My MiL has flounced out of Christmas

[ItsOhSoQuietThisChristmas]

Sorry to mention the Christmas word, but…

I’m kind of annoyed, but I also think it’s funny.

Every blinking year, I have to invited my PIL and extended in-law family for Christmas, and then at least another dinner. MIL is someone who wants everyone together. This usually ends up with me doing a lot of work as they stay over!

There have been a few years I’ve got out of it. Once we went skiing with my DC at Christmas and we got hell over it. So we’ve not done it since.

Over the past few years my DH has been all, “it’s family. It’s just a few days. Christmas is about family”. That’s my MIL talking, not him. He’s been very sentimental over it, and I’ve felt emotionally blackmailed. Basically they all have a lovely time, and my Christmas is shite.

So, a few weeks ago my MIL announced she and FIL aren’t spending Christmas with any of their adult DC or DGC and are going on holiday for 2.5 weeks. It’s basically from a week before Christmas till double digits in Jan.

She’s flounced because she’s in a huff that no one is paying them enough attention, including them etc. She basically has to be the centre of attention, or you are punished. It’s a spiteful move. Her DC will be upset that they aren’t seeing them at Christmas at all. They’ve all got FOG.

On one hand I think it’s hilarious. I even played happy songs and sang along in my car I was so tickled. On the other I’m kind of pissed that I’ve had to suck up crappy Christmas for “family”, forgoing what I want to do (go somewhere Caribbean 😝)

DH mentioned about extended in-law family and Christmas but that’s a big fat NO from me, and I mean it.

I looked at my work schedule for before and after they leave. In Jan I’ll be well back to work and hibernating.

AIBU to go online and book up my early Dec with gorgeous Christmas things to do for us and DC so MIL can not only have her flouncy Christmas holiday, she can whistle for the rest of Dec too?

I have one of those MILs who punishes you if you don't please her/do things her way/let her be centre of attention. She flounced right out of our life when we refused to capitulate to the punishments. Now she can't come back from that decree because she has too much pride. She really backed herself into a corner. I haven't seen her for 20 years.

Your MIL has inadvertently made it okay for you to go away at Christmas. I'd take full advantage.

Just be glad they’re away and the tradition is broken; I would spend this time with your own family rather than invite his extended family to spite them. If you don’t stop being so angry you’ll ruin your own family Christmas.

its normal for families who don’t normally see each other to come together for Christmas for better or for worse. I guess you have to ask yourself how important it is to maintain family connections in the face of social pressures to fragment and divide people. We are discouraged from socialising with our colleagues out of work, many people don’t know their neighbours, we leave the communities we grew up in, many people don’t go to church so miss out on the support of a larger congregation…
Wider family systems are one of the last support groups we have. You can choose to value that and invest in it or shrug it off as another burden.

I actually agree with you. I haven’t enjoyed Christmas myself personally, but have accepted that it’s the one time of the year I just have to suck it up to keep the wider family harmony.

It’s not me who has flounced though. I’m the one who is sitting here with no Christmas plans (yet) because it’s been ingrained that we have to spend it with extended family. I’m pretty sure if we had stopped it, say last year, they would go NC with us as a result.

Today is admin day.

You can get together with 'the wider family' without shouldering the full burden @ItsOhSoQuietThisChristmas
It's everyone's responsibility, not just yours.

I get this from my adult dd. She's obsessed with Christmas and having all the family together - only it's at my house with me paying for pretty much everything and doing most of the work.

I've tentatively (don't know why I can't do it firmly!) put my foot down and said no to extended family this year. Happy to have my dc and my dad but I don't want all the in laws as well.

Enjoy your festive December OP 😀

Not sure why you've put up with being the family skivvy for so long. If it's your in-laws can you not just say it's on your husband next time to plan, cook and serve. That might make him reconsider having them all over.

@ItsOhSoQuietThisChristmas Oh I’d be terrified it’s just a threat and she then announces you have all to pull a fantastic Xmas together for her after all.

Do your own parents join you for Christmas?

Yes, you must take defensive action to prevent this being possible!

You absolutely don't have to suck it up, you never have done, and I hope you never do in the future. Tell your lazy, selfish husband that if he insists on hosting his extended family, it'll be HIM doing the lion's share of the work.

YABU if your husband wants a Christmas get together at some point in December and you’re planning to include him and the kids in your plans.

If it’s just so you can ignore the MIL then crack on x

Yes there's definitely this part of it too.

Never host again OP. You're freeeeeeeee

I would thank MIL very much for taking the pressure off you this Christmas.
enjoy a family Christmas without them at your home and have treats around Christmas t home - walks, theatre, cinema, whatever.
next year go away as a family to somewhere you fancy.

Yes this. Op, regardless of whether your in laws are there or not, how does DH justify watching you skivvy? Is it because it’s just ‘natural’?

he does a bit of cooking and refills glasses. Apart from this, nothing.
Forget about your mil for a moment, this alone is just murder him territory. How do men get away with this?

Book what you want and enjoy it.
Moving forward either husband massively steps up and takes over everything at Christmas for these important family times events or it all just stops .Time has run its course yep people have plan smile sweetly and make yours .
I'm in the from this site weird position of literally making a dessert and washing dishes , stacking dishwasher role at Christmas.
We have had 16 people round the table , everyone brought part of meal , drinks etc .The guys cook it while drinking .
I'm always amazed that people accept one person will do it all .

Husband has been stubborn Xmas at home with adults and grandchildren. Last year He said I'll Cook. I took him at his word because with sciatica and arthritic hip, just the cleaning, polishing did me in.
He's 73 the cooking did him in.

He hasn't murmured this year when DIL said Xmas at her house. The fights gone out of him thank God.

We used to feed his parents, mine, siblings, various widows plus two children of our own.

I'm done!!

Yes book your df wonderful C things for all december. Have C day the eay you want it... cosy foursome. Enjoy. Repeat next year. Or book your 2025 C holiday asap

I'm getting to the point that I wonder why I give in with things at Christmas that is for the extended family's benefit. I'd be quite happy if it was just DH and the kids and me. Lockdown Christmas was actually really nice without all the catering to everyone else

I’m pretty sure if we had stopped it, say last year, they would go NC with us as a result.

Sounds like a result.

I'd be thinking about taking kids to my family or going away & he can stay & host his extended family.

Absolutely book up early mid Dec and also take a look at Christmas holidays 2025. Sorted.

The perfect solution- you don't have to slave away behind the scenes doing all the work while the MIL basks in the limelight. Book that 2 weeks you wanted in the Caribbean, and be sure to be busy for the whole of Dec , you don't want your MIL trying to force an early Christmas!

You can have my in-laws who invited themselves for Christmas if you want 😆

Sounds like an ideal situation! Why not book that Caribbean holiday this year?