Not to know how to manage my evenings with DD?

[BarbaraVineFan]

I'm a single mum to an almost 5 year old DD who is just starting reception. I work full time as a teacher and don't have any family for childcare. She has been in preschool at my school for a year now.

Our routine currently is that DD is in after school club until 5.15- she has 'tea' there, which is something like cheesy pasta or a sausage roll. I pick her up and we get home about 5.45. I then give her a snack plate of a cheese or ham sandwich with lots of veg and fruit, something like cucumber, tomato, peppers and blueberries, and a yoghurt. She has this while watching TV 😳 and i use the time to decompress a bit from work but also to do things like laundry and housework . Then at about 6.45 we start the bedtime routine. I usually try to have her sleep by 7.45-8, since she has to be up at 6.45 in the morning. I then have my own dinner after she is in bed usually and i get my own work done then as well .

This has worked well for us this year but i am conscious that she will start to have reading and things to do in the evenings . Plus I am feeling guilty that i don't cook dinner (although she does get a hot lunch at school and also has the substantial 'tea' after school , so I'm not sure if she would eat another fullmeal).

The problem is that I can't work out how to change the evening routine. I.can't leave work any earlier and i don't really want to be putting DD to bed much later . How do people manage to get homework and dinner into the evenings ? Some sample timetables would be really helpful please ! Thanks in advance .

We did the reading in bed

50/55 hours is an awful lot, in there anyway you could cut it it down slightly?

I wouldn’t worry too much about her having a hot meal, just as long as it’s balanced.

Maybe try and spend more time with her during the weeknights and leave more of the housework for the weekend?

I agree that an hour of tv is maybe a bit too much, maybe limit it one episode as soon as you get in and that’s it?

I too worked long hours while DC were young. I actually found leaving work on time and taking work home with me easier. I decompressed on the way home, spend the evening with kids and would work for a couple of hours when they were in bed. I was more productive after a few hours "off" work in between.

How are your weekends? I know this is not quite what you asked for but here are some things I did on weekends which took the pressure off and gave me back some time for other things during the week:

Batch cook on Sat or Sun morning. Not only will you have a nice meal for yourself but no pots or pans to clean during the week.
Put her in front of the TV for an hour those mornings while you cook. Have the washer and dryer on the go during this time too. I got great satisfaction out of doing a few jobs at the same time!

Make up a load of sandwiches for her and freeze them. Take them out in the morning along with your own meal and stick in the toaster when you get in.

I only washed DC's hair on the weekend.

They have a quick bath every evening and I do my skincare in the bathroom while they bath. Always felt nice doing that one self care thing for myself every day.

I second getting plenty of spare uniform items. I put together 5x piles for each of us on Sundays so we have our clothes ready to go each day. I love being about to just grab a whole outfit quickly each morning rather than rooting through drawers!

Other ideas if you can:
Invest in a robo vacuum.
Use the dryer instead of faffing around with clothes airer.
Treat yourself to a cleaner even once a month.

Also a teacher and single parent!
My daughter is 10 now and I've found that later bedtimes help fit it all in....not much help for you currently though....
Some things that helped me when my daughter was a bit younger were:

30 mins reading at bedtime; 10 minutes reading from her and then 20 minutes reading from me
Batch cook 3 meals at the weekend and reheat. I'd freeze whatever wasn't used
Plenty of spare uniform so I only washed clothes at the weekend
Getting all our work/school stuff, clothes etc... ready the night before

I can't stress how much that last point helped me! Knowing everything was ready to go at 7am when we left the house made the mornings so much easier.

To be honest, I think your routine is absolutely fine. You may need to adjust it as time goes on but just focus on the day to day. I know how hard teaching is especially when you have your own child(ren).

When I was a single parent we would get home by 5:30, I'd start the dinner and do reading and spellings while it was cooking. Eat together, clean up kitchen while she had tv time, both had a bath/shower and both in PJs by 7sh. She would go to bed then and I would then have my evening x

Homework is done at weekends and if there is not enough t time it doesn't get done. The school system is just not set up for working mums

We read in the morning before school

My 5 year old is too tired in the evening and mutinous, he's more than happy to do it after breakfast though and it's part of our routine

I'd make bed more like 7. Then you get more of an evening.

What time do you have to leave in the mornings? We always do our reading and homework over breakfast (but we live near school and don't have to leave til 8.45 so appreciate we're lucky here)

You sound like a very caring and lovely mum. In fact I think in some ways you are putting pressure and increased expectation on yourself. I had to learn to give myself ‘permission’ to cut corners, lower standards etc.

things that helped (and still help) me:
most household jobs can be done in 5-10 minute bursts. Such as change a bed, hoover and straighten a room, stick a wash on, hang a wash up, sweep and wash a floor, clean sink and loo.. You get the idea. So rather than look critically at all that need doing in the house I do 2-3 tasks a day and focus on that achievement.

I do maybe 5 loads of laundry a week, more than one load a day if I’m home and can get it dry outside.

in terms of meals, on a bad week I find it overwhelming to do a big shop and decide what we might want to eat in 4 or 5 days! (At other times I’m motivated and can do batch cooking). On a bad week I might go to the co op or Tesco express a couple of times. In your position if you want to give dd more hot foods other suggestions might be soup (decent cartons), part baked bread, frozen jacket potatoes with suitable topping. Crumpets/bagels/toasties. Or even cold main and a hot rice pudding or custard pot or similar.

We have a similar, very busy life. I always say I'm "time poor"

Home at 5.30.
DD watches tv/plays whilst I cook tea, with aim to sit down for 6, finished at 6.30. I think this 30 mins whilst I cook is when homework time will likely be.
Tidy up and feed the pets takes 15 minutes which she will then have some dessert or play/tv
If it's a bath night, we're usually done by 7.15.
We then settled down together and watch some relaxing tv/film and have a glass of milk then read a book in her bed where she's in bed for 8.
That gives us 1-2 hours for ourselves to either tidy/sort packed lunches, relax before sleep for 10.

It's tight and we have to be careful with time otherwise it's a domino effect.

You sound absolutely fine and normal btw. The annoying thing about our after school club was they did their tea about 4.30. ALWAYS ended up doing something else after. I can now make scrambled egg on toast in under 2 minutes though.

You have quite a long bedtime routine - what does it consist of?

I'd be fine with her eating what she eats while watching TV. Maybe include more protein choices if you know she only had cheesy pasta for the afternoon meal. A scrambled egg or egg mayo might work, or tuna mayo.

How much laundry do two people generate, and how much mess is there to clean up daily?

I'd do reading practice as much as possible during the week and take the weekend to do longer stretches and read to her.

I'd also take the weekend to do some batch cooking - making a bolognese sauce or cooking a hearty soup wouldn't take too long (and she could help you). Then you'd have something to serve every day instead of having to spend time cutting up veggies and making sandwiches every night.

I'd also try to get all the laundry done on the weekend too. Do you have a dryer?

Yes to this ^

I'd say by the time she starts getting proper homework (unless she's at a really pushy school) she'll probably be going to bed 30 minutes to an hour later than she is now which gives plenty of time after her snack to get it done before bedtime.

This might not help but actually I found reading at night absolutely awful when they were little as we were both so tired!!

We built it into our morning routine and got up 15 mins earlier to fit it in when everyone was feeling positive and well rested!

Out if interest why especially girls?

Can you leave earlier some evenings just to give yourselves a break?

Some nights I do quite a bit of work so I can have others off. Could you do that and put cleaning and washing on the off nights or do more at the weekend?

It's so hard, I only work 3 days (not even 3 in a row) and find it a struggle, genuinely don't know how people manage to maintain it for 5 days. Only thing I could suggest that might save you a bit of time is you have tea same time as DD, then once she's in bed you're not starting food prep/eating again and you can then just get straight to house duties/work. Honestly, not sure what your financial situation is like but personally I would considering cutting my hours or looking for a job where I was at home more. I feel like that situation long term is not sustainable! I guess on the plus at least you have school holidays. Sorry if that's not helpful

An hour seems a long time for the bedtime routine- what do you do?

My DD has just started year 1. DH or I pick him up from after school club about 5:10pm, then walk home (nearby).

One of us always does a hot meal and we eat together as a family (often something quick like baked potato or fish cakes and veg, something fancier if one of has WFH that day and had a good break at lunch). My rule after school mid week is no TV (he watches a lot in the mornings pre school) so DS plays in the kitchen/diner while I prep dinner or he “helps” me prep the meal.

Then we eat together and he’ll play for 20 minutes or so or we’ll do his homework (this is usually just weekly), and I’ll sit with him as we have a sofa in the kitchen/diner/play area, or I’ll read to him/get him to read to me.

Then it’s bath at about 6.30pm, bedtime stories and songs/nursery rhymes and I stay with him til he falls asleep around 7.30/45pm.

Could you batch cook a bit at weekends then eat together after school? Reading practice/homework should only take 10-20 minutes in reception.

Go easy on yourself; you can only do what you can.

Can you:

• have dinner with her and use this time to connect and maybe read aloud instead of tv (during and after, she can do homework)
• do the laundry/work after she's asleep?

It's a change in order: take this time to connect with her after all day apart. And after she goes to sleep, time for you/work/house.

I hope you find the right routine: I find routines very important and sometimes I struggle too, so can relate. But I'm not a single parent! I sincerely salute you! 🙌

If she is eating good food that is all fine. Try cooking on the weekends and see what does she like.

She is very easy child tbh. There are so many of us who had tremendous journeys with our kids eating

I think this sounds fine! Try not to worry, v similar to our routine :)

Just want to say that mama you are doing a great job with your little one. You are working and managing - the fact that you are thinking you should be doing more just shows how much you care. I think all she wants is to be close to you in the evening and days you are off work/weekends!

Wow, thanks for the replies everyone! Just to make a few points/answer questions -

Bedtime routine is go upstairs, have a wash and brush teeth, get into pjs, I read her a story and then she gets into bed and we have cuddles and kisses, then she listens to an audiobook to fall asleep. The whole thing seems to take about an hour from when we go upstairs to when she falls asleep (she still needs me in the room to fall asleep, but I use the time to send work emails on my phone usually!). We don't usually do a bath every night, just a quick wash or shower, but it still takes time somehow. It's probably the falling asleep part that is the longest.

Regarding food, as I have already mentioned, unfortunately eggs are out as DD has only recently grown out of an egg allergy and she doesn't yet like them. She is also allergic to fish (so no tuna mayo) and legumes (so no hearty soups with lentils or chickpeas).

I don't think I could work any less - 50 hours is the bare minium to get my job done (45 at school and 5 at home per week). And I definitely can't cut my hours. I don't get a penny from DD'S dad (long story, not for this thread!) and I need every penny I make.

From the thread so far, there have been lots of helpful suggestions and I'm.taking them all on board! Thank you all. Please do keep them coming 😊