Not to know how to manage my evenings with DD?

[BarbaraVineFan]

I'm a single mum to an almost 5 year old DD who is just starting reception. I work full time as a teacher and don't have any family for childcare. She has been in preschool at my school for a year now.

Our routine currently is that DD is in after school club until 5.15- she has 'tea' there, which is something like cheesy pasta or a sausage roll. I pick her up and we get home about 5.45. I then give her a snack plate of a cheese or ham sandwich with lots of veg and fruit, something like cucumber, tomato, peppers and blueberries, and a yoghurt. She has this while watching TV 😳 and i use the time to decompress a bit from work but also to do things like laundry and housework . Then at about 6.45 we start the bedtime routine. I usually try to have her sleep by 7.45-8, since she has to be up at 6.45 in the morning. I then have my own dinner after she is in bed usually and i get my own work done then as well .

This has worked well for us this year but i am conscious that she will start to have reading and things to do in the evenings . Plus I am feeling guilty that i don't cook dinner (although she does get a hot lunch at school and also has the substantial 'tea' after school , so I'm not sure if she would eat another fullmeal).

The problem is that I can't work out how to change the evening routine. I.can't leave work any earlier and i don't really want to be putting DD to bed much later . How do people manage to get homework and dinner into the evenings ? Some sample timetables would be really helpful please ! Thanks in advance .

Do you never sit down to eat together? Don’t you consider that an important social and emotional bonding experience?

You have hd a lot of replies so not sure if you will see this - but honestly in primary I don't believe in homework.

i think there are some downsides to 5 days a week in ASC - and some upsides as they get used to it and make friends I imagine. They also get a run around and playtime after school which is good for them. As long as it's good quality ASC>

Being a teacher is so tough! I don't know how parents do it.

She will go to bed later as she grows older - but also perhaps you will be able to drop some of the hours at some point if you feel you need to.

Im sure the rushed tea time that many kids have is not a bonding emotional experience - no need to make the OP feel bad.

time for nice shared meals at weekends - some tea in front of the telly in this case sounds like a relaxing end to a tiring day for both parent and child! a single parent has to make sure they have energy to do bedtime alone - they can have the bonding time then.

im surprised by the comments saying to replace tv with educational apps? is this for real? what on earth is wrong with a bit of tv at the end of a day of both school and after school club - the child has been on the go all day!

tapping away at an educational ipad app sounds crap tbh

I honestly wouldn’t worry too much and just make sure you’re reading a bedtime story or two with her. I think it’s more about sharing and understanding books at this age.

When my ds was in reception there wasn’t really homework, maybe a model or something to make at the weekend. I used to do some reading (him to me) at weekends and in the week I’d just read to him as part of the bedtime routine (usually 2 stories then more weekends and holidays in the daytime) and ask him to follow the words with his eyes or ask him to read the odd word or sentence depending on his age and what he could read at that point. It made reading a fun relaxed bonding activity rather than a pressured thing and he has always read really well. We filled in the reading record as and when and I’d always apologise to the teacher at parents evening that it wasn’t filled in more fully and they’d just wave me away and say “don’t worry, we can tell he reads at home” and that was that.

Subtitles are an excellent way for children learning to read, to get used to seeing the words and start to pick up the look of words to speech. You could pop them on for the tv time, have the 15 minutes reading time and this should really help things along. A little and often.

She won’t need dinner. Mine are at after school club until 5:30/6pm. They have their School dinner and then I make them a big snack to eat at after school club. They don’t need more than that. If they are hungry I would make them something small but if they were at home all day would you be making them 2 hot meals a day?
in my eyes they have been learning all day at school, we don’t get home until 6 so a bit of chill out time for an hour doesn’t hurt. We chat about our day, they watch tv and play with toys. Then at bed time we will read books.
don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

I did all primary homework with DD pre school. We got up early and did it over breakfast

5.45-6.00 Quick shower + PJ’s on (bath Fri/Sat/Sun)
6.00-6.30 Homework
6.30-7.30 Snack + TV (Dinner + Chores)
7.30-8.00 Brush teeth, read then sleep
8.00-10.45 Work/Rest
10.45-6.45 Sleep

I would put your dinner in the slow before work or throw something quick in the air fryer (do some chores whilst it’s cooking) and eat when she has her snack

If you have a timer on your washing machine I’d put a load on in the morning and time it to come on so that it finishes at 6.30pm

@Mumistiredzzzz

wait til when? Both OP and her daughter need clean clothes and a clean house.

Well, the alternate days I suggested when the TV could be on (if op wants to cut it down) Or the weekend.

Totally feel you. Also a teacher with two. DH often travels so I'm alone to do the bedtime routine. I get home at 5.30- cook dinner. They watch TV whilst I cook. They the. Have a bath, I do prep for the next day, then they each read to me before bedtime. Try and get them asleep by 8.15pm. Then I can do my work etc. It is brutal.

I had a long post I’d written and then deleted as it would not have come across helpful. I’ve taught primary and secondary. Firstly, You could look at your work so you can leave earlier. Are there tasks you can delegate to a second in department? Can you automate anything? Can you have pupils self mark? Can you use whole class feedback more often? There is so much stuff we do as teachers that are nice but not necessary. Secondly, meal times together. Primary hot dinners are not substantial enough to be their meal of the day. When she begins bringing home book band reading, limit to 15 mins and do it before or after eating or whilst you cook. Lastly, consider moving her bedtime later. Different things work for different kids. My 6 year old goes to bed around 9:30 and wakes at 7 with no issues. He’s happy, healthy and well-balanced all round. My teenager at the same age had to sleep at 8pm or she’d struggle in the morning and would drift off in 2 mins. If she takes ages to fall asleep in the first place consider this as maybe she’s not been stimulated or tired enough to fall asleep to begin with. Bath/shower does not have to be daily either.

It’s a hard slog being a single parent. I am sure you’re amazing and your child is happy and healthy. Take any advice with a pinch of salt and see what works for you. My son now can read to me in the car on the way to school. He can sort himself for bed, he helps clear the table and he can tidy lots of things away when asked. It’ll get easier as she gets bigger is what I am saying. Involve her in lots of tasks and she will relish helping at this age.

Hi op,

you will have time to do the « homework » on the week end :) you din’t need to change the routine that works for both of you. When she grows up, you will have « more » time as less dependent.

Good luck 🌺

We do reading in the car on the way to school each morning. It’s actually a lovely routine we’ve both grown to enjoy. We discuss the story and she sounds out words she struggles with, I’m always listening so can pick up on words read incorrectly. It really works. On
the way home we have a natter then she does times tables rock stars for 3 mins each day. Formal homework is saved for Sundays. Leaves our evenings free to enjoy.
I’m a teacher too so time is precious!!

Nothing wrong with up to an hour of high quality age appropriate TV with no adverts. You need that time too.

Can they do some homework with her at after-school club. Can you read in the morning?

If they feed her at after-school club then just give her a very sime snack with the TV time. Cook at the weekend.

You are doing very well! Don't forget that as she gets older she will have a later bedtime & you will fit in a bit more time. Mine quite liked doing a last bit of homework after pyjamas (weird kids!).

Meant to add - we did reading key words while in bath & after pyjamas sometime, and often in the car on way to school. It's hard work but it does pay off. Keep on, you're doing brilliantly!

ahh don’t worry you are doing your best., what about making some chicken or vegetable soup and freezing at the weekends or school holidays that be nice and nutritious.
again you are a teacher plenty of time on school holidays to do nice things together. a bit of tv won’t do any hairm when she a little older she might want to do clubs like dance or have tea at friends houses.
you doing great x

My kids have a picnic style tea on days they go to after-school club too. It's fine! I book them in for school lunch so they have their hot meal in the day at school. Works really well and leaves time for reading just before bed!

I can’t help with a time table because we home educate (obviously a luxury but actually I’ve come to appreciate that during the last academic year, and more recently with stopping preschool).

My thoughts would be stop the TV during week days and decompress together, maybe with her having a meal/ snack and you having a coffee. This can literally be 10 mins (they eat faster without the TV on).

i really wouldn’t worry about the meal, sounds more than adequate! I wonder if the food related guilt is about lack of quality time with your daughter?

Make a clear time between that top up meal to do chores like laundry and let your daughter have some free play time.

I’d end free play with a quick maybe 5 mins of putting stuff tidy so that’s part of her routine too and not just add tidying to your list of things you have to do after she’s in bed. It’s frustrating when you have to spend all the time trying to sort out and feeling guilt for not spending this time with your child.

Include reading in bed time routine.

so: have snack/ top up meal together even if you just have a drink

she does free play and you do housework

end playtime with tidying

bedtime with reading

have your dinner/ decompress

do the work for school

it sounds like you’ve been doing a great job fitting everything in so don’t stress adding extra cooking related guilt. Also st this age I don’t think homework has a place and if it does it’s at the weekend to keep the learning spread out, not in a school day.

They will get a proper reading book and spellings probably after Christmas, before then it’s a book where you look and talk about it.

It really is hard work because they’re also tired and have done enough already at school. They ask reading is done a minimum of 3 times a week where we are. Don’t stress over it, you won’t be the only parent wondering how this is possible. Personally I’d choose 30 minutes to cuddle and talk over this, they haven’t seen you all day and with breakfast and after school clubs, their day is longer than other kids.

I imagine that every school is different, but my son had to learn how to pronounce a different sound or two each week (tch, ch, etc) and read for 10 minutes.

We do it straight after school (he's just gone into year 3 and I've told him it's non-negotiable to do homework straight away, then the rest of the evening is his) and then it's out of the way. Some of my friends saved the reading for bedtime.

I do all my laundry on a weekend. I’ve always bought enough uniform for a full week. I don’t have time to deal with laundry during the week. As she gets older you might need to factor in clubs. Some clubs won’t be accessible due to your work hours - I’m a teacher and found the same - but did find clubs that worked. Rains is was often 6-7pm. Rainbows was from age 5 but now take 4 year olds. You might find you need to extend your evening. I found eating after kids bed time impossible. From the age of 7 Brownies was 6:30-8. By this point I also had a 4 year old who went to bed later than her sister did because as a single parent she had to come with me to collect her sister. But I often had her sorted and ready for bed. Mine were often in breakfast club from 7:30 and after school club until 5/5:30. Not where I worked either. At one point I used to drop them at my mummy’s for 7am in their PJs as she used to do before school until the youngest was schools she and able to go to breakfast club.

we’ve always done reading at bedtime. Homework wasn’t that much on primary even up to y6 and never for the next day so often caught up on a weekend. When they went to after school club they sometimes did their homework there.

Km not sure you need from 6:45-8 for a bedtime routine. You could maybe condense this. Especially with one child. I’ve no issue with the TV time. Kids need downtime after school to just sit and relax. TV/tablet whatever your preference is.

I would however usually eat with the kids. Never manage the separate later eating. When k tried id always have one who I couldn’t get to bed on time. So I would have something quick and easy for the both of us - scrambled egg on toast, Cheesey pasta, soup. Sit at the table together eating. She can watch tv whilst you make the food. You could even get reading in at the table after eating. We had to do this for a while at the start of secondary. They insisted on z20 minutes logged reading a day and mine wasn’t that good with just going up and doing it (autistic) so we all sat down with a book at the table for 20 minutes silent reading. Got me back into reading for a while and meant the younger one had done her’s too.

Our routines are fluid. Sometimes activities are 6- til 8/8:30. Mad dash to eat and get back out after school on those days. We e also done or share of car picnics on thr way to activities.

It might be worth looking into whether you can reduce your hours and use UC to top up. I teach 2 days a week. That’s what was offered to me for my current job which I got just around the same time as my ex left. I was intending to go full time but when o applied for tax credits back then I was surprised how much I was entitled to. I do have 2 kids though so get 2 lots of child tax or now the child element on UC. But basically I decided it wasn’t actually working more than my 2 days (was m6 at the time but now ups 3) as at the time the top up from tax credits was basically the same as my salary for 4 day but then I had the extra childcare to pay for and the extra travel and also the stress. My eldest also get DLA so I don’t actually have to work but I do. Her DLA payments are also helpful and we get an UC uplift for DLA too. But when I started on tax credits she wasn’t diagnosed and did t receive any of the extra bits. I was lucky though as my mortgage was extremely cheap.

I also learned a long time ago to stop bringing work home during the week for school. When I was full time primary with no kids I always had work at home to do but I managed to reduce this over time. And working 2 days means less work to bring home too.

Edited to add - I can’t edit previous post. I see your little one has food allergies so my suggestion of eggs wasn’t helpful. But, she has a substantial tea at school so there’s probably plenty quick bites you could try but even your offer at the moment isn’t terribly a massive cook out.