Can I have your honest opinion on this situation please!

[Mrsgrapesauce]

I work 30 hours so I am at home all day WFH.
DH works 5 hours 3 evenings a week.

I have put DS into nursery 6 hours a day 4 days a week and DH doesn’t agree with me says it’s wrong and selfish and that DS is to young.

I have told DH now the kids are at school and nursery he needs to be looking at going into full time work or working more hours.

His argument is that he wants to be at home and be here for the kids if they need him.

My work is very flexible so I can up and leave if I need to.

I want to take some of the stress of my self paying all bills holidays days out ect.

aibu?

Why is he at nursery and not at home with DH?

You have a lazy fucker there, sorry.

What is your husband doing during the day?

Why lazy if he’s been a SAHD plus working part time?
How old is DS?

can you tell us a bit more about what your average day/week looks like? Who has been looking after your preschooler during the day, what about housework split etx?

Either your H is a SAHD or he isn't and if he is you both need to agree on that.
No reason for him not to look for another job but do be aware that if you need him to do school runs its not easy to find one that fits around that

So who's doing the school runs each day then if he goes back to 'proper' work.

(actually this thread already annoying me because I work evenings and do both school runs - the rest of what's left is spent doing housework/food shopping/house renovation/chasing bills etc..Hardly a 'lazy fucker')

I don't think you should have put your child in nursery if your partner doesn't agree. You should have both discussed this before taking action. If this was the other way round and your husband put your child in nursery, without your agreement, there would be serious concerns about a controlling relationship.

Why isn't your DH doing the childcare? You can't WFH and do childcare.

He's either got to be the stay at home parent, or earn a full-time salary. He seems to be doing neither ... A gem.

So DH wants to look after him but you've put him in nursery? That's bananas. How old is he?

Was your DH looking after your DS and you decided to put him in Nursery to try and force him to work full time?

Who does the housework?

WFH doesn't mean being regular childcare

@YellowAsteroid OP had put the child in nursery without DH agreement. Is that something you would have found acceptable for your husband to do if you were at home with the baby in the day?
OP doesn’t even work FT herself! Is she also a “gem”?

Yet another post on MN where people in a relationship appear entirely unable to communicate with each other.

Nothing about this post makes sense.

Why is DS in nursery if DH is home all day to be a SAHD? That seems pointless and a waste of money.

If DH is working 3 evenings in order to be present for the children, which is a perfectly valid choice for a family to make, is he doing all the childcare and school runs? Are you left to work undisturbed?

So has DS been put I to nursery to force your husband to go full time during the day ? Was he was looking after DS during the day and then working evenings ?

Why have you unilaterally decided to put your son in nursery? Isn't that normally the sort of thing one discusses with the other parent first?

Honestly I wonder if a SAHM came on here saying "my husband has put our son in nursery without discussion and told me I need to go back to full time work" if the second comment would be calling her a lazy fucker 🙄

Agreed that's it's completely bonkers. It sounds like you've put him nursery because you work from home and him being at home with his dad was getting on your nerves? Remember your house is a home first and foremost not your workplace and I honestly can't believe you'd just unilaterally decide on something so major with no input.

I assume these are his children too? It seems unreasonable to unilaterally decide to out your DS in nursery when you DH is home to look after him. You need to make a joint decision about how much time DS will spend in nursery and therefore how much time your DH can work.

Is this a reverse?

What?

If a woman posted here saying "I work part time in the evenings and am at home with my pre-school age child during the day. DH has put my youngest in nursery without discussing it with me and told me to get a job" would you call her a lazy fucker?

Nothing wrong with a family having a SAHP, nothing wrong with the parent who has a job wanting to share the financial load and increase household income by wanting the SAHP to get a job. But both of those need a discussion between the parents.

Why? Because he wants to stay at home to look after his young DS in the day AND work in the evening? Unless we receive an update from OP saying he is shirking his responsibility during the day when he is supposed to be looking after DS then this comment is totally unreasonable.

This

I think I’m not clear enough about your set up to have an opinion…does your DH want to look after DS during the day while you work, but you prefer a nursery for him? Or do you juggle child care and WFH?

How old is DS and does your DH do housework/mental load/cooking etc? Does he do childcare reasonably well ie not just stick in front of TV all the time - take DS swimming, baby groups etc? All those things would make a difference to my thoughts. Alternatively, can you and DH agree on timing for him to work more hours eg when DS turns 2 or 3?