My MiL has flounced out of Christmas

[ItsOhSoQuietThisChristmas]

Sorry to mention the Christmas word, but…

I’m kind of annoyed, but I also think it’s funny.

Every blinking year, I have to invited my PIL and extended in-law family for Christmas, and then at least another dinner. MIL is someone who wants everyone together. This usually ends up with me doing a lot of work as they stay over!

There have been a few years I’ve got out of it. Once we went skiing with my DC at Christmas and we got hell over it. So we’ve not done it since.

Over the past few years my DH has been all, “it’s family. It’s just a few days. Christmas is about family”. That’s my MIL talking, not him. He’s been very sentimental over it, and I’ve felt emotionally blackmailed. Basically they all have a lovely time, and my Christmas is shite.

So, a few weeks ago my MIL announced she and FIL aren’t spending Christmas with any of their adult DC or DGC and are going on holiday for 2.5 weeks. It’s basically from a week before Christmas till double digits in Jan.

She’s flounced because she’s in a huff that no one is paying them enough attention, including them etc. She basically has to be the centre of attention, or you are punished. It’s a spiteful move. Her DC will be upset that they aren’t seeing them at Christmas at all. They’ve all got FOG.

On one hand I think it’s hilarious. I even played happy songs and sang along in my car I was so tickled. On the other I’m kind of pissed that I’ve had to suck up crappy Christmas for “family”, forgoing what I want to do (go somewhere Caribbean 😝)

DH mentioned about extended in-law family and Christmas but that’s a big fat NO from me, and I mean it.

I looked at my work schedule for before and after they leave. In Jan I’ll be well back to work and hibernating.

AIBU to go online and book up my early Dec with gorgeous Christmas things to do for us and DC so MIL can not only have her flouncy Christmas holiday, she can whistle for the rest of Dec too?

Well…you know what to do next year!! Get to that Caribbean holiday you’ve always wanted ha ha!

Your husband sounds manipulative and lazy tbh. He is the real problem here. But you’ve enabled it so it’s partly your own fault too 🤷‍♂️

Its good that MiL’s holiday has inspired you to change things and stand up for yourself.

Christmas is turning into a nightmare for many, or maybe it has been such for a long time.

It's overrated, hyped up, and marketed to be a sentimental family loving load of shite.

In reality it is hard work, usually for a woman somewhere in the pecking order, and simmering resentments can surface esp after a few gallons of grog. Cue mayhem!.

Having gone away for Christmas the past two years I can tell you that barring illness I will never spend another Christmas at home again. No one minded, everyone just got on with what they wanted to do and we all face timed from the sun on Christmas Day.

I know not everyone can do it, but everyone should really try it once. You will never go back to the commercialised blackmail that media and others put on us.

Result!

Next year, put your DH to work.

You need to organise immovable arrangements and quick if you're right that this is a spiteful move. She might be bluffing and not have booked anything at all, or it will be inexplicably cancelled or something will come up last minute so they "can't go".

I have family members who will straight up lie like this in a flounce, then when they don't get attention they flounce a second time and try and muscle in on others plans because they never had any ... then there will be tears and tantrums that they're spending Christmas "alone" when it was all their own doing!

IF I'm right, and DH is in FOG, you'll have a bunch of guests dropped on you last minute and an even shittier Xmas than usual, stressed out trying to get enough food etc. I'm clenching just thinking about it!

Say to her 'that's wonderful, MIL, I'm sure you'll have a great time. Next year we're going to take your lead - we're off to the Caribbean!' And she won't be able to say anything...

It stands for Fear, Obligation, Guilt.

Happy Days OP. I’d start accepting December plans but I wouldn’t put myself out to ask in-laws plans or hold dates just incase

YANBU OP and as your DH wants his family invited for Christmas then he can cook all the food for the family, including you as you are family.

This your DH is clearly part of the issue here

Yes, just came on to say that! Tell her to send loads of photos and then book yourselves a trip for next year (but ffs don't tell her when and where you're going!)

What exactly has your husband been doing to help each year?

Sounds like an absolute win to me! Book yourself something a LONG way away from her, maybe leaving about 10 Dec and coming back for New Year?

Live your BEST life! You don't have to live with the FOG.

Blimey

I’m curious, what form does the flouncing take? What kind of attention does she want for simply…going on holiday?

Good plan. This year you need a pre-Christmas get away, before MiL goes away! Maybe a German city break with Christmas markets, or a bit of winter sunshine.

Book away like booking is going out of fashion. Book as if you life depended on it for the old bst may change her mind.

Book a little getaway and let the chips fall as they may. Let her stew and enjoy some festive sun.

Has she actually booked the holiday, or is she just threatening to so that everyone begs her to stay? Make your arrangements, and if she "changes her mind"; sorry MIL, too late!

Oh come on. Christmas is religious AND cultural, to most people in the UK it’s about spending time with loved ones.

This

Who are the extended family that DH wants to invite? Could you not go to theirs for a change? Only of course if you want to!
Otherwise, I would get yourselves booked up to go wherever you fancy. I would suspect MIL is bluffing, and may yet wish to spend Christmas with you, and the extended family, at yours when her holiday is mysteriously cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Thank you 😊

I did the unthinkable last year just me OH and older kids went away for Christmas!! Went down like lead balloon! On lead up I was called worse than muck told I’d ruined Christmas for everyone… blah blah! We held out …went away had the best Christmas in long while! Grandparents and extended got over it!
Going away again this year! Personally, for me I think I’ve done my time 20 years hosting Christmas which were never fun for me so its someone else’s go 😂

My MIL does this. Then she announces (close to the date) that she’s changed her mind. The DC are expected to change their plans, which they do, because they’re scared to not do what she says. 🙄 They all think it’s normal because they grew up with her fuckery.

I really, really hate all the expectations around Christmas. It's just got stupid and too big. I don't engage, generally, but then I feel like a right old grinch.
Let's hope MIL has really booked a holiday. And i agree with other posters that DH needs to do his bit.