Not to know how to manage my evenings with DD?

[BarbaraVineFan]

I'm a single mum to an almost 5 year old DD who is just starting reception. I work full time as a teacher and don't have any family for childcare. She has been in preschool at my school for a year now.

Our routine currently is that DD is in after school club until 5.15- she has 'tea' there, which is something like cheesy pasta or a sausage roll. I pick her up and we get home about 5.45. I then give her a snack plate of a cheese or ham sandwich with lots of veg and fruit, something like cucumber, tomato, peppers and blueberries, and a yoghurt. She has this while watching TV 😳 and i use the time to decompress a bit from work but also to do things like laundry and housework . Then at about 6.45 we start the bedtime routine. I usually try to have her sleep by 7.45-8, since she has to be up at 6.45 in the morning. I then have my own dinner after she is in bed usually and i get my own work done then as well .

This has worked well for us this year but i am conscious that she will start to have reading and things to do in the evenings . Plus I am feeling guilty that i don't cook dinner (although she does get a hot lunch at school and also has the substantial 'tea' after school , so I'm not sure if she would eat another fullmeal).

The problem is that I can't work out how to change the evening routine. I.can't leave work any earlier and i don't really want to be putting DD to bed much later . How do people manage to get homework and dinner into the evenings ? Some sample timetables would be really helpful please ! Thanks in advance .

I would be looking for a new job if it was taking over my life to that extent.

I’m a primary teacher and on the days I work I leave at 3.30, collect children at 4/4.15, play/cook/sort bags and homework etc until dinner at 6. Everyone eats together and then start bedtime routine.

You must be incredibly stressed.

Genuine question @BlossomValley - how do you manage to get everything done for your job? There is no way I could leave school at 3.30 and I don't know many full time teachers who work fewer hours than I do. I'm head of a core subject in secondary though, so maybe I have more to do than some, but I thought most teachers worked hours like I do no matter what their role really

You could make a chicken & veg soup on Sunday and heat that up during the week? Or a bolognese sauce and then just heat up while you cook some pasta? Just thinking of winter when you both might want something hot when you get home! Otherwise your evening routine sounds fine, reading is only 10 mins in reception and can be done at bedtime or after tea.

I would imagine your role has a lot more work involved than mine.

I get to work for 7.15/7.30 so have until 8.45 to get stuff done. I work through lunch if needed. I’ve been in the same year group for ages so have all the resources and know what I’m doing. I have a really good TA.

I do work part time but this was exactly the same when I was full time and a couple of full time colleagues do the same. Our school isn’t particularly family friendly but I’m not prepared to sacrifice my family life for work and am not interested in a promotion so if it doesn’t get done then so be it.

I do think teaching is a career where you could work constantly and never feel done. You have to draw the line somewhere.

You leave school at 3:30 on every day you work?? Really? What about staff meetings or clubs or parents evenings or clearing up and planning for the next day or marking?? My school only finishes at 3:20. There are still kids to supervise at 3:30.
I do think that it’s possible to leave approximately 30 mins after the school day finishes on some days and if you are extremely organised.
When do you do all your planning and marking?

Do you have a table in the kitchen? I always had a table in the kitchen and the kids do their reading and homework while I cook and clear up. If I'm not eating with the kids I would still cook it then. Now I've got a place with no room in the kitchen for a table it's thrown me and im behind with everything!

For reception age it's less than 5 mins a day for reading. I teach early years so my kids were reading before they started school meaning I could doss on reading practice in reception if needed. Even if you just recognise letters in signs on your commute and practice the sounds instead of the names you will be helping so much- that's how I taught mine I never sat them down to learn that young. If you don't have time you don't have time just do it both weekend days for 15 minutes.

If you read at bedtime run your finger along the words as you read and ask child to point to letter a etc a couple times.

But honestly so many parents don't read with their kids at all so anything is better than nothing

I think this depends on what kind of people you are, we're all night owls in this house so reading on a morning is totally out of the question, we're all like zombies 😂

Can't you do the hours housework when she is in bed? Or even if you did half as you do now and half an hour when she's sleeping that would give you time to read with her. Other homework can be done on the weekend. If you work on her going to sleep on her own that will free up time for you to do that also. Or just accept that you need to lower standards and maybe do more housework on a weekend.

What's your salary? How much does that work out per hour? Maybe become a substitute teacher until she's older or something?

There's no way I could match my current salary as a supply teacher. Also - I don't want to. I love my job and love the feeling of community and the relationships you develop with the students in a school.

We often do the reading in the morning, sometimes over breakfast even. It only really takes 5 minutes, and there wasn't any pressure to other homework in reception.

Thinking back to those days now, investing in a cleaner was probably one of the things that saved my sanity. 2 hours on a Friday meant the house was clean and fresh for the weekend-it was a luxury but a worthwhile one!

Been there. Harsh but true answer is your decompression time is when you make her snack, you read before tv and plan meals that allow you to do housework while they're cooking. Its hard going but it doesn't last long

Don't stress too much, your evenings sound fine and normal for working parents. When I worked full time and they were 5 it was pretty similar.

Watching tv is fine I don't know why so many are against it, unless they are glued to the tv all day and do nothing else it's fine, children need to relax and switch off too especially after being at school and childcare all day.

If it was me I would try to come home earlier and do your work at home so dd can be at home more, even though you might not be directly communicating with her or actively playing you're still around. Also it would give you more of an evening at home, but this might not be possible for you atm.

If she's taking a long time to fall asleep she might need to go to bed a little later. I used to put on audio books that they would listen to in bed - sometimes it's not possible to read to them every single night and mine turned out fine and are very bright did a levels and went to uni.

Working and children is always hectic and stressful but you're doing the best you can do

This seems a lot to me as a teacher too. We finish at 3:15 and I leave at 3:45 twice a week due to after school activities/collections with DSD. I do two late nights until 5 and I’m out the door with the kids on a Friday! I go in at 8:20 for a 9am start. Work through lunch 2x a week and work at home planning for an hour on a Sunday. Can you look at what you can do to give yourself less after school tasks? More lessons with peer/self assessment? Subscriptions to resource websites so you aren’t reinventing the wheel every lesson? Your workload seems intense for a single parent and a couple of earlier finishes could help!

I wouldn’t worry too much about cooking a hot dinner every night. It sounds like your dd is getting a well balanced diet with plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. I remember when my children were in primary they were happy to have a plate of sandwiches , fresh fruit and veg and a yoghurt in front of the tv too. It was their way of winding down. School can be tiring and she will be eating and socialising at after school club. Things may change as she gets older but for the moment I would do what makes life easy for you both.

I’m full time with additional responsibilities in primary. I couldn’t leave at 3:30 and I don’t think management would be ok with any of us doing this on a regular basis.

I have two nights where I aim to leave by 4:00/4:15. I work through lunch to do this most days (unhealthy I know), I try not to get into conversations and keep focused. I take work home and do more on some nights to get my early finishes where we can go to the park or to their clubs.

I would add you might prefer to get more work done at school but I like having more time at home to get few jobs done, get into pyjamas etc.

I think reading her book with her when she’s snuggled in bed maybe the answer for you.

You might find even a 7.45pm/8pm bedtime is too late in reception. One of mine was crashed out by 6.45 every day in reception, other rarely made it past 7.

Do the reading first thing in the morning.

Get in at 5.30 - can you pre prepare any food to make it faster? Just give her 20 mins eating & watching tv then straight up for bath, it was the only way for mine or they got exhausted.

You leave school at 3:30 on every day you work?? Really? What about staff meetings or clubs or parents evenings or clearing up and planning for the next day or marking?? My school only finishes at 3:20. There are still kids to supervise at 3:30.

Im not surprised by this. At our primary the teachers don't run any clubs at all after school. Pick up is 3.15 and teachers wouldn't be supervising any kids left - it would be one TA/reception.

Parents evenings are only four nights per year.

There's not much marking in ks1 and planning takes far less time for very experienced teachers who can draw on things they've used before. Materials can also be shared across a keystage & lots of schools buy in schemes for maths & english. Good leadership don't ask for unnecessary paperwork or constantly change requirements without need.

I see lots of the teachers at our school heading off at 3.45/4pm.

Lots of reading us understanding what's going on in the pictures

No, it really isnt. The focus is on decoding the letters to blend and understanding the words. Looking at pictures to work out the words is an old (now unpopular) strategy which can lead to bad habits of guessing words in weak readers who are then completely fucked when they move to chapter books with no pictures. It also creates issues applying your reading across the curriculum where children need to decode and learn/new unfamiliar vocabulary. You can't guess the word pipette in science from the picture if you don't know what a pipette is.

Can she read to you while you are doing chores?
I remember following my mum round the house reading to her when I was little.

Hot food is not inherently more nourishing, though I tend to prefer it! My kids used to have school lunches so that I wouldn't feel the need to cook in the evening if I didn't want to.

Reading/ phonics or whatever school expect shouldn't take more than 10 to 15 minutes at that age.

I don't think your timetable needs much adjusting, if any!

I think you are beating yourself up too much. She has a very long day outside of the house (I mean no judgement in saying this). I don't see what is wrong with her then watching TV to decompress. If anything, I would see it as a good thing.

I think the tea is dependent on whether she's actually eating a good-sized portion of school dinner, but it's fine for now and as she gets a bit older I'd review whether you can eat a bit more of a meal together.

Homework will likely be limited so can be done at a weekend. The reading is really important and I would try to cut down the getting ready for bed time to leave more for the reading time (even if it's 5 mins of her reading and then mostly you reading to her). Hopefully the need for you to sit with her while she falls asleep will dwindle and if it doesn't I would say you need to address it a bit more.

Swapping after school club to a childminder who is specifically asked to do homework with her might help, if such a person exists.

If you have to do homework, it probably needs to be the first thing you do when you get home before she gets too tired rather than being lumped in with relaxing, calming bedtime stories.