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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make a birthday cake and not cut it

207 replies

Miaowm · 01/09/2024 19:12

I want to make my daughter’s birthday cake as I do every year. This is the first year she will
be having a party with friends and family at a venue. I wanted to take the cake for singing and then hand out matching cupcakes. Is this out of order?
A couple of reasons for this, not really anywhere suitable to cut the cake at the venue and I really don’t want a cake I’ve spent ages on to be crushed in a party bag then thrown away

OP posts:
Goldbar · 02/09/2024 08:42

TheYearOfSmallThings · 01/09/2024 22:55

I remain entirely unconvinced that cutting a birthday cake into slices is difficult or dangerous.

Show quote history

Probably not in most cases 😂.

My DC likes to cut their own cake with a huge amount of flourish and ceremony and a massive knife. Their closest friends (or at least the friends of the moment) crowd round and DC1 bountifully promises them the various bits of the cake which take their fancy. I console those who end up on the edge of the crowd and promise that I'll protect their interests when slicing the rest of the cake and apportioning refined sugar. It could be quite dangerous but DH and I hover with a hand on DC's arm to make sure the knife stays on target. After cutting a couple of rows, DC gets bored and wants their own piece of cake, but I insist that as host DC stays and hand out cake to all attendees before they can have their own. We take requests seriously and a sort of horse-trading goes on to make sure everyone is happy - "You can't have that star because Freddie is having it but would you boys like to share the big flag instead?"

We cut and serve the cake at the party and it is A BIG DEAL.

OldTinHat · 02/09/2024 08:44

It's a cake! It's made to be cut, sliced, eaten and devoured!

Make two cakes if it's that precious.

Moonshine5 · 02/09/2024 08:51

Only on Mumsnet, birthday cake is for show and not for actual guests to eat. And that's considered normal, while the rest of us here on Planet Earth are scratching our heads!

Thepartnersdesk · 02/09/2024 19:50

There's a difference between not handing it out to be eaten as part of the party and not choosing to have a squashed mess in a party bag.

If it's something like a soft play party I've never been offered cake there as the expectation is only to feed the kids.

By the time the cake is brought out the kids are high on ice cream and slushies and are more interested in bouncing off the walls.

The variation in answers probably reflect what people have in mind when you say party.

HowAmITheCatsGranny · 02/09/2024 21:39

If it had tiers, you could take the decorative top tier home and serve / give in the party bags the plain bottom tier? That might work as a compromise?

Edingril · 02/09/2024 22:30

Moonshine5 · 02/09/2024 08:51

Only on Mumsnet, birthday cake is for show and not for actual guests to eat. And that's considered normal, while the rest of us here on Planet Earth are scratching our heads!

Yeah I don't get it

mylifestory · 02/09/2024 22:38

I've seen parents do this with allsorts of cakes, big, small, fancy, not fancy. Then not give the kids any cake. It's so odd! U can get a big great cake from tesco for @£15, tart it up ans it looks fabulous, I've had random ppl not in our party compliment it. I always give out cake at the party and offer any to take home. Got a fancy expensive cake last year, looked amazing bt didn't taste all that.

Yazzi · 02/09/2024 22:45

it's cringe

Hoppinggreen · 03/09/2024 09:21

It is a bit performative
Look at the fabulous cake I made!!!!!
Oh no, its not for actually eating (at least not by you lot)

NarnianQueen · 03/09/2024 10:24

OnlyWhenILaugh · 01/09/2024 19:21

If the cake is to be eaten at a different time I think it should be kept for that different time. Otherwise it seems like you want to show off the cake to the party guests who aren't good enough to eat it.

This

Goodtogossip · 03/09/2024 14:36

What's the point of making the cake if you're not sharing it out with your child's friends at the party. I thought that was the idea of having a birthday cake. Who'll be eating it if not the party guests? I feel it's a bit 'showy' to take it, let everyone admire it but not cut into it & hand it out. You don't need to wrap it & give it at the end of the party. Give it out after the candles have been blown out & the singing of 'Happy Birthday' has stopped.

jazzyBBBB · 03/09/2024 14:48

I do this and I'm not afraid to admit it despite the objections here!
My kids always leave the cake in the bag to get mouldy, turns out so do a lot of their friends! So I would rather eat it myself! Kids don't know the difference anyway if they even unwrap it. I eat the nice cake with family and give something else out in party bags.

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 03/09/2024 14:58

I make cakes for a living. Plenty of people have a ‘stunt’ cake for show and then it can be used for the party and the actual birthday. Usually we’d make a tray bake in similar coloured icing to give out so it’s exactly the same cake (nothing to do with guests “not being good enough for the real cake - it’s the same exact cake just easier to cut if it’s a tray bake!).

I’ve done cupcakes to give out before and customers have said they had complaints from party guests that they didn’t get “a piece of cake” despite getting a cake with its own little decoration in an individual bag, which is going to look nicer and travel better than a slice of squishy cake!

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 03/09/2024 15:01

HowAmITheCatsGranny · 02/09/2024 21:39

If it had tiers, you could take the decorative top tier home and serve / give in the party bags the plain bottom tier? That might work as a compromise?

I do this sometimes too. A plainer bottom tier that’s easier to cut for lots of guests and a fancier to top tier to take home and have with family on its own.

I don’t get why people on here are so baffled at the idea that some kids have a party on a different day to their birthday, or that they might celebrate with their school/nursery friends at a noisy soft play place and have a family party with grandparents and aunties etc.

Sleepersausage · 03/09/2024 16:07

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 03/09/2024 15:01

I do this sometimes too. A plainer bottom tier that’s easier to cut for lots of guests and a fancier to top tier to take home and have with family on its own.

I don’t get why people on here are so baffled at the idea that some kids have a party on a different day to their birthday, or that they might celebrate with their school/nursery friends at a noisy soft play place and have a family party with grandparents and aunties etc.

Show quote history

Then have a cake for the party then cake for bday at home? What op is talking about is showing off the fancy cake at the party then whisking it away and giving the guests something else, which is weird

DappledThings · 03/09/2024 16:44

I don’t get why people on here are so baffled at the idea that some kids have a party on a different day to their birthday, or that they might celebrate with their school/nursery friends at a noisy soft play place and have a family party with grandparents and aunties etc.
I'm not baffled by that, that's what mine have done. I'm just not precious enough about my cakes to think they have to be preserved for family but shown off to the adoring public at the first event. It's ridiculous

Arrivapercy · 03/09/2024 16:47

I hate the idea of bringing a cake "for show" or basically for photos if its not going to be shared.

If you pop a napkin over the cake slice to put it in the bag it survives fine. Most children are grabbing it straight from the bag to eat on the way out!

Arrivapercy · 03/09/2024 16:49

What op is talking about is showing off the fancy cake at the party then whisking it away and giving the guests something else, which is weird

Its this. If you think the fancy cake is impractical - do cupcakes or biscuits. The weird bit is doing the large cake to show it off.

OnlyWhenILaugh · 03/09/2024 16:54

I don’t get why people on here are so baffled at the idea that some kids have a party on a different day to their birthday, or that they might celebrate with their school/nursery friends at a noisy soft play place and have a family party with grandparents and aunties etc.
Absolutely no-one is "baffled" by more than one celebration @SnowflakeSmasher86 !

The issue is bringing a fancy cake to celebration #1 just for show then taking it away to be eaten at celebration #2.

kittyycatt · 03/09/2024 23:31

I did this! My friend made an amazing cake and cupcakes for my son. We gave the cupcakes out in the individual cupcake boxes which was so much easier!

Twittens · 05/09/2024 18:04

This is what I do for all of my children’s parties… I make themed cake of their choice, take it, have candles and the children sing. I also make themed cupcakes to match the cake, which are as beautifully decorated, and individually boxed before we get to the party… that way I can be fully present throughout the party. The main cake then comes home for our family party, so no wastage… and no trying to hastily cut up and wrap cake to stuff into party bags… it literally breaks me when we attend parties and people wrap cake in napkins or kitchen roll… transforming a beautifully moist piece of iced cake into something resembling old cardboard and mush by the time it gets home…

Boomer55 · 05/09/2024 18:10

Cakes are made to be eaten. 🤷‍♀️

GreenTeaLikesMe · 06/09/2024 08:10

I think having a second cake just for the family is fine and normal, but bringing such a cake to the party and showing it before putting it back in the box looks so rude to me. "You're not good enough to eat the main cake, but I still want your compliments on my fondant skills." We usually have two cakes (one on the day itself, one for the party) but we certainly don't show people cakes that we have no intention of serving to them.

GreenTeaLikesMe · 06/09/2024 08:11

Also, at our parties, we eat the cake at the party! I don't really understand the UK thing of taking the cake home in serviettes; I don't mean it's rude (it isn't), but I think it's nicer to eat the cake at the party.

Original poster
Miaowm · 13/09/2024 17:49

I am taking a cake which will be themed buy in no way large enough to feed all the kids. It will be shared by the family that come back with us after. The children won’t know and the adults will have other refreshments to enjoy.
The cake is also an allergy cake so may not be enjoyed by everyone

OP posts: