Mil forcing dinner

[Pleeeeaaasehelp]

I’ll make it brief. Mil has never liked me, never really tried to hide it even in front of the kids( constant rudeness and belittling). We don’t see her often as she lives abroad. She’s not your normal Gma, never Birthday or Xmas gifts! But every time we do see her someone ( usually more than one!) ends up in tears when she leaves.
Now the kids are all young adults they don’t want anything to do with her. They pretend phones aren’t working etc…. However that comes back on me.. I’ve turned them against her.
I really haven’t.
For 30 years I’ve put up with her emotional abuse.
Anyway…. She’s coming over, demanding a family meeting about how badly she is treated in this family.
I’ve finally decided I can’t face her anymore and I don’t want to go. I’ve spent 27 years saying to DH it’s only a week, it’s your mum etc…. ( He gave up years ago)
Aibu.
Go She’s old, you’ve put up with it for this long…..

Uanbu. Don't go, let shit hit the fan, but know you’ve been forced a death by a thousand cuts

I would go. Let her rant then tell her it’s your turn and give a potted history to her with both barrels.

I would also say “certainly you can come and discuss this but it will absolutely not be a dinner and also expect to hear a lot of home truths about your behaviour, attitude and treatment from people who you have hurt in the family. If you are prepared to sit quietly and respectfully listen then yes we can meet but not for dinner. It was only be for a discussion.”

This is a good film script. I'm wondering who'd be good casting for MIL. Brenda Blethyn, Julie Waters, Maggie Steed? Can Nicola Walker play the SIL? Good side-plot possibilities with DS and a work-related problem. Flashbacks to previous painful 'meetings'. OP would you like to be mildly depressed yet getting unexpected attention from a man not your husband possibly at work or at a voluntary/community location? Ideas anybody? MIL could fatally discover this.

Op hasn't addressed this. interesting.

🤣🤣🤣
Honestly those you’ve suggested are simply lovely. Think more a cross between Glen Close as creulla de ville, and the woman who broke the writers legs in the Stephen King movie( name escapes me!).

I on the other hand would love to be mildly depressed getting attention from a young Clooney

Misery - the film.

Kathy Bates

Sorry!
I can only guess my dad gave it to her years ago at a Christening? And has forgotten
Or that he used to use it for work, and she found it by tracing his business, which he closed 8 ish years ago

Thank you

Nicola Walker for SIL is good

I'm so sorry she's still subjecting you to such nonsense, OP.

Hope you are all doing ok @Pleeeeaaasehelp . Narcissists all have the same playbook - if you’re not familiar with it, you’d never believe they could do such things. That’s why they often get away with it because so many people won’t believe anyone could behave that way. Leaves you looking like a liar or an idiot (I speak from experience). Grey rock all the way if you can’t go no contact. Check out the Stately Homes threads here for advice and support x

@ICallPeopleDudeNow previously if things have needed discussion, she’s always twisted the truth in such a way, that I just can’t respond…..
Then she just shuts down the conversation and moves on to how wonderful she is and belittles me in such a subtle way that only those close notice. Aaaaahhhh, I don’t get it! People think she’s great

Yes it can be so subtle. My family member was a master at it. She’s turned others against me unfortunately but the 10 years I’ve been no contact have saved my sanity. They all act the same - it’s insidious x

Thanks for the updates @Pleeeeaaasehelp - your poor son! He must have been mortified that she turned up at work! But now all are seeing the true nature of it all. Ringing your parents and making a nuisance of herself at her grandson's place of business are not the actions of a reasonable person. And I am sorry to read of what happened over the heart murmur; that's appalling.

Good on your DH and your DC though, they sound great (your DD especially). This will probably get worse before it gets better - but you are doing all you can to put an end to this nonsense once and for all, so take strength from that.
I too have an M who is a "pillar of the community" and "so kind". The reality behind closed doors is very, very different.

Your poor DH though; what a rotten childhood he must have had. Hope he (and you) will be OK. I hope that you will emerge from the spectre of this as a stronger, happier (and freer) family together. xx

Lovely post @REP22
I agree with every word.

@NewName24 i concur

This is so textbook. Brace yourself for Flying Monkeys and lawn tantrums.

It will get worse before it gets better but it will end.

In my case I had to emigrate (twice).

How horrible for you and your family OP. I agree with PP, def need police involvement if she is turning up at workplaces and harrassing other family members! Once she has a rap sheet, she won't look 'so kind'...

Lawn tantrums? Not familiar with the phrase, what does it mean?

Sitting on the lawn waiting for the family to come home.

MIL has form for this

Hell no. 30 years of it? Bloody hell. No more. Doesn't matter if she's old.

What are you saying? You are an adult. You say, "No" to her. It doesn't matter what she says. Pretending you didn't hear the door?

Tell her to go away. If she doesn't then you call the police. They won't lock her up or whatever (probably won't) but they WILL make her go away.
Time to stand up for yourself. She's a bully. Don't let her bully you any more.

Doesn't matter. Stand your ground.

Nothing good will come of engaging with MIL as you suggest. The OP should simply refuse to acknowledge her and, if MIL bangs on the door or whatever, then the police should be called. There is no negotiating with people like this.

No. It is utterly pointless to try to communicate with her. She will not listen. She will tantrum and manipulate. Pointless.