My MiL has flounced out of Christmas

[ItsOhSoQuietThisChristmas]

Sorry to mention the Christmas word, but…

I’m kind of annoyed, but I also think it’s funny.

Every blinking year, I have to invited my PIL and extended in-law family for Christmas, and then at least another dinner. MIL is someone who wants everyone together. This usually ends up with me doing a lot of work as they stay over!

There have been a few years I’ve got out of it. Once we went skiing with my DC at Christmas and we got hell over it. So we’ve not done it since.

Over the past few years my DH has been all, “it’s family. It’s just a few days. Christmas is about family”. That’s my MIL talking, not him. He’s been very sentimental over it, and I’ve felt emotionally blackmailed. Basically they all have a lovely time, and my Christmas is shite.

So, a few weeks ago my MIL announced she and FIL aren’t spending Christmas with any of their adult DC or DGC and are going on holiday for 2.5 weeks. It’s basically from a week before Christmas till double digits in Jan.

She’s flounced because she’s in a huff that no one is paying them enough attention, including them etc. She basically has to be the centre of attention, or you are punished. It’s a spiteful move. Her DC will be upset that they aren’t seeing them at Christmas at all. They’ve all got FOG.

On one hand I think it’s hilarious. I even played happy songs and sang along in my car I was so tickled. On the other I’m kind of pissed that I’ve had to suck up crappy Christmas for “family”, forgoing what I want to do (go somewhere Caribbean 😝)

DH mentioned about extended in-law family and Christmas but that’s a big fat NO from me, and I mean it.

I looked at my work schedule for before and after they leave. In Jan I’ll be well back to work and hibernating.

AIBU to go online and book up my early Dec with gorgeous Christmas things to do for us and DC so MIL can not only have her flouncy Christmas holiday, she can whistle for the rest of Dec too?

This resonates with me. I never knew my MIL, as she passed before I married my DH. However my SIL and FIL made every single Christmas hell. It had to be on their terms or else all hell would break loose. My mum and dad loved Christmas, and couldn't understand why my in laws were like this.

You have dodged the Christmas bullet have it your way and fabulous Enjoy

Yanbu and now have an excuse I mean reason to never have the Christmas you don't want again !

Christmas is a midwinter festival, originating long before Christianity.

"The origins of Christmas stretch back thousands of years to prehistoric celebrations around the midwinter solstice. And many of the traditions we cherish today have been shaped by centuries of changing beliefs, politics, technology, taste and commerce. "

www.english-heritage.org.uk/christmas/the-history-of-christmas/

OP. Enjoy your PIL free festive season

I’d be cracking the champagne OP! Book lovely stuff early December then (this is what I’d do because I loathe Xmas for the exact reasons you describe), book a holiday somewhere sunny where someone else can wait on you hand and foot… massages, cocktails and not a turkey in sight.

YANBU. Quick book something nice and uncancellable before she changes her mind!

Yes! And it was all MIL's idea, well done her 😆

Yes,absolutely, do it !

Whoo hoo! Merry Christmas! Cheers. :-)

Why does it always seem to be expected that the woman caters for visitors, even when they are not her family. Why isn't this a joint exercise. Women work as well these days and why should they have to go back to work exhausted.

Whatever you decide to do this year, make sure this is you setting the precedent for all future Xmases (and make sure you tell MIL how wonderful a time you had...). If DH wants an extended family Xmas, let him host it all and you can entertain the guests.

I can only read between the lines, but I cannot help thinking that all the years mil has been been persuading you to do something very difficult and tiring and seeing you dash around wearing yourself out, is entertaining.

The words 'everyone together' really says it all. I wonder if she really means it, or if she just thinks she ought to say that? It is something my mother used to say decades ago, a ''why can't you be friends and nice to each other'' when things are heated with my older sister. She wasn't keen on her either, and knew very well that it would never happen!

Take her at her word. Let her go on holiday. Perhaps go away yourselves for a few days (or pretend to)to show you mean it, and will not be buying and cooking all that food.

One day she will need your help, and you will be too tired to give it.

Bloody Christmas, I hate it! Causes so many problems. Do what YOU want to do!

Do your Christmas your way you can't get these days and events back, your MIL has done Christmas her way all her life. Now you are doing Christmas her way!! Book a trip to the Caribbean I'm off to Jamaica for Christmas!
what are the initials used in posts , what is FOG DGC PIL?

Go for it. Had years of my sister in law on another continent telling me how lovely it must be for us all to be together for Xmas together with her parents whilst she had a great time with friends on another continent whilst I was looking after aged parents!

I was about to post the very same- it’s a new family tradition now- but be careful they don’t follow you so pick somewhere unsuitable for them - skiing?

I really think you need to say to your OH no more than every second Xmas if it does return to normal and it should be his family that hosts not you. You are your own family unit - is he tied to MIL apron strings?

(The most I do for Xmas is decorations, make the desert- or buy the cheese board, prep veg for OH then drink wine. We have main days at OUR home then my OH visits his family in between, my ‘work commitments’ mean I don’t need to).

Yes! Was thinking this would be a great time for you to book Caribbean Christmas 2025.

Yes yes yes

Love it!

So she's flouncing off while looking over a shoulder to see if you are looking, and slowing down so you can catch her to change her mind... Glad you've called her bluff and are letting her get on with her flounce!

I think it’s the best news!! She has set a president now… get to a travel agent and book yourself and the kids away for Christmas 2025 and announce with pride that now that Christmas isn’t about everyone getting together you’re very much looking forward to 2 weeks in the sunshine next year!!
and yes absolutely make yourself unavailable early December this year…and I think in future if your husband wants to host then he should be the one cleaning and cooking and you should sit back with a glass of wine!

My mother twice flounced on Christmas morning the narc. That confused the children no end. @ItsOhSoQuietThisChristmas is very lucky MIL flounced this early in the game.

You have your best Christmas and suggest that the others do too. You're all free, woo hoo.

Cannot understand all these histrionics about Christmas. Just leave your in laws to do as they're doing. Don't even comment
Just do as you're doing too. Not worth the hassle. A MiIL speaking here.

Was just going to say this 😄

Can’t see what the problem is. Without your PIL you can have the Christmas you want for a change. Leave next year to sort itself out. Enjoy this year.

Why on earth is it always you providing the venue, food , accomodation etc. How about somebody from the 'extended in law family' getting a finger out of their entitled arse and taking a turn. Just reading your post got my hackles up!