08/09/2024 22:11

The children leave at 3 so I have 30 minutes after school every day. I plan during PPA and mark as I go (I teach younger children, there isn’t much marking to do, would be very different in secondary English say). If there is a staff meeting I will obviously stay for that (until 4.30) but that isn’t every week.

I am head of secondary English...hence the difficulty!!

Anyway, thanks to everyone for their replies. I have taken it on board and am trying a new routine :
Pick DD up at 4.45 to get home at 5.15
5.15-5.45 DD watches TV while I sort a snacky dinner and do jobs
5.45 TV off and we eat dinner together (today we had tomato soup with bread and butter)
After dinner - time for reading or anything else she has to do for school
6.30 ish start going up to bed

It's only been one night but it seems to work so far, and she gets more quality time and less TV time. So thanks to everyone who helped and suggested things!

OP posts:
1AngelicFruitCake · 09/09/2024 20:58

Sounds great! I find when I get home I’m shattered but taking the time to play a game, go for a quick walk even if going dark or some simple baking like decorating biscuits is just a nice thing to do.

katepilar · 26/01/2025 14:29

Matilda1981 · 04/09/2024 18:56

Why is your bedtime routine taking an hour already?!! Just not quite sure what’s taking an hour? Mine don’t get a bath every night but even if they did it would be 6.45 bath, 7 into pjs, straight into bed and then 15 minutes of reading so a max of 45 minutes?!

Not everyone is doing stuff the same way you do. Shock.

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