Mil forcing dinner

[Pleeeeaaasehelp]

I’ll make it brief. Mil has never liked me, never really tried to hide it even in front of the kids( constant rudeness and belittling). We don’t see her often as she lives abroad. She’s not your normal Gma, never Birthday or Xmas gifts! But every time we do see her someone ( usually more than one!) ends up in tears when she leaves.
Now the kids are all young adults they don’t want anything to do with her. They pretend phones aren’t working etc…. However that comes back on me.. I’ve turned them against her.
I really haven’t.
For 30 years I’ve put up with her emotional abuse.
Anyway…. She’s coming over, demanding a family meeting about how badly she is treated in this family.
I’ve finally decided I can’t face her anymore and I don’t want to go. I’ve spent 27 years saying to DH it’s only a week, it’s your mum etc…. ( He gave up years ago)
Aibu.
Go She’s old, you’ve put up with it for this long…..

Uanbu. Don't go, let shit hit the fan, but know you’ve been forced a death by a thousand cuts

Woah!

It's the OP's fault that her husband allows his own mother to walk all over him? Am I missing something?

@Pleeeeaaasehelp

Your MiL is truly batshit. I'd do whatever it took to block any method of contact. I think at this point (if you haven't) you need to block her on your phone. If your DH isn't ready for that, that's on him and he can deal with her nastiness. And I'd tell your parents to block her if they haven't already.

Just a thought, have you considered disconnecting your landline? We cancelled ours probably 15 or so years ago and haven't missed it a bit nor had any issues in not having one.

I'm in the States though and we have an enhanced 911 (your 999) where we go in and log our cell phones on a police website so our address pops up if we call for an emergency.

Book into a spa for however long she is there.

I agree. It was a bizarre take. But sometimes people just hear the jargon: “ enabling”; “ abuse” without really thinking through the meaning.

Turning up at your son's work and
"A barrage" of abusive messages could be grounds to reporting her to the police for harrassment

I would do that. Don't engage with her. Just get as much evidence as possible, report, then block on all channels.
She's fucking unhinged.

We have Sky talk which has a wonderful blocking facility on the landline. I blockef mothers home number, she used her mobile, blocked that. Then she used a friends mobile, blocked that.

I see on my account that she does try now and again to no avail.

You can access your landline answerphone remotely.

I think this situation calls for a good, old fashioned letter addressed directly to your MIL. She is then in possession of the reasons why she has made you uncomfortable. Don't use emotional language, just list the reasons then, very politely state that you expect this to be the end of the matter and if she comes to your home you will be forced to call the Police to have her removed. Simple. Then, if you ever hear from her again, just refer her back to the letter and state, very firmly, that you will not be engaging in any further intercourse. She sounds like she has a histrionic personality disorder thus thriving on the drama. Like all such conditions, disengagement is the only cure. Good luck OP.

Shrieking and shouting on the front doorstep when refused entry. Just for the sake of making a scene and upsetting the family.

This is very true. One of my siblings has always been good at laughing in my narcissistic mother’s face. There are times he’s bitten and lost it but for the most part he’s escaped most of her nastiness by laughing at her.

For me going nc was the best way of dealing with her.

He sounds like an absolute whimp

and after three decades of enduring this, all it took was a few dozen anonymous mumsnetters telling you to woman up

This, together with me hitting 50!

I know it’s ridiculous. But do remember she’s not in the country often, maybe once every 18 months. And even then we’ve ducked and dived to avoid her. It’s her latest demand for a dinner to discuss her treatment that’s pushed things too far

but not the “constant rudeness and belittling”
not the fact she’s made someone in your family cry every time she’s visited

weird. so very weird

but hey… the power of mumsnet

And we got back from a lovely weekend on London. DMIL is waiting in her hire car on our driveway!! Kids were out! I go in the house, DH has some serious conversation on the driveway ( I don’t know what) it lasts just under an hr.

And OMG she got back in her car and drove off!!

He’s upset, sort of, but now enjoying a cold beer.
All he’s said is, let’s wait and see……

Bloody hell, I actually think he stood up to her.

I’m so proud of him

i wouldn’t be surprised if he’s just told her that you’re stressed and that he will talk to you and smooth things over

Blimey! Well let's hope your DH was clear with her and she understands her behaviour is unacceptable.

Would love to know what they said. Was she expecting to stay at your house?

Delighted for the OP that she has taken a stand.....finally.

But I stand by my original post.
27 years of this bullshit, forcing her weak bullied husband and children to tolerate this woman?

Unbelievable.

That her children have been forced to deal with this awful woman, having to cut her off, for her son to have the professional embarrassment of his family laundry being exhibited for his colleagues to see.

Really awful.

My post was before the OP wrote that her husband has stood by an allowed his mother behave badly....obviously not great...but he DIDN'T WANT TO SEE HER.

The OP forced this continuous contact upon the whole family.

Even if it was only meeting every 18 months, it was still a poisonous presence in the family that she insisted be maintained.

Hopefully this thread and the futility of maintaining contact with toxicity will resonate with others and help them to make better choices.

Well done your DH!
It's a huge step he's taken, I hope he's OK in the aftermath.

this

Some of you are too hard on the OP...she's been just as badly used as everyone. This MIL is fully to blame. Why in the world should you attack someone who is a peacemaker? She had no idea how bad it could be because she came from a healthy family.

@Delphinium20

Thank you 💕

Is it wrong that I wanna know just how long she was sat in a hire car on your driveway?!

Fingers x she fucks off and doesn't return!

I would guess she turned up for Sunday lunch. We turned up at 7. But we’ll never really know for sure

Jeeeeeez, that is some die-hard batshittery there, to sit there that long.