No show at party

[Iwishicouldflyhigh]

So i had a party for my 9 year old daughter last week - it was low key, in the garden and about 7 children invited, we had a bouncy castle/hot dogs etc, so not hugely expensive.

Everyone confirmed they could come, i sent a few WhatsApp messages prior to remind people to bring swim stuff etc, message read by all.

One girl just didn't come - we waited for her to begin the party and then cracked on.

No apology from the mum either before or after, it's just so rude and i'm really tempted to send her a message calling her out (in a respectful way - ie it would have been appreciated if you'd let me know yada yada).

Through the grapevine, i know she's having a tough time with a divorce which is making me hold back - i don't want to add to her grief, however i also think that sending a quick message beforehand isn't too much to ask.

I sent a message after the party thanking people for coming, and still no message from her (she's read my message).

It's mainly her daughter i feel sad for as she was really excited about coming.

I'm not particularly fond of this mum, she's one of those who posts cryptic messages on Facebook - 'just arrived at A and E' and then doesn't elaborate on why, but feeds on all the sympathy messages - so it wouldn't be a loss to me if she she takes my message to her in the wrong way.

AIBU to send her a polite message asking her why she didn't let me know her daughter wasn't coming, or should i just leave it?
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And you think that is acceptable? Really ? To accept an invite, decide to do something else and not bother to let the host know? Or if you forgot the party, to apologise after. Wow.

It was a kids garden party. It does not matter. You got your apology. It is absolutely acceptable for grown ups to be imperfect occassionally. You are not the birthday party police. Let it goooooo

You have really low levels of courtesy and respect, that’s all I can say.

yes, people are not perfect, but it’s just nit ok (in the vast majority of people’s opinions) to accept an invitation, not go (due to a better option) and not hither letting the host know or apologising after.

if this is the sort of thing that you do, you are really not teaching your kids (if you have them) acceptable behaviour.

I’ve let it go, I’ve moved on. I still think it’s nit ok.

Don't bother.

Just avoid her next time

It's definitely not ok!

Some people are crap

You know she’s going through a tough time yet want to add to this by giving her shit for forgetting about your child’s party?

She’s having a rough time, perhaps offer her some support rather than using this to tear her down some more. Your child’s party just wasn't the centre of her universe, she has a lot of shit on her plate right now.

I prefer to lead by example rather than teach my kids that it's ok to berate other people. But whatever. You do you.

As others have said plenty, it’s too late and you’re being unreasonable if you bring it up now. All you’d be doing is starting an argument or possibly making a rough time for someone you already know is going through it.
You say you waited for this child, you could’ve text at the time and that would’ve been the time to raise it, or immediately after the party. Passive aggressively thanking guests and watching whether she read it isn’t any better of you really.
You have no idea what is going on in others lives and it may be nothing, she may have fully forgotten for no reason at all or due to divorce stress and by the time you send the thank you have felt too embarrassed to raise it. Any manner of things could be going on. Having the chance to quickly open a message doesn’t mean a person has the mental capacity or time at that time to form a reply. I say this as someone who missed a child’s birthday party while my other (non invited child) was in and out of hospital. I didn’t explain myself to the mother for a whole month after, I knew and felt like such a failure to my child because there was so much I was going through with her sibling. It wasn’t something I was able to do while coping with so much other things going on. Sometimes people can’t put others first when they can’t even cope with their own lives. Cut her some slack.

Kids’ birthday party no-shows are really common. There’s usually at least someone who doesn’t turn up to most of ours. We had one very sad year where hardly anyone showed up. I agree it’s quite rude. Mistakes happen, I’ve done it (once, and sent mortified apologies as soon as I realised) but to not apologise or to do it deliberately is rude. But you just need to let it go. Not worth the angst. We have 4 kids, and sometimes there can be a birthday party or two in the diary every week for months on end. It can get quite tiresome, so it’s no wonder parents deprioritise it sometimes, especially if they have a lot going on in their lives. A courtesy ‘sorry we can no longer make it’ would have cost nothing, but you can’t force people to behave how you want them to, and there is nothing to be gained through having a dig or getting wound up about it. If you do anything, kill her with kindness and offer a play date as a PP suggested.

😂