Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious about family wedding abroad

619 replies

Creamandjamorjamandcream · 02/09/2024 16:39

A close family member has lived on the other side of the word for the last five years. He met someone over there who seems great (we’ve only actually met her once when they spent some time in Europe) and last year he proposed!

We have been discussing flights and accommodation for a few weeks. We are a family of 4 with a 4 year old and an 18 month old so it was always going to be tricky financially and practically to travel. They live in a major city but the wedding will be about two hours away in a beautiful rural location. We have booked flights and accommodation for the wedding and the two weeks either side to explore.

Last week we received a formal invitation which stipulated that it was an adults only wedding. I immediately contacted my brother to make sure that our kids were not included in the ban - seeing as he knew we had booked flights for us all and this had never been mentioned. Unfortunately he said that our children were not welcome at the wedding however his wife to be had the details of some baby sitters in the city.

I don’t know what to do!! I am furious that we have paid so much money for accommodation and travel which I never would have if I’d have known our children weren’t invited!! I feel very uncomfortable with leaving the children two hours away with a stranger overnight however if we take them with us we have no other alternative as everyone we know in the country will be attending the wedding. I’ve asked if they can be babysat in the hotel on the wedding site as a compromise but have been told no as ‘they don’t want any kids there at all’.

Please help me with what I should do!! I feel like I’m too angry to think straight.

OP posts:
Muchtoomuchtodo · 02/09/2024 16:41

Cut your losses and cancel everything

DeclutteringNewbie · 02/09/2024 16:42

Cancel the flights and accommodation?

Its an invitation, not a summons.

Wowjustwow99 · 02/09/2024 16:42

I'd be fuming can you just go on holiday to there country or can you change the flights to a holiday you want to go on and not attend the wedding.

Leafygreen84 · 02/09/2024 16:43

Will you be able to recoup ANY of the money you spent if you cancel?
YOURE not being unreasonable at all, I’d be furious. WHY did he let you book tickets for the kids and not mention it was child free??
Is the wedding in a destination you could make a family holiday out of? As in, still travel but not attend the wedding?

UnctuousUnicorns · 02/09/2024 16:43

Don't go to the wedding, just treat the time away as a holiday. That's what I'd be doing. 🤷‍♀️

GCAcademic · 02/09/2024 16:44

Is it somewhere you’d want to go on holiday if it weren’t for the wedding?

How much money will you lose if you cancel? And how much have you spent?

Psychologymam · 02/09/2024 16:44

Oh my goodness - this is insane. There’s no way I would leave my kids with a random person so I think I’d go to the wedding and have husband mind them. I wouldn’t have gone but now your flights and booked so if you can’t cancel them that’s the option I would take. I would be incredibly annoyed though and not making much effort.

SuncreamAndIceCream · 02/09/2024 16:44

I don't know what to say OP

You've booked flights and accommodation and your DB has pulled the rug from under you

Really unfair

I wouldnt go to the wedding. It's not a reasonable expectation that you leave your children with someone you don't know.

I would turn it into a family holiday instead, you may as well get some use out of the flights and your DB can suck it.

Octonaut4Life · 02/09/2024 16:44

It's absolutely ridiculous for them to expect you to be happy with using babysitters in a foreign country overnight for kids of that age. You're absolutely right to be fuming, they needed to tell you it was no kids a long time before booking! Cancel or see if you can rebook to go somewhere else.

jazzyBBBB · 02/09/2024 16:44

He's being really unfair I hope your flights are refundable / transferable.

FionnulaTheCooler · 02/09/2024 16:44

I’ve asked if they can be babysat in the hotel on the wedding site as a compromise but have been told no as ‘they don’t want any kids there at all

That's not their call to make though. They can ban your children from the ceremony/reception but not from the hotel altogether. If that's the option that works best for you then do it.

DappledThings · 02/09/2024 16:45

I'd cancel entirely. Childfree weddings are not my cup of tea but fair enough if it's what the couple want. But banning their own nieces and nephews and being that far away is awful behaviour. Utterly unreasonable of them.

Leafygreen84 · 02/09/2024 16:45

FionnulaTheCooler · 02/09/2024 16:44

I’ve asked if they can be babysat in the hotel on the wedding site as a compromise but have been told no as ‘they don’t want any kids there at all

That's not their call to make though. They can ban your children from the ceremony/reception but not from the hotel altogether. If that's the option that works best for you then do it.

Exactly, it’s none of their business who’s in the hotel.
That being said, I wouldn’t even do this. Wouldn’t leave a stranger in a hotel with my kids. Honestly just don’t go.

simpledeer · 02/09/2024 16:45

I agree with PP this is absolutely shit behaviour.

I would try to cut my losses and cancel everything. If that’s infeasible, just go for a holiday but don’t attend the wedding.

Sheelanogig · 02/09/2024 16:47

No babysitting allowed at the hotel??? That's extreme.

I would be looking at cancelling.
Or could the booking be changed to somewhere else that you want to go to and you have a family holiday.

I'd be furious if my sibling knew I was booking with my children included then changing to adult only and not allowed at the hotel. That's bonkers unless it is a adult only resort.

DappledThings · 02/09/2024 16:47

Leafygreen84 · 02/09/2024 16:45

Exactly, it’s none of their business who’s in the hotel.
That being said, I wouldn’t even do this. Wouldn’t leave a stranger in a hotel with my kids. Honestly just don’t go.

Show quote history

Sounds like they are saying they dont want children as any part of the holiday that's the few days either side of their wedding. Breathtakingly rude of them.

BodyLamp · 02/09/2024 16:47

I am from a different culture that welcomes kids. I have just got my head round child-free weddings here. But including your own nieces and nephews in that ban just blows my mind.

I would not be attending.

Ponderingwindow · 02/09/2024 16:47
  1. they can’t control whether or not your children are at the hotel
  2. i would not leave my children with an unknown babysitter even in the same hotel
  3. your brother has essentially rescinded your wedding invitation after you spent the money to attend . You are justified in being furious. he needs to understand that your relationship is probably never going to recover from this.
SausageRoll2020 · 02/09/2024 16:48

Did you just presume your children were invited? Or was there originally a plan to have children at the wedding which has now changed?

You have the option to leave your children with a babysitter and by the sound of things the wedding is still a few months away which means you have plenty of time to book someone who is qualified/has whatever DBS type checks are relevant in that country.

JustMarriedBecca · 02/09/2024 16:48

FionnulaTheCooler · 02/09/2024 16:44

I’ve asked if they can be babysat in the hotel on the wedding site as a compromise but have been told no as ‘they don’t want any kids there at all

That's not their call to make though. They can ban your children from the ceremony/reception but not from the hotel altogether. If that's the option that works best for you then do it.

This. Not your brother's call to make if that is where you are staying. I'd just calmly point out that in 2-3 years when they have their own kids he'll feel awful and really embarrassed over what a complete tool he is being.

SoupDragon · 02/09/2024 16:48

As others have said, I'd ditch the wedding and have the whole trip as a holiday.

LoneHydrangea · 02/09/2024 16:48

Can you cancel and/or swap for a holiday? He really should’ve let you know the no kids bit before you booked.

Moveoverdarlin · 02/09/2024 16:48

I would be livid. No way would I leave two young children (1 of which is a baby) with a stranger two hours away on the other side of the world.

You have two options as far as I can see it.

  1. Cancel and not go at all.
  2. Go as planned on the trip. But on the day of the wedding your DH stays with the children and you attend the wedding alone.

But yeah you have every right to be furious.

pasta · 02/09/2024 16:49

What an absolute dickhead. I think in your shoes I'd cancel rather than throw good money after bad. I would have one more conversation with him before doing that though, to see if he will see reason

WiddlinDiddlin · 02/09/2024 16:50

The fucking cheek... telling you you can't take your children to a hotel room you're paying for and have them babysat there?

I would only go if I couldn't cancel and get the whole cost back. But if I had to go, I would absolutely be taking the children to the hotel and 'D' B can stick it up his bum!