Can I have your honest opinion on this situation please!

[Mrsgrapesauce]

I work 30 hours so I am at home all day WFH.
DH works 5 hours 3 evenings a week.

I have put DS into nursery 6 hours a day 4 days a week and DH doesn’t agree with me says it’s wrong and selfish and that DS is to young.

I have told DH now the kids are at school and nursery he needs to be looking at going into full time work or working more hours.

His argument is that he wants to be at home and be here for the kids if they need him.

My work is very flexible so I can up and leave if I need to.

I want to take some of the stress of my self paying all bills holidays days out ect.

aibu?

It depends on how "hands on" DH is.

If he is mostly arsing around on his phone and only does active interaction with DC "if needed" then yes he should get off his arse and get a proper job, and nursery is a much better environment.

If he is an active and hands-on parent, spending all day reading to & playing with DC, talking to them and involving them in household tasks or taking them out to the park then that's better than nursery.

I just wrote I don't - because dh works part-time as well as doing all childcare and everything at home - I thought I was clear. But yes, I would have despised and resented him if he was stuck at home all day, 'running the household'. Yeah, right, running the household with a dishwasher, washing machine, and all meals lovingly pre-prepared or bought in.

Why is your bar so low that a fly would struggle to limbo underneath it?

🤣🤣🤣

I'm not sure why you say he's a good dad. He is asleep while your son is playing. He doesn't like food shopping so you have to do it after you've finished work. He empties the dishwasher - for god's sake that's very basic!

Your son sounds as though he'll really benefit from the structure of nursery. He'll certainly be safer there than with a sleeping father.

You did the right thing. Now he needs to get himself a daytime job.

Honest opinion is that he should work more. Maybe not jumping from 15 to 40, but at least another day then two.

Him falling asleep while supervising young DC and not taking him out (socialisation, experiences, fresh air, exercise) is not on at all - YANBU.

If he did properly look after DC during day, childcare in day, laundry, dishwasher, school runs and part time work is enough, he shouldn't have to pick up loads more housework, it should be fairly split - YABU.

You "putting him in nursery" without talking to DH - unsure because theoretically big decisions shouldn't be made unilaterally but also it sounds like DC would seriously miss out if you didn't just make this push.

So I'm an economic parasite am I? Because I care for my disabled child instead of going out to work? You don't think I deserve to eat? You sound like an absolute delight.

Terrible, awful, unhelpful view.

I'm really hoping your DC go to school so they can be exposed to more moderate views.

OP, you have 2 children there, not one. I'm struggling to see what real contribution your husband makes, financially, practically or otherwise.

Your life would be easier without him and your child is young enough to make that transition smoother.

Horrific viewpoint.

The school run is the absolute bare minimum. If he's not engaging with your son during the day / taking him outside, the child is absolutely better off in nursery.

I suspect your son was staying up 'til 11 because he'd had no stimulus during the day and/or was being allowed to sleep late in the afternoon.

A person who is not working is an economic parasite

I don’t “work” - I’ve been a SAHM for years and it suits our family for me to be at home taking care of things here. My not working has enabled my dh to advance his career never having to worry about taking a day off for a sick child or one of us not being there if one of them is ill etc.

He comes home to all the domestic stuff having been taken care of and we’ve saved £££ not having to pay for childcare, cleaners etc.

We are wealthy enough that I don’t need to work and our situation works for us and many like us. Weird that you think ANYONE who doesn’t “work” (and by that I think you mean bring in a wage, bc I certainly do a lot of work) is a lowlife parasite. I’m also very happy that I didn’t have to put my dcs into childcare from a very young age so I could chase some kind of corporate dream and run myself ragged trying to be all things to all people.

Lucky most people don’t think like you!

He isn’t a shite dad he is good in some ways but can be a little lazy

You have your bar of what makes a good dad/person so low you can step over it on the floor.

He's a poor parent if he is not using his time at home to interact with your child. A parent who has no or little paid work is a luxury most people cant afford. He needs to take his share of the load either in good childcare or paid work and if he doesnt like shopping he should have started doing online orders already.

Yep!

Mums who are stay at home and who work part time aren't labelled as lazy. Funny that.

In my experience, mums who fall asleep on the sofa whilst in charge of supervising their toddler and never take their children on outings are, tbh.

And having a snooze on the sofa so the toddler interrupts the OP's job?

Did you read her description of the lack of input and the child's behavipur?

Oh come on!!

You are being completely and utterly being taken for a mug

And he's neglecting your child.