No show at party

[Iwishicouldflyhigh]

So i had a party for my 9 year old daughter last week - it was low key, in the garden and about 7 children invited, we had a bouncy castle/hot dogs etc, so not hugely expensive.

Everyone confirmed they could come, i sent a few WhatsApp messages prior to remind people to bring swim stuff etc, message read by all.

One girl just didn't come - we waited for her to begin the party and then cracked on.

No apology from the mum either before or after, it's just so rude and i'm really tempted to send her a message calling her out (in a respectful way - ie it would have been appreciated if you'd let me know yada yada).

Through the grapevine, i know she's having a tough time with a divorce which is making me hold back - i don't want to add to her grief, however i also think that sending a quick message beforehand isn't too much to ask.

I sent a message after the party thanking people for coming, and still no message from her (she's read my message).

It's mainly her daughter i feel sad for as she was really excited about coming.

I'm not particularly fond of this mum, she's one of those who posts cryptic messages on Facebook - 'just arrived at A and E' and then doesn't elaborate on why, but feeds on all the sympathy messages - so it wouldn't be a loss to me if she she takes my message to her in the wrong way.

AIBU to send her a polite message asking her why she didn't let me know her daughter wasn't coming, or should i just leave it?
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I would just leave it. What good can come from you making her feel bad about her lack of manners. Just show grace and move on.

"Yes it's annoying, but if she's having a tough time then your daughter's birthday probably wasn't a priority for her. I'd let it go and not give it any more thought. It's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things."
This.
You have no idea what she may be having to cope with.

If you have cake or did any party bags maybe contact mum and say we have this for x as she missed the party or message and ask how she is if not and say her daughter was missed at the party.

Let it go and don't invite her next year

I messaged her to ask if she’s ok and she said that as the weather was good, they decided to go out for the day.

Well she looked like she was coping fine in the photos she posted on Facebook today (of the day she went out on my DD’s party day). And certainly coping well enough to send a text saying they weren’t coming. Or an apology after.

Yes it’s annoying, yes it’s rude but you have no idea what is going on in her life right now. Also your child’s party isn’t other people priority.
i say this although I am completely on your side. Sometimes best to leave it.

You seem to be massively over thinking this and you obviously don’t think much of this lady in the first place. I would hardly give this a second thought.

I'm not particularly fond of this mum.

Oh really?

I might just ask if she's ok. It would be the kinder thing to do if she is having a rough time.

Let it go. It's not normal to seethe over a kids party like this.

We failed to go to the birthday party of one of DC best friends. I thought it was on a different day. We'd bought a present and everything. My DC was devestated. I still feel guilty ten years later 😂

Just let it go- she probably is having a horrible time , you have no idea what her problem was on that day and you are being really quite petty. Get over it

When I was going through a divorce every single day was a struggle just to get up, get dressed, get myself to work.
If she had suffered a bereavement would you feel the same way? Because I can tell you for some people Divorce is the most painful emotional experience they will ever encounter.
Instead of seeing this person as rude, see her as someone going through pain and heartbreak and send a message saying, you are sorry she didn't make the party but you know she is going through a very difficult time and you are thinking of her.

Yes it's annoying but just leave it and then don't invite next time.

So just forget it then.

Yea it’s annoying when people do not communicate but honestly, just let it go and still invite her daughter if your DD has another birthday party.
Just be kind.

You need to take a chill pill mate.

perhaps you haven’t seen my update where I said she decided to go out fir the day as it was nice weather.

Forget about it and don't invite next time. It didn't cost you anymore to host her as it was a party at home. My son had a racing party that cost £30 a head and the kid didn't show up. I let it go as they were known for being flaky re attending things and didn't invite again.

In all honesty, although she has been rude and hasn't been nice in the past, time has passed, and it's probably a bit late to send a message now. You know for the future that you can always message her before the time for arrival to check if the child is going to attend or not. I think if you do message her and she makes a big deal of it by getting upset, you are the one who will get shredded to pieces by others. Personally, I wouldn't do it.

I think it's a bit late for that now 😂

I'd probably leave it now, but would have messaged in the chat on the day asking if she was coming. Or after and say we missed x today I hope everything is OK.

Just let it go. You’ve said she’s having a hard time with a divorce, why make her feel bad?
You sound exhausting and bitter to me, why are you focusing one uneaten hotdog? Maybe take a look at your own mental health and try to be kind to others, lead by example and stay classy.

Was the child even with her that day, if she's going through a divorce was the child with her dad, does she think her daughter went?

OK and? The sun will still come up tomorrow, you really seem obsessed