My MiL has flounced out of Christmas

[ItsOhSoQuietThisChristmas]

Sorry to mention the Christmas word, but…

I’m kind of annoyed, but I also think it’s funny.

Every blinking year, I have to invited my PIL and extended in-law family for Christmas, and then at least another dinner. MIL is someone who wants everyone together. This usually ends up with me doing a lot of work as they stay over!

There have been a few years I’ve got out of it. Once we went skiing with my DC at Christmas and we got hell over it. So we’ve not done it since.

Over the past few years my DH has been all, “it’s family. It’s just a few days. Christmas is about family”. That’s my MIL talking, not him. He’s been very sentimental over it, and I’ve felt emotionally blackmailed. Basically they all have a lovely time, and my Christmas is shite.

So, a few weeks ago my MIL announced she and FIL aren’t spending Christmas with any of their adult DC or DGC and are going on holiday for 2.5 weeks. It’s basically from a week before Christmas till double digits in Jan.

She’s flounced because she’s in a huff that no one is paying them enough attention, including them etc. She basically has to be the centre of attention, or you are punished. It’s a spiteful move. Her DC will be upset that they aren’t seeing them at Christmas at all. They’ve all got FOG.

On one hand I think it’s hilarious. I even played happy songs and sang along in my car I was so tickled. On the other I’m kind of pissed that I’ve had to suck up crappy Christmas for “family”, forgoing what I want to do (go somewhere Caribbean 😝)

DH mentioned about extended in-law family and Christmas but that’s a big fat NO from me, and I mean it.

I looked at my work schedule for before and after they leave. In Jan I’ll be well back to work and hibernating.

AIBU to go online and book up my early Dec with gorgeous Christmas things to do for us and DC so MIL can not only have her flouncy Christmas holiday, she can whistle for the rest of Dec too?

YANBU, OP. That is wonderful news. I have been so tempted to book a Christmas holiday for years!

You'd be unreasonable not to, IMO!

Congratulations, my mum flounced off last year as we didn’t all dance to her tune and I actually stood up for myself.
interesting to see what happens this year …

In theory its great to fill your early dec up with fun festive treats, but will she want to join you on those?!!

I've not brought up christmas yet, although we know our plans are very low key for once, I'm really looking forward to it!

Hmmm, you're not being unreasonable to book xmas stuff no, because they need to be booked now otherwise they sell out.

So just book what you want too. MIL will have to work around you.

And Christmas isn't about family at all, it's about the birth of Jesus. If you see family all year anyway, why do you have to see them at Christmas too?

What do you actually want to do for Christmas? Go and do that.

DH mentioned about extended in-law family and Christmas

What does he mean-inviting other members of his family over instead?

YANBU.

It'll be a nice break from the pattern and you would be wise to make the most of it.

What an absolute delight! Definitely book what you want to do, you’ve done enough of what everyone else asked for.

Now work out when's the best point in 2025 to announce that her plan was so inspiring that you've booked for your household to go away this year!

Definitely do this.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned it yet but...tell your husband that if he wants your family to host at whatever event happens next then HE needs to arrange, cater and organise it. Say you will happily load the dishwasher afterwards but will not be involved in the planning or anything else. And yes. Tell him as his mother is going away for Christmas then it's obviously fine for you to go away the following year (so you don't have to deal with her two Xmases in a row) to an all inclusive resort somewhere hot. If he complains point out the hypocrisy.

OP, I would have put the flags out! Anyone who hasn’t catered Christmas for numbers of people has no idea how much work it all is! And as for booking things up in December - I don’t think I’d have a single weekend free between now and January!

I feel like I’ve got the green light to go away for Christmas, so I’ll be doing that next year.

Tell your "D" H to get stuffed regarding the extended family thing unless he wants to do it all himself.

I'm assuming he doesn't already?

chef’s kiss

I’m not seeing what’s funny here tbh. You’ve been skivvying for your DH and in laws for years.

Who cares if they give you hell? Your DH can get stuffed when he tells you it’s family.

You should not host for the next 10 years at least.

@ItsOhSoQuietThisChristmas What's FOG?!

Same old same old.

MIL makes more fuss/shouts louder so gets things her way.

Agree with the others and suggest you sit down with DH and say there are 2 options. He can do all the catering and entertaining of HIS family or you can take this chance and have a lovely holiday with just your household for a change. Point out that MiL has started it all this year by booking something so there's no reason you shouldn't do the same. And don't back down!!!

Will your children be upset if they don't see their grandparents in December or January? Can you arrange a visit to them before they go on holiday (which they cater and host)?

What has your DH contributed to the hosting effort over the years?

In laws live abroad and make a big hoo hah over coming for Christmas. Thankfully our house is too small to host them but I ended up doing everything in regard to food etc for a few years and they also need constant entertain as it's their 'holiday'.

Th am fully covid broke that habit. It's very liberating.

They are coming this year and have an air bnb, they've said they're doing Christmas and invited a few extra random relatives.

I have categorically said I am not getting involved in the food, the planning or the ordering.

Op, can I ask why you do all the work? Why hasn’t your dh been taking (at least) an equal share of the load?

your MIL sounds awful - but your dh sounds exploitative.

Don't forget to book lovely things for yourself and the DC for half term, Easter, half term, the Summer and half term again as well. After all, it's all about FAAAAMILY, innit?

Id go away this year... just make sure its not the same carribean island as the in laws!