To have stopped cooking for my kids

[JMSA]

Eldest is 23 and moving into her own place next week, so this doesn't really apply to her.
Younger ones are 18 and 15.
I'm a single mum who works full-time. I'm menopausal and exhausted. Most times I'll have cereal or toast, something really simple.
It occurred to me tonight that I've not actually made them food in a while. And I feel massively guilty. The food is there, they just have to fend for themselves a bit.
Other than that, I'm a very present and loving mum
I do their laundry etc for them. But I simply can't be arsed to make dinners. Don't get me wrong, if they said 'mum, we really fancy your lasagne', I'd do it. But they probably wouldn't as I'm not the best cook anyway.
AIBU?

I think with a teenager of 15 it's a little young to just stop cooking completely. Especially without having a conversation about it and perhaps agreeing to a roster or discussing things they can make, or asking what ingredients you need to get in so they can make meals for themselves. Seems like a pretty big ball drop to decide to stop cooking without doing any of this, providing food is a key part of parenting.

i only have one DD at home now, she's 22 and i haven't cooked for her in about 3 years. When she turned 18, she wanted to be more independant (she's not moved out yet due to MH issues and is saving for a deposit for a house). She has her own fridge and a cupboard in the kitchen and she does her own food shop, and cooks her own meals.

DH and I are of the older generation and we tend to eat at about 5 or 6, however, she eats at about 8 or 9, so it just wasn't practical either.

We do still have some meals together as a family, but things just work well now

DD (20) regularly makes and has done for the last few years:
Chicken + bacon Caesar salad
Penne alla vodka

Creamy ham, mushroom & leek spaghetti
Tortellini + fresh pasta sauce
Spicy fish tacos with cheese, fajita veg and breaded mushrooms
Tofu + vegetable fried rice
Omelettes

I regularly make:
Spaghetti bolognese + garlic bread
Homemade lasagne + side salad
Chicken korma, peas + rice
Fishcakes with veg, mushy peas and buttered new potatoes
Haddock, leek, Parmesan & pea risotto
Bangers, mash, veg + gravy
Chicken noodle soup
Minestrone soup

Most of these are easily meal prepped or can be quickly made with low effort

At 13 your child is cooking because they have to if they want to eat? Wow, that is poor.

No wonder there are more entitled lazy brats these days. A 15 year old and 18 year old are more than capable of putting together some dinners. I would cook twice a week (one of those nights make extra for leftovers another night), if not to just make yourself feel good. One night take away, one night toast/cereal. That’s 5 nights. And they cook one night each

@Skyrainlight
😂 I'm not going to take any notice of criticism from people who believe serving up jacket potato, beans and fishfingers to a teenager is superior to the teenager themselves making themselves a meal of steak, sweet potato, broccoli and roasted tomatoes.

Good try but toast or cereal isn’t dinner, nor is it a meal.

That’s all fine and well if your teenager is making nutritious meals like that. In OP’s case, hers is not. A jacket potato + fillings/sides that you describe is far superior nutritionally to toast or cereal.

Yes, damn all these lazy entitled brats. God forbid children expect their mother to produce a home cooked meal on occasion. Who do they think they are? 🙄

I wouldn't worry, tbh: if you are, though, you can always ask them how they feel about the situation. I bet at 15 and 18 they'll be honest and tell you exactly if it bothers them 😉
And if you're worried about nutrition per se, you provide the nutritious food (and even recipes or weekly menus) and they cook: if it's done with love and respect, there's no problem!

The 18 yo is fine to fend for themselves, uni students who live in halls have to! Some people also leave home at 18 and have a child of their own so I think it’s ok for the 18 year old to be cooking for themselves every day personally.

Bit rough on the 15 year old. You don’t have to cook for them every night at that age I’d say but I think it would be nice at least 2-3 times a week and you should sit together for the meal if possible…

I think you need to be involved in their meals no matter what. Maybe everyone could do a weekly meal plan together or have a rota for cooking etc. At that age they should be learning to cook but it's one thing a 15 yr old cooking while Mum is doing other chores, another to be rummaging in the cupboard for some food alone.

What kinds of meals do you do that take longer, as you mentioned quick things which I don't think are so bad either.

There a thread running now where the OP is complaining the dad literally only feeds the children take away food. Most posters seemed to feel the oldest child (a 13 year old girl) taking over cooking duty’s would be the best solution.
This thread certainly makes for an interesting comparison 😂

What do you know about the particularities of pp's home life? Children can contribute to the wellbeing of the family and, in fact, helping out is very good for their own self-esteem. This will look different from family to family, of course: if you're a SAHM who can do the majority of tasks, if you wfh or work outside of the home, if you are high earner or working class... Age aporopiate tasks (and cooking can be one of them) are not the problem.

I work three days a week. I have a 21yr old and 17yr old. On the work days they are expected to feed themselves. The fridge, freezer and cupboards are full. The 21yr old lives on takeaways... his choice being an adult. The 17yr old will get a takeaway if he has money or will cook.

I’m not sure how to answer that as my weekly menu varies massively, and I tend to go through different phases (eg I went through a Caribbean/African phase earlier this year which everyone loved, there were lots of goat curries/jerked meats/caribbean and jollof rice). This week I’m busy and keeping simple, so it’s going to be some sort of risotto, gnocchi and lamb keema meatballs with tumeric rice. One night out for dc’s birthday, then I’ll do a shop for next week. Honestly most of my weekly recipes are really quick, the examples I gave were picked purely because of how simple they are. If it’s got the point where making a simple pasta dish for your kids is too much, then surely at least bung a potato and beans in the micro. ANYTHING is better than nothing at all!

For me it less who does the cooking, I agree with you 15 and 18 year olds are perfectly capable (ignore all the martyrs on here who'll do everything for their precious angels until they're in their mid-30s), it's the sitting down together after work and school. I think it's a nice habit to get into. Even if it's just eggs on toast, you could divide up the cooking, use recipe boxes, batch cook.

SOME dinners.

A 15yo shouldn’t have to cook every night because their mum refuses to.

And toast/cereal isn’t a healthy meal and shouldn’t be encouraged to be had as a dinner one night a week - no wonder we have an obesity crisis.

And cooking for your child does not make them a brat FFS 🙄🙄

I’ve not seen that thread yet but from what you’ve said it doesn’t surprise me.

There are some very old fashioned mindsets on here that believe young girls should start taking over the cooking (and other household tasks) once they get to a certain age.

Its very sad in this day and age.

There’s a big difference in learning how to cook/ becoming more independent vs having to do it because no one else will/ it’s their duty to.

A parent not cooking is ok apparently but a child not cooking is apparently lazy and entitled.

No wonder there's an obesity epidemic if people think weekly takeaways and sugary cereal as a dinner are acceptable.

I still cook for mine and they are 24, 23 and 17 ! I probably cook more for the 17 year old and just make enough for everyone. If I didn't cook for him he would make his own food but it would likely be noodles or a toastie.
It's difficult because I'm knackered sometimes after working. I also use the slow cooker a lot and batch cook and use the airfryer for quick meals

I think you still need to cook dinner, definitely for the youngest. It's a shame they miss out and seems unfair when the older ones had it done for them for longer.

When my kids got to that sort of age, we'd cook most of the time, they would each cook a meal once a week or so.

This is somewhat of a drip feed, the question is more about stopping fancy meals? It's unusual that teens won't even eat a simple pasta meal, what's going on there?

I get you. Finishing a 11hr day and getting in near 7pm I often can't be bothered to make a meal for my children who are same ages as yours.

What I have found helpful on and off is doing something like hellofresh where the receipe and food is all provided and then ask the children to take turns to cook it and then I cook my days off or early finishes. Working, planning, shopping and cooking meals constantly is exhausting if you're not a keen cook.