Can I have your honest opinion on this situation please!

[Mrsgrapesauce]

I work 30 hours so I am at home all day WFH.
DH works 5 hours 3 evenings a week.

I have put DS into nursery 6 hours a day 4 days a week and DH doesn’t agree with me says it’s wrong and selfish and that DS is to young.

I have told DH now the kids are at school and nursery he needs to be looking at going into full time work or working more hours.

His argument is that he wants to be at home and be here for the kids if they need him.

My work is very flexible so I can up and leave if I need to.

I want to take some of the stress of my self paying all bills holidays days out ect.

aibu?

I think you need to have a direct conversation with DH. You are happy to pull DC out of nursery but that is because DH will be actively looking after him every day while you are working. Otherwise what’s the point of pulling him out? I think your DH is being lazy and needs to pull his weight. He should be treating you as though you are not there, you are at work and being paid to do a job.

Omg, you're giving me ptsd-like flashbacks to finding my DH fast asleep on the sofa while the kids zoned out in front of the TV or on computer games. Everyone thought he was so fantastic to know his kids' names and have changed the occasional nappy, but sometimes when I'd had to leave the house early I'd come back to find them all at home because he'd overslept and covered himself by calling them in sick at school. People are calling OP controlling for organising nursery without much consultation, but I'll bet that's only because she's used to having to take responsibility for everything if she wants anything to get done. I wonder what the DH could do to change that dynamic? 🤔

I’m sure the child was well cared for. Nothing in the OPs posts suggest otherwise.

How can people afford living like that??

You asked for people’s opinions but youve been replying saying the opposite

• ‘His not lazy’
• ’His a good dad’

Are you taking anything on board?
Because you are also saying:

• ’Son isnt getting what he needs’
• ‘Som interrupts ur meetings’
• ‘Son playing up, while Husband is sleeping on the sofa’

He does the laundry and empties the dishwasher, he does the school runs, and says hi to the kids when they get home.
Big deal.

He needs to step the hell up and stop being so lazy

Because dh should be looking for more work!!! Read the post.

Really? What respect is he showing?

Why? it's perfectly normal when both parents actually, you know. work

Childcare?

Sleeping?

Doing naff all with the child?

Well cared for?

You haven't read all Ops posts then, she said she'd find him asleep on the sofa with the Dc left to thier own devices

I agree with this actually. Do you not want him to be a SAHP? I agree nursery is important- what about some part time nursery? I am a SAHP but DS goes to nursery quite a lot!! That’s ok aswell. You need to talk it through.

Yes, but she never told him she was expecting this. She just enrolled her child without saying a word to dh so he asked why. The logical thing for him to do now is look for work, but it’s odd not to let him know the plans beforehand. Communicating to a spouse that dc is enrolled in a nursery seems normal to me. Do you really all just do this without your partners having a clue??!

I don’t know because I’m not in their house.
yes it sounds like he’s doing a terrible job and that op made a great decision, so great! but you don’t think it’s normal to tell a spouse that dc is going to nursery?! (even if yes, they did a bad job of being a stay at home parent)

BUT HE'S NOT PARENTING

Do you sit on your arse?

Do you take DC to activities? Do the shopping? Any housework? Any cooking

Or do you fall asleep on the sofa whilst small DC amused themselves?

But he wasn’t looking after the child. He was snoozing on the sofa while the child was running in and out of OPs office and repeatedly disrupting her working day.

Any childminder / nursery staff who slept at work whilst children ran amok would be sacked,

Honest opinion - You sound more like your partner’s parent than lover. He sounds lazy.

Why are men so bloody lazy now? So many don't want to work or do anything else. Don't men believe in taking care of their families any more.
I would not tolerate this.

"He washes the clothes". Sweetheart, the washing machine washes the clothes unless he takes them to the river and whacks them on a stone.

You're not my cup of tea

God, how can you respect a man who is so lazy and happy to let you work so hard then still have you do the bulk of the childcare and cleaning? Raise your bar and get a partner not another child

Honestly, I couldn’t live like that, it would drive me insane.
You're doing all the work, he’s doing the shit ‘parenting’ whilst working a measly 15 hours.

I’m not surprised you put your son in nursery either, how are you supposed to work with all the interruptions. That’s not fair.

My ex begrudged me only working 4 days since having the kids, yet the house was generally clean and tidy, and all his meals were cooked.

He managed to drop a day when I went back full time (his choice, we didn’t really discuss it) and was then surprised that I expected him to make tea that day, as I was in the office until 6.

Speak to your husband, let him know how you feel about things currently, and why him being a SAHD wasn’t working. Otherwise nothing is going to change or get better.

Just because people do it doesn’t mean it’s better than being home with a parent or looked after by a grandparent or similar.

Your standards are very low unfortunately and that is why you have a lazy selfish loser on your hands.

Rubbish parent who doesn't want to work.
The longer you allow this continue the worse things will get for you.

Thank goodness you recognised he wasn't caring for your child properly and put him into nursery care.

He's a loser who sees you as a work horse.
Wake up to this fact and protect yourself.
Think about the future you want?
Do you really want this waster living off you and taking half your pension?

Sometimes I still on the sofa while toddler potters.

The child could probably do with a morning or two at nursery and perhaps the parents could look into activities for the other days.

Just making choices for your family without including the other parent is awful.

Building a solid parent child relationship through spending time together is a beautiful thing to offer your child if you can xxx