Would you go nc with your parents for this

[giantcolouringbook]

I am 23(f) and work f/t my company have been offering compresses hours which I have happily accepted bearing in mind I get paid the same and do the same hours but an extra day off plus weekends.
I excitedly told my parents this and they are furious saying that I should have discussed it with them first as it affects them too.
They've also said if I'm going to be home an extra day of in the week I need to do something with it and not just hang around the house.
My dad is retired and spends every day hanging around the house doing nothing.
Aibu to think a) this has nothing to do with them and b) I shouldn't be told to go out and do something when I am looking forward to an extra down day at home doing exactly what my dad does?
I am of course looking to move out asap but would you think there was any coming back from this or should I just move on never look back.

They didn't say they don't want to spend time with her. Literally just that she should find something to do with her extra day off. It's perfectly normal for adults to want space from other adults. They see her every morning, every evening and every weekend. I'm not sure on what planet that isn't spending time together. I don't even see my husband that much.

You probably need to move out before you go no contact….

I'm not in touch with my family either, but it's not over something as trivial as them wanting to give up that one day of week-free peace which they've been enjoying up to now in their retirement. They haven't said they don't want to spend time with her - they put her up (put up with her?) for the rest of the week when they don't have any obligation to.

To think of going nc over this and writing to Mumsnet about it, she seems like quite a volatile person and probably quite difficult to live with. I'd say on the evidence provided here she's lucky they let her stay with them at all. You're right, the kindest thing probably would be for her to grow up, leave the nest and find her own way in the world. My only question is: what's took her so long?

@Pupinskipops did you miss the part where op also said they never want to spend family time with her?

@Fluufer op said in one of her posts she has given up doing family stuff together as they never want to do anything with her.

So? Grown ups don't usually do loads of "family stuff" with their parents do they? Maybe the odd day out when they visit each other. "Family time" is for kids. They see each other daily, what more does she want?

Ha, I thought definitely an extreme reaction from him!

They want to spend their time together and not with you hanging around them. Dad can do what he likes in his own home, especially as he's retired. Going nc sounds petty, self indigent and spoiled. You need to grow up.

I dunno, maybe they don't want to do the things a 23-year old wants to do? She heartily disapproves of her father watching TV and gardening...

But they've given her a roof over her head. That's actually living together!

I get the impression she thinks they should still be taking her swimming on a Saturday morning. That kind of "family time"

This.

You are being unreasonable.
Lots of posts on here with very good advice -move out, gain some responsibility and then work on the relationship. Yet it seems you're only hearing what you want to.
There's a difference between always having a place at home and having your adult child who is acting like a stroppy teenager.
I understand there are extreme circumstances when people go no contact with their families, it must be very painful, this is not what this situation is.
As someone who's lost both of their parents, I would give almost anything to hear their voices again, even if it was during one our of worst arguments.
Unless there is a lot more to the story that hasnt been said, You are the problem here.

@Pupinskipops @Fluufer of course you could be right but the way i read her posts maybe because it seems they resent her being in the house an extra day the only interaction they want is a good morning or hello if they happen to pass in the house and eat separate meals expecting op to remain out their way etc

Why would you think that? OP hasn't said anything like that. Her only real grievance is that they asked her to do something with her day off. Something wishy washy about family time that could mean anything.

No one is attacking 'homebodies' ffs.

I'm disabled and rarely leave the house. Difference is its my space that I pay for private use off not someone else home I make demands on.

Your not a parent... which tells us everything.

Imagine talking completely out your ass so confidently about something you have zero life experience of and doesn't apply to you.

Parenting is 24/7 every day for 16 years. Its the hardest job you will ever have, its shake the very core of who you are and you lose all identity, autonomy and self care for long periods of time. Studies have show it has devastating life long effects both physically and mentally changing bones and brain function etc... People develop such bad depression (which isn't even rare) that they can end up killing themselves or having complete breakdowns (which they sometimes never recover from).

At 23 they have done MORE than enough. They do not need to spend 24/7 wiping the arse of an ungrateful able bodied adult who doesn't see why they should respect their parents as people.

They aren't stopping being parents they just want an adult to be an adult. If OP phoned her parents at 1am from her OWN place and said she was scared/in pain/had been attack/was going to hospital etc... I bet they would drop everything to rush over. Thats the kind of parenting you get in adulthood not spending everyday having to come up with a plan to entertain them like they are a fucking toddler (and doing their basic life admin because OP had deliberate refused to answer if she does ANY chores at all).

It does not on any planet mean they are bad parents to want to be people again, they are not ditching duties or didn't want kids... it means they unfortunately got a selfish brat of a kid who is a abusive manipulative user with contempt for their generosity.

Also 18-23 is OP whole life, its her whole life so far which is all we can know as a fact on how long her life will be.

Its absoloutly mooching in both senses.

Mooch - to wander listlessly without purpose.

Mooch - to obtain without paying (OP is NOT paying her fair share of bills/food because there would be no benefit to her living there and she could/would have move out right now , she is also not paying for her parents services like cleaning and cooking either)

Literally the whole point of her living at home was so she could save up, if she was actually paying her way then that would make zero sense. The 'rent' live at home kids pay is equivalent to when deadbeat dads pat £8.60 a week in child maintenance and then moan they 'pay their way' like they are victims (exactly what OP thinks she is).

@Fluufer i guess it depends on what you read as family time. to me maybe because it is the way my family is sharing a meal and watching some tv together in the evening is family time too as well as going out. so when she said they refuse to spend family time it reads as they want to spend no time at all with her

The OP doesn't approve of her father watching TV, so my guess is that that's not her idea of family time.

Hahaha 👏👏👏

@Pupinskipops i think that comment was in response to her parents essentially telling her that her presence is undesired and to make sure she vacates the house on her extra day off

Again though, do adults have "family time" on a routine basis? It's not really something I recognise from my own family, or any one else I know. Adult relationships tend to be more parallel lives. I would certainly not be impressed if my adult DC complained that I don't watch Tv with them often enough. Parenting is not signing up to a lifetime of amusing capable adults.

@Firefly1987

it will be partaaaaay time for OP’s parents! 🍾
No more demands on them for “family time”

The issue isn't that OP is a homebody.

The issue is that she thinks it's acceptable to spend all her free time at her parents' house at 23 years of age, and doesn't "approve" of how her retired dad chooses to spend his time.

At 23, you really have two choices - move out and stand on your own two feet, or accept that staying at home as an adult means you don't get your independence because you're still relying on your parents.

... or is she having a stroppy sulk and speaking in extremes? I think she might be. Her parents have said they want their one weekday to themselves, and she's translated that as they never want to see her again.