Can I have your honest opinion on this situation please!

[Mrsgrapesauce]

I work 30 hours so I am at home all day WFH.
DH works 5 hours 3 evenings a week.

I have put DS into nursery 6 hours a day 4 days a week and DH doesn’t agree with me says it’s wrong and selfish and that DS is to young.

I have told DH now the kids are at school and nursery he needs to be looking at going into full time work or working more hours.

His argument is that he wants to be at home and be here for the kids if they need him.

My work is very flexible so I can up and leave if I need to.

I want to take some of the stress of my self paying all bills holidays days out ect.

aibu?

@GrannyRose15 Thsrs an interesting proposal. What would happen if op suggested she stayed at home and go gets a ft job. Don’t think he’ll be best pleased.

Have you ever been a SAHP.? It is one of the hardest jobs in the world. It is isolating, often tedious and boring. No one ever tells you you are doing a good job and it’s all done for love not financial reward. The last thing aSAHP needs is someone else telling them how to do the job. The misanthropy of MNetters is never so blatant as when Mums are blaming their partners for not doing a job the way they would do it.

So it’s ok to leave the child to their own devices whilst he sleeps? I turned my back for a second and my toddler had got hold of something he shouldn’t. It was fine but I’d never have slept on the job.

Sorry that should be misandry not misanthropy. Though I do sometimes wonder when I read threads like this that so clearly misunderstand human nature and the differences between men and women.

Another one who I suspect has never been a SAHP.

What I am saying is that being a stay at home parent isn’t as easy as people seem to think it is. If there are problems they need to be discussed. It is no good the other parent stepping in and taking over and then complaining that this is necessary. Women can’t have it both ways. Either they stay at home and do the job the way they want it done or they leave it to someone else who will do it their way.

Or in the case of op’s partner, not at all. Eg, falling asleep at the sofa, not preventing child running into op whilst she was working, not shopping, doing household chores etc.

15 hours a week is nowhere near full time- he needs more hours- Tell him he can leave it at 15 hours if he has DS rather than pay for a nursery- he doesn't need to "be there" if the kids are at nursery and school- they aren't at home and can't need him.

Why can’t he stay home and look after the little one? Pull him out of nursery and have him take him to play groups and other places where he can socialise.
can DH even earn enough to justify the misery costs?
I was a SAH parent, working only 2 days a week and spending the rest with DD…. I wasn’t going to bust my arse just to pay someone else to enjoy my child!

Well said. It appears this dad needs a bit of guidance rather than the criticism he is getting on this thread.

Another thing I’ll probably be shot down for saying is that WFH is obviously not working for the OP. She would rather her home was a workplace than a home for her DH and DC. If she can’t find a place at home where she can work quietly then she should go into the office.

Wrong.

WFH has worked fine for us. Both ways. At one point I was at home with him WFH and now it’s often the other way round. We don’t have a massive house. Just a desk in the bedroom and a door but it works because whoever has been parent in charge has been just that. In charge. On the job. Not bloody napping on the sofa. Now DC are older you might get away with that but neither of us ever do because there is always stuff that needs doing - housework, life admin, DIY/house maintenance, food prep etc.

Do you have problems with comprehension? Can you really not see where the OP is coming from?

I don’t think having a penis means you are unable to work this stuff out for yourself. Women aren’t biologically built to know how to structure a small child’s life to give them the balance of activity that’s best for them. We read books. We talk to other parents. We notice what works and what doesn’t. And that what all good, invested and committed parents do, regardless of gender. Why does she have to be responsible for educating him how to best parent the children he helped to create. It’s his job and his responsibility.

If he’s not working he should be doing the childcare.
How much better could you be financially if you didn’t have both of you working part time?

Are you the op? Did I I say WFH wasn’t working for you? I’m giving an honest opinion as requested by the poster.

My point is that WFH with children does work IF the parent in charge actually parents and doesn’t fall asleep on the job. My point still stands. It’s not that WFH doesn’t work for the OP it’s that her DH doesn’t do his designated job properly.

He has a choice either get full time work or watch the child. You could do the u be the house husband u go out full time. However if u choose that route make it very very clear a househusband does all the housework including cleaning the oven/ fridge etc inwas like u but ended up spending days off doing the housework. I got wise and left best decision i ever made. Iyears later it came up in conversation the comment i got from my husband 'aye you were a right mug' enough said

This! Firstly, I’m not sure why you’ve taken the decision to put your DS into nursery pretty much full-time without discussing it with your DH. Secondly, if he’s a SAHD I don’t understand why he is being called lazy when he’s also working 15 hours in the evenings, this seems a little odd. Personally I think you’re being unreasonable unless your finances are such that you desperately need him to go to work full time

He didn't want the child in nursery though, OP made that decision.

Because her husband wasn't actually doing enough - or anything much, it seems.

He’s falling asleep on the sofa while their preschool kid runs around unsupervised and continually seeks out the OP who is working from home. He’s not parenting and nor is he doing a fair share of the domestic work.

Have you been together for long, what was he like before the toddler arrived? Did you discuss parenthood fitting into your lives, did he ever say he could not be a full-on joint parent? If you love him you maybe need to suck this up, you could be through the worst as your child is 2. Would extra domestic help work, maybe a babysitter a couple of afternoons a week to relieve the pressure?