No show at party

[Iwishicouldflyhigh]

So i had a party for my 9 year old daughter last week - it was low key, in the garden and about 7 children invited, we had a bouncy castle/hot dogs etc, so not hugely expensive.

Everyone confirmed they could come, i sent a few WhatsApp messages prior to remind people to bring swim stuff etc, message read by all.

One girl just didn't come - we waited for her to begin the party and then cracked on.

No apology from the mum either before or after, it's just so rude and i'm really tempted to send her a message calling her out (in a respectful way - ie it would have been appreciated if you'd let me know yada yada).

Through the grapevine, i know she's having a tough time with a divorce which is making me hold back - i don't want to add to her grief, however i also think that sending a quick message beforehand isn't too much to ask.

I sent a message after the party thanking people for coming, and still no message from her (she's read my message).

It's mainly her daughter i feel sad for as she was really excited about coming.

I'm not particularly fond of this mum, she's one of those who posts cryptic messages on Facebook - 'just arrived at A and E' and then doesn't elaborate on why, but feeds on all the sympathy messages - so it wouldn't be a loss to me if she she takes my message to her in the wrong way.

AIBU to send her a polite message asking her why she didn't let me know her daughter wasn't coming, or should i just leave it?
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Thanks

UPDATE:

I emailed the mother and asked her if everything was ok and she said that as the weather was fine, they decided to go out for the day.

She did apologise as well.

Thank you to everyone for their messages xx

Wow! Yep she’s rude alright. I thought she was going to say something like oh something came up and apologise to you, but she’s been really matter of fact with her reason hasn’t she? “The weather was nice so we went out for the day”…

What did you say in response?

She did apologise as well to be fair to her, i just sent her back a 'x'.

It happens. Don't embarrass her. Many many years ago I took my toddler DS to a birthday party in a hall with a bouncy castle. He was the only child who turned up. That was awful.

Ok. But still apology or no apology, a better offer came up and she ditched the party idea and went ahead with that instead, and without telling you. So probably a bit of a sorry not sorry type of thing.

Anyway, I wouldn’t confront her or anything now. At least you know though now why she didn’t bother coming.

Exactly, even if she'd said something that morning, that would have been ok (and if it were me, i'd have dropped around a present, but there you go).

What these threads show is that so many people have different ideas to what is ok and what is not, it's quite fascinating.

I remember actually forgetting about a party invitation once, and the mother was annoyed and confronted me, saying they had waited on me and got a knock on delay at the venue. I had not sent an RSVP and I just said I did not receive an invitation sorry (paper one in book bag). I said it on the spot but it was a lie. She was hostile after that, but ultimately I just forgot and there was no excuse.

You say she's having a tough time and you want to call her out on this? She probably has had daggers from her own child already.
Though I've never missed a party, I have had people who completely forgot, and I did once get tickets for us to see my DD's best friend in a show she was in (they were about ten and this was her year end production of her theatre/dance troupe). I even talked to my DD about it the day before about when we needed to leave. Then the day came and it went completely out of my head til I saw a post from her mother on FB about how proud she was. OMG I was so embarrassed and my DD was so upset.
So cut this woman a break. She may well have decided that morning she couldn't be bothered - there are people who don't care about disappointing their kids or upsetting others - but she may well have another reason that she can't share with you.
It would be kinder to say 'we missed Mary at the party yesterday and hope all is well'. Then leave it.

Well thats an outright snub if you ever there was one.

Move on, these little things happen.

You're a better woman that I am.

I wouldn't be inviting again and that would be her mother's rude behaviour that caused it, not yours.

I wouldn't send her a message and I wouldn't be in a rush to greet her either when I saw her. Imagine all the parents did this and no one showed up. It's so rude and I don't have time for that BS.

Glad your DD had a good time nevertheless.

Wow!!! Actually her silence was better...

Indeed!!! There are some people i know or friends, where not showing up would be so out of character, i'd be concerned and that would be my primary thought - concern for them, and i'd be on the phone, knocking at their door (not because they didn't come to the party but due to concern as it why they weren't there), but i'm not surprised with this mum and i guess that's why i was irritated.

I'm over it now!

She's such a dick.

hmm....yet I would bet a fair amount that people's ideas of what is okay and what isn't might suddenly change if they were the other side of the scenario...

Somehow I doubt all the people saying 'ah let it go' 'it's just a kids party' etc would be as blase if it was their kid crying because nobody turned up to their party.

Or would be the ones complaining if people just didn't turn up to their wedding because it was a nice day and they fancied going out, etc.

Something tells me that if all the attendees at rude!mum's own dd's party didn't bother turning up or contacting her she'd have something to say...

Well yes, i totally agree.
Forgetting is understandable - but not apologising after is not ok.

And not coming (and letting me know) as they fancied a day out in the sun is definitely not ok. They could at least have made up a semi plausible excuse!!!

Wow do.people really get upset a out this and then try and complicated it further by trying to.pull.people up on.it

What on earth are you gling to achieve by messaging her. What will you do if she dosent message, message again, then what.

It's not your place to do this. Just think.of the children who did come and enjoy it. Just don't invite her again. Move on

I'm amazed at people getting so irate they want to.message people
Chill.out.

What if what she has told you is a lie, because the truth is none of your business? I honestly think it's really odd to follow up on kids party attendance, chasing an apology from someone you know is dealing with a lot. What was the point?

Exactly, an invitation is an.invitation not a summons. They don't have to come.

So then don't accept? Or let people know if you aren't going to go? Or apologies after if you forget?

Do you honestly and truly accept invitations to party and then not bother going or apologiesing after?

Of course people don't have to come, but if they have accepted an invitation, then yes actually, i do expect them to come (or let me know prior if they don't or apologise after if they forget or whatever).

It's really bad form to accept and then not to just turn up, i am astonished that you don't think so.

And especially in this case as it was because she fancied a day out in the sun (again), if she'd emailed in the morning to say they couldn't make it, fair enough.

If it's mainly her daughter you feel sorry for then why would you add to her mum's burden by messaging her? How does that help her daughter at all?

It doesn't. It also doesn't really help you at all because the party's done. Which means it would just be sent to make her feel bad = pointless.

Wow. That really is rude. Pulling out just because they fancied something else was not OK. Not letting you know was even worse.

Let it go. She has troubles enough at the moment.
Yes she was very inconsiderate not to let you know she wasn't coming but her mind will be full of divorce and all the things she has to do about that. She has quite possibly forgotten about the party or got the date mixed up.
Let it go.

OP has posted an update to say the rude bastard decided to do something else with her day because the weather was nice...