Page 20 | Would you go nc with your parents for this

Original poster

giantcolouringbook · 02/09/2024 21:58

Investinmyself · 02/09/2024 20:31

There’s another thread today with a mum with a 24 yr old lad at home 4 days at a stretch and finding it suffocating. Maybe look at that to see from other side.

Yes I found it, I see lots of replies to his mum saying she can't make him go out of his own home as it's his house too and he's older than me but it's different for men.
Also that the parents should go in their bedroom if they want privacy.

OP posts:

Facescar77 · 02/09/2024 22:05

giantcolouringbook · 01/09/2024 20:52

I have read many other threads on here about how peoples kids will always have a home with them and how their home is their home, being a parent doesn't end at 18 etc but I suppose that's only if they like them then otherwise they can push off and stop burdening themselves with their presence.
I also get the retirement point but I didn't get a say in how old they were when they chose to have me so I think it's unfair to say I should not get any support as a young adult because they want to enjoy their retirement when other people live at home and don't get treated this way by their family.

Op I get it, I don't have great parents either, I think most people find it hard to empathise because they have great relationships with their's. But there's nothing more hurtful than feeling unloved and unwanted by the people who should love you unconditionally. I think so move out and go LC/NC as the longer you let it go on, the more damage is done to your own mental health. Do things on your terms.

Investinmyself · 02/09/2024 22:11

giantcolouringbook · 02/09/2024 21:58

Yes I found it, I see lots of replies to his mum saying she can't make him go out of his own home as it's his house too and he's older than me but it's different for men.
Also that the parents should go in their bedroom if they want privacy.

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Most of comments are he needs to move out.
Did you see where he had interrupted a date night meal repeatedly?

PassingStranger · 02/09/2024 22:11

Can you imagine if everyone went no contact with anyone that said something they didn't like? 😜

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/09/2024 22:14

Investinmyself · 02/09/2024 22:11

Most of comments are he needs to move out.
Did you see where he had interrupted a date night meal repeatedly?

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@giantcolouringbook

This OP! ⬆️ Do you think that’s fair on his parents?

AmateurDad · 02/09/2024 22:14

giantcolouringbook · 01/09/2024 10:11

I am 23(f) and work f/t my company have been offering compresses hours which I have happily accepted bearing in mind I get paid the same and do the same hours but an extra day off plus weekends.
I excitedly told my parents this and they are furious saying that I should have discussed it with them first as it affects them too.
They've also said if I'm going to be home an extra day of in the week I need to do something with it and not just hang around the house.
My dad is retired and spends every day hanging around the house doing nothing.
Aibu to think a) this has nothing to do with them and b) I shouldn't be told to go out and do something when I am looking forward to an extra down day at home doing exactly what my dad does?
I am of course looking to move out asap but would you think there was any coming back from this or should I just move on never look back.

What does “go nc” mean…?!?

Bigsigh24 · 02/09/2024 22:15

You're not a child, you’re their adult daughter and us parents love our DS and DD ‘s but also like time alone and this sometimes means quietness at home doing boring shit as much as possible!

Doingtheboxerbeat · 02/09/2024 22:16

giantcolouringbook · 02/09/2024 21:58

Yes I found it, I see lots of replies to his mum saying she can't make him go out of his own home as it's his house too and he's older than me but it's different for men.
Also that the parents should go in their bedroom if they want privacy.

Show quote history

MN can be such a funny place with how a thread will go one way and then a similar thread 2 days later will go the other.
I think that people start off with a certain perspective on the first thread, then become more informed by the next thread - that's just my opinion though.

exprecis · 02/09/2024 22:19

Doingtheboxerbeat · 02/09/2024 22:16

MN can be such a funny place with how a thread will go one way and then a similar thread 2 days later will go the other.
I think that people start off with a certain perspective on the first thread, then become more informed by the next thread - that's just my opinion though.

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I think the other thread is pretty similar in this case though

If anything people have been more harsh about the 24 year old than about the OP. A lot of commentary about how he is weird and abnormal

redskydarknight · 02/09/2024 22:19

AmateurDad · 02/09/2024 22:14

What does “go nc” mean…?!?

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Going no contact.

Typically adult children go no contact with parents due to abuse - whether physical or emotional.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 02/09/2024 22:24

exprecis · 02/09/2024 22:19

I think the other thread is pretty similar in this case though

If anything people have been more harsh about the 24 year old than about the OP. A lot of commentary about how he is weird and abnormal

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Oh ok, I didn't read that one admittedly.

ChocolateTurtle · 02/09/2024 22:48

OP, I think this is an incredibly hurtful thing to go through. You're right many parents, including myself, would be more than happy to have their adult kids at home. It's your home too and you have just as much right to be there as they do. It's not as easy for young people to live independently as it used to be. I hope you are able to move out soon as it sounds like a difficult situation to be in.
I imagine your thoughts of cutting them off stem from feeling so hurt by their behaviour. Unless there are other issues I would be slow to cut off a parent, it is a huge thing to do and many (even very hurtful) disagreements can be resolved over time.
Do you have anyone you can talk to in real life - a friend, relative or counsellor?
Wishing you all the best 🫂💜

Investinmyself · 02/09/2024 22:50

Yes the other thread is same as this one except a very few comments. It’s interesting this Op has only picked up on those. The son in the other thread sounds like he may be neurodiverse.

Ophy83 · 02/09/2024 23:04

My uncle and aunt apparently enjoy naked cocktail hour now their kids are grown and out the house. Perhaps your parents are similar!

Bowies · 03/09/2024 01:11

giantcolouringbook · 02/09/2024 21:58

Yes I found it, I see lots of replies to his mum saying she can't make him go out of his own home as it's his house too and he's older than me but it's different for men.
Also that the parents should go in their bedroom if they want privacy.

Show quote history

OP are you really this hard headed?

Who cares your gender, it’s time to move out (at least 2 years ago)

You are in some kind of reverse development now, it’s doing you absolutely no good. Your posts reinforce that.

Your DP have been extremely tolerant but you are honestly putting the fear of god into some on here with young DC.

I think the PP who mentioned 16 year olds is doing most of them a disservice as IME most are more independent and mature.

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 03/09/2024 01:19

I love my DC very much but I have to say I like having some peace when they are at school. Now that DS is in 6th year he's at home a lot more and he's bugging me. 😂

Your parents reaction was a bit OTT but cutting them off for it? Grow up.

SheSaidHummingbird · 03/09/2024 01:26

I think I know what your parents do while you're out at work. Bloody good for them.

Geppili · 03/09/2024 01:34

Yes. Move out immediately and cut them off forever and dance on their graves when they die.

JMSA · 03/09/2024 01:36

What the heck?! No, I definitely wouldn't go non contact for this, not unless there's a whole history of bad treatment. But not for this alone. Grow up!

Dotcomma · 03/09/2024 01:40

What is your relationship like with your mum day to day, and with your dad - do you feel like you're in the way or do you feel just the same as you always have - albeit your age has obviously changed as has theirs.

I can remember being 21 and leaving home - I got fed up of being told what to do & when to do it by my mum so off I went. Never thought anything of it. However years later now I'm the mum & DD is heading for 20 I'll be really sad when she leaves home, she drives us nuts sometimes but this is her home and we all regularly adjust to each other - I would never want her to feel how I did - like she was an inconvenience and should do as she's told - she's a young adult finding her feet and no reaching 18 doesn't mean you're on your own - it's far too young in today's society.

Delphiniumandlupins · 03/09/2024 01:42

Well your parents don't dislike you too much as they're still letting you live with them, although you sound a bit whiny tbh. Are you contributing fully to the costs of the home and the housework? Maybe your dad likes to sit around the house in his underwear. Maybe you tut disapprovingly at his viewing habits. Maybe they are worried that you don't have many friends or hobbies and an independent life.

HiHo2024 · 03/09/2024 02:06

TheClawDecides · 01/09/2024 10:14

How would going NC work when you live in their house?

Bit extreme from both them and you really, unless there's a backstory.

Good point 😂

PeloMom · 03/09/2024 02:09

Well they have looked forward to retirement and having the house to themselves. Now they have the house for a day less to themselves. Sounds like you’ve overstated your welcome.

TheMamaLife · 03/09/2024 03:04

Mabs49 · 02/09/2024 20:56

You Dad is allowed to sit around all day because he's worked his whole life, provided for you and is now retired.

You're 23. You're just starting out.

They are probably worried about your work ethic. They may not understand.

And also, they may wish to have the house to themselves a bit more. To some extent, they've done their time with you, they were once a couple before you arrived, perhaps they just want a bit of time to be by themselves. It's been 23 years now.

it's not that they don't love you, but we all need time and space.

Not having had children, you couldn't begin to understand the impact that having a child has on a relationship. Many parents split in the first year of a child's life and you're one of the lucky ones because over 50% of marriages end in divorce.

Just give them some space. And yes, they'd probably like to think at some point, you're going to move out and get a place of your own so they can finally have that feeling of complete freedom.

I love my children very very much and I don't want them to ever move out but I also know in my heart that they need to find their own way and become independent, fully independent of me, too. And yes, it is nice to feel that you've got them sorted, in a relationship, settled with a place to live, maybe a family of their own...working a job that fulfils them hopefully.

Remember they do care, I'm sure they do but they are parents and they just worry about all the things I've listed.

this Is such a lovely, well thought out, response to OP.

cheesecak · 03/09/2024 05:05

I wouldn't go no contact for this per se however....
I am no contact with my father who was physically and emotionally abusive and a control freak. As a teen/young adult I wasn't aloud out and if I was it was the 2 courses at sixth form in the day, the evening courses and ofc the two waitressing jobs he had arranged for me with any free evenings /weekends. I was drowning. We wasn't aloud to have down time. So if there's more to it absolutely.

I would look for somewhere else to live if you can but if it's just this I wouldn't go no contact.