Mil forcing dinner

[Pleeeeaaasehelp]

I’ll make it brief. Mil has never liked me, never really tried to hide it even in front of the kids( constant rudeness and belittling). We don’t see her often as she lives abroad. She’s not your normal Gma, never Birthday or Xmas gifts! But every time we do see her someone ( usually more than one!) ends up in tears when she leaves.
Now the kids are all young adults they don’t want anything to do with her. They pretend phones aren’t working etc…. However that comes back on me.. I’ve turned them against her.
I really haven’t.
For 30 years I’ve put up with her emotional abuse.
Anyway…. She’s coming over, demanding a family meeting about how badly she is treated in this family.
I’ve finally decided I can’t face her anymore and I don’t want to go. I’ve spent 27 years saying to DH it’s only a week, it’s your mum etc…. ( He gave up years ago)
Aibu.
Go She’s old, you’ve put up with it for this long…..

Uanbu. Don't go, let shit hit the fan, but know you’ve been forced a death by a thousand cuts

The MIL is inside the husband's head and has been since he was born. The poor lad has a narcissist for a mother. Very difficult to stand up to.

I've seen it happening with a friend of mine. A very intelligent woman in thrall to her narcissist of a mother who manipulates and tries to control her.

The OP should stand her ground though.

No, she should not say that because it's totally dishonest. More dishonesty is not going to help this situation.

Superb. And very pleased for you.

No it doesn't give her some control! You are suggesting that she leaves her home for a couple of days. Allowing herself to be manipulated into leaving her own home? Why on earth should she?
She should stay in her home, refuse to engage with the MIL and call the police if she batters the door.

There is no ice to break. This woman will never ever change. There is no communication to be had, only more and more manipulation. You'll be suggesting family therapy next.

Yes. It's unfortunate that hubs let her in, but given that he did I think that meeting went as well as it possibly could. You removed yourself from her presence, daughter left the house after telling granny "what for", and hubs raised his voice for the first time to her. Very good.

I would bet half a crown that you have not read the whole of this thread.
This woman is incapable of mending her ways or compromising.

No, she instructed the OP or the OP's husband to make a reservation somewhere for dinner. But she also came round to their house to enact her usual behaviour. Two separate things.

So why haven't you reported her to the police for harassment? You are still allowing her to control you. Why did you leave your house? Turn the ringer off on the landline. Come on now.

OP, may I ask a personal question? Was one of your parents an alcoholic?

God this just sounds awful.

You need to make it clear to your DH that you are done with MIL. No more contact with her at all.

If he wants to remain in touch, that's his choice but it cannot be in your home.

Why the hell did she turn up at your DS's workplace? How utterly embarrassing for him.

So that'll be a table for one with a side order of bile?
30 years is a long time to put up with this level of batshit.
I hope she returns from whence she came & doesn't darken your door again ( but for good measure change your numbers, don't tell anyone your new address and tick the box that's keeps your details private on the electoral register)
Good luck 🪻
(And check out Stately homes thread for your husband)

Second zombie thread I've come across, is someone plundering the archives.

??

This thread was only started 4 days ago.

I've name changed for this as its very outing.

My mother's parents were like this but there were two of them to enable each other. They were insidious, played the golden child game with my mother's brother, were abusive emotionally, misogynistic and, there were allegations of SA committed by him towards my mother. She would never really talk about it but I believed her as it explained so much.
They were a nasty piece of work but very good at fooling people and picking on the isolated. If confronted he would feign a heart attack and she would go on the attack about how awful we were.

Anyway, once I grew up and saw who they really were I begged my mum to go no contact with them. I saw how miserable they made her but she constantly sought their approval and attention in an unhealthy way. I couldn't understand it, I still don't fully if I'm honest. I feel so sad for her having grown up with them as parents.

I joined the military when I was an adult and served in Iraq. After one horrendous incident with the loss of multiple servicemen, we were repatriating the bodies to their parents who were waiting at Brize Norton to receive them. It was a horrific day, one I will never forget. I went back to my accommodation to check my emails to take my mind off what had just happened. There was an email from the pair of them that contained the most manipulative attention seeking narcissism I had ever seen. How they were old and shouldn't be treated this way, it was just manipulative bile. I decided there and then I would never speak to them again. They knew I was serving in Iraq. They knew I was in a frontline situation and under pressure. They didn't once ask me if I was okay or tell me to stay safe. It was just about them. I never spoke to them again or went to their funerals. It took that terrible incident to bring into focus how short life can be and how you don't have to put up with abusive people.

I can completely sympathise with your son. He's been put in the middle of a bad situation that he is suffering the consequences of. She is an abusive person and should never have been allowed around the children.

Don't let her cause anymore damage to your lives. Life is short.

Wtaf are you talking about? Why is it OP's fault?
The husband should stand up for his wife and kids, it's HIS mother who is the problem.

I remember a thread on her awful MIL from abroad. Poster went to her mum's with baby to avoid the dreaded visits because husband wouldn't stand up to her.

The MIL moved in!! Poster held firm. After a few days the husband told his mother she had to leave he'd finally seen the light.

I was so impressed that the poster had such a good result.

You can't fix a narcissist.

Second time you have posted on a new thread saying it is a zombie thread. It IS September 2024. What date do you think it is?

Yes, i just realised i read the date wrong. Soz.

The OP has MASSIVELY drip fed AFTER my post.

How about you read the full thread.🙄

.

I have. And I still think you're batshit crazy.

Why any meetings at all?

What exactly does she have to do to be told to go away permanently?

@Campergirls1 i don’t think I’ve massively drip fed. My op did state 30 years of rudeness, belittling and emotional abuse. In the op I just didn’t go into those details.

I didn’t expect the thread to take off as it has!
in response to that I answered questions.

Thank you to those who have shown understanding of how it’s got this bad, and for support to myself and my family for getting out. And get out we will…

The landline is disabled, two out of four kids have blocked.

DH is currently ignoring a barrage of messages. And we’re taking ourselves off for an unexpected
weekend away!

@Pleeeeaaasehelp DH is currently ignoring a barrage of messages. Is your husband not able to block texts and messages from her?? is that possible?