Furious about family wedding abroad

[Creamandjamorjamandcream]

A close family member has lived on the other side of the word for the last five years. He met someone over there who seems great (we’ve only actually met her once when they spent some time in Europe) and last year he proposed!

We have been discussing flights and accommodation for a few weeks. We are a family of 4 with a 4 year old and an 18 month old so it was always going to be tricky financially and practically to travel. They live in a major city but the wedding will be about two hours away in a beautiful rural location. We have booked flights and accommodation for the wedding and the two weeks either side to explore.

Last week we received a formal invitation which stipulated that it was an adults only wedding. I immediately contacted my brother to make sure that our kids were not included in the ban - seeing as he knew we had booked flights for us all and this had never been mentioned. Unfortunately he said that our children were not welcome at the wedding however his wife to be had the details of some baby sitters in the city.

I don’t know what to do!! I am furious that we have paid so much money for accommodation and travel which I never would have if I’d have known our children weren’t invited!! I feel very uncomfortable with leaving the children two hours away with a stranger overnight however if we take them with us we have no other alternative as everyone we know in the country will be attending the wedding. I’ve asked if they can be babysat in the hotel on the wedding site as a compromise but have been told no as ‘they don’t want any kids there at all’.

Please help me with what I should do!! I feel like I’m too angry to think straight.

They probably wouldn’t want to be around you either - so no problem!

It's so annoying when OP's don't give even a one tiny update and just vanish. There's likely to be some progress within a week. Response from DB? Decision not to attend?!

The best weddings I have been to were child free. Who wants annoying children running around when you are trying to enjoy yourself?

@Childfreecatlady Funnily enough, the best weddings I have been to were informal family weddings that weren't child free. Being able to enjoy yourschildrenhaving children running around enjoying themselves are not mutually exclusive.

The best wedding I've ever been to had a very well-staffed crèche 😂. Win, win, but it was very costly for the couple!

I respect ppls right to a child free wedding, but to be honest I associate them with overly staged events where the couple is just a bit too into the idea of My Perfect Day Where I Am The Star and creating a lot of heavily curated stuff aimed at social media

TBH so do I.

I would be really annoyed and would cancel everything immediately and try to recoup lost money. That’s insane that he would expect you to travel to the other side of the world, spend all this money, take time off work, and that your children, his nieces and nephews, wouldn’t even be allowed at the wedding. Mind blowingly selfish. I also hate the idea that children are some kind of inconvenience that you can leave with a random stranger.

@JustMarriedBecca why have you just assumed there are four alive healthy grandparents able to babysit?! My son has only one grandparent who has Parkinson’s I would be quite upset to get ignorant advice like that

Not sure why, given the amount of perfectly posed children that can be found under the wedding tag.

I'm childfree by choice, but I have very little time and patience for childfree events, especially weddings, which are, in essence, familial events. I can't imagine a family wedding without my niece and nephew and little cousins.

So agree.
I think children add a lovely madness to the weddings I have been to before I had children.
I wasn't looking after them so it really didn't impact me.
Our family weddings always included children and ours remember them so foundly.
The few that were child free after we had children, we never gave one single thought to, simply declined immediately, likewise foreign weddings...no interest whatsoever.

When an OP doesn't bother up come back, I start to think they were on a wind up and the thread's not real at all!

@Creamandjamorjamandcream have you decided what to do?

If you cannot get a decent refund or redirect the funds spent to a (future) holiday credit, I would e-mail the hotel (venue) and confirm that the hotel has an adult only policy. If this is not the case, hire from the babysitter list given or ask the hotel for a recommendation & let your kids be minded at the hotel (venue) while you and husband attend the wedding. I wouldn't even tell anyone that this is what you have planned as it wasn't a hotel policy so it's nobody's business & your brother can't dictate the safety of your kids. It's unreasonable to know for weeks, as the Groom & brother that you have planned all four members to travel to his destination wedding and then throw you a curve ball with "no kids".

@Childfreecatlady The best weddings I have been to were child free. Who wants annoying children running around when you are trying to enjoy yourself?

I genuinely, hand on heart can say I would much rather be at a wedding with loads of happy kids running around and making the place joyful than any aggressive child-haters. Other people's kids have never once, not one single time prevented me from enjoying myself. Weddings are family events, and it is weird and cold and stuck-up to not include the child members of the family.

@JustMarriedBecca no response?

That's cool for you, plenty people find children annoying though and luckily it is up to the bride and groom to choose if they want children there.

Hi OP, I really appreciate how upset you are. I've experienced a similar issue myself and this is another example of how wedding arrangements will ALWAYS upset someone

Hi @Creamandjamorjamandcream

Have you decided what to do yet?