Would you go nc with your parents for this

[giantcolouringbook]

I am 23(f) and work f/t my company have been offering compresses hours which I have happily accepted bearing in mind I get paid the same and do the same hours but an extra day off plus weekends.
I excitedly told my parents this and they are furious saying that I should have discussed it with them first as it affects them too.
They've also said if I'm going to be home an extra day of in the week I need to do something with it and not just hang around the house.
My dad is retired and spends every day hanging around the house doing nothing.
Aibu to think a) this has nothing to do with them and b) I shouldn't be told to go out and do something when I am looking forward to an extra down day at home doing exactly what my dad does?
I am of course looking to move out asap but would you think there was any coming back from this or should I just move on never look back.

@Cel119

In an Asian family, her parents would have said "great, here's your list of chores for the extra day" ..

But they're not threatening to kick her out and to do so would be awful on them. They are asking her to work more! Full time hours are that for a reason.

Why would it be awful of them? Follow their rules or live somewhere else is perfectly reasonable.
They actually just told her "to do something with it". She doesn't have to work. She could take up a hobby.

They haven’t asked her to move out.
Op’s comment about other thread - the parents should go to their bedroom if they want privacy shows a complete lack of awareness about adult relationships (that mum just wanted a nice meal with her husband as a date night without 24 year old constantly interrupting)
I love my adult dc and enjoy spending time with her, we still holiday together etc but you do also want to spend time with your husband as a couple.

They haven’t even said work more just do something other than sit at home and work. She’s 23. Sounds like they are trying to give her a shove to independence and Op is resistant and still viewing herself as a child.

OP framed this as a "should I go NC?" question.

To me, it's a binary question

1. Is this a "last straw" type scenario, where the parents have always been emotionally unavailable and OP has tried repeatedly over the years (probably from early childhood) to get their approval and try to form a better relationship (which may be why she is so keen on family activities), but is constantly met with negativity?
2. Is this a one off and OP has had a great childhood, parents are normally supportive and helpful, and she's simply shocked that for the first time they have suggested that they might not want to bend over backwards to accommodate her every whim?

One is a possible NC (though I'd probably start with other strategies first, if not already tried) situation. The other is a sign of immaturity.

Being there when an adult child NEEDS you and being responsible 24/7 for an adult who refuses to grow up is wildly different.

No one who expects able adult children to act like adults is 'less of a parent', it the bare minimum basic you should expect if you raised your kids right.

It really weird how proud some people are of claiming to raise entitled mooching brats with no respect for their parents time or space if they think OPs behavior is remotely acceptable let alone 'expected'.

Her parents didn't mention ANYTHING about her working, they just don't what her in their space unexpected and uninvited which she just dropped on them without even asking.

Nothing in the thread is about work.

No one asked her to work more.

She said she has nothing to do and wants to save up money so people said she COULD get an extra job but its nothing to do with her situation just a suggestion as she has literally nothing to do but cannot be in the house (which is not in any way 'hers').

From some one that was kicked out at 16 i think your over reacting, parents get their life back when children are older, they happily potter about doing their own thing while your out, a third party always upsets the equilibrium no matter where or who that is, i think its time you moved out and stood on own two feet to be honest. They are not being horrible just used to their own and your routine.

I'm utterly baffled that your first thought is to go no contact. Why? Seems very very extreme.

Time you had your own place! Use your extra day to start looking for a flat/flat share whatever you can afford. I wouldn't even dream of going' no contact ' for such a triviality. I think you could regret that move. Good luck to you.

But they're not threatening to kick her out and to do so would be awful on them. They are asking her to work more! Full time hours are that for a reason.

Why would it be awful to expect a 23 year old to stand on their own two feet?

They're also not asking her to work more, they just don't want her hanging round the house doing nothing all day long, which is perfectly reasonable. If OP wants to spend all her time at home, she can move out and fund it herself.

As for your comment about Asian families - generally the women do everything around the house and then they marry and do everything for their in-laws. It's not exactly something to aspire to IMO. They certainly wouldn't allow their daughter to sit around at home doing nothing all day!

Having read your update, you are only seeing what you want to see
You are your parents child but you are not a child anymore.
You are depending on them to provide you with a social life too, which is absolutely not the norm, unless there are additional needs.
I suspect they're concerned about " failure to launch" rather than you sharing a roof.
Don't you ever think" At 23, there must be more than this( I have a 23 year old DS)

The OP is probably in shock at the responses. Anyway, she isn’t coming back!

Hi op,

they were maybe a little insensitive but now you know. Move out:)
Come and visit and let them rest. Don’t go nc, it is wild as reaction even if I understand you are obviously hurt.

🌺

You have over reacted (go no contact over something like this!🙄). They have over reacted ( furious and laying down the law (🙄)..

For goodness just sit down and discuss each others needs like adults (instead of like kids in a playground) and all be willing to compromise. And think about moving out to give you and them space as and when you can!!

How did we jump from your father not wanting you hanging round the house during the day in the working week, to you saying you are not welcome in the evenings and shouldn’t have to go out wandering the streets?

This. My mother is utterly toxic and has said horrific things to me in the past. You need to move out and grow up.

In what way would she regret it if she had her own place? If parents are not prepared to help out their kids once they're adults then it's no loss. They are not friends an adult son/daughter chooses to spend their time with (especially if they don't want OP around either!). Her parents will end up regretting it more like when she's not in any rush to come back and care for them when they're old.

Helping adult kids out does not need to equal spending 3 days a week entertaining them. My God. She has not been kicked out, she has not been forced into working all hours, she has not been disowned. Going NC rather than finding a hobby to fill a day is just cutting her nose off to spite her face.

Exactly! Going no contact over his is beyond belief

@Madamum18 i guess it does depend on if it is a case of the parents literally wanting to spend absolutely no time at all with OP in which case she might rightly feel unloved or cared about.

NC is very extreme but maybe LC and leave the contact up to the parents to see just how much contact they want on their end.

I dont get the impression it is that with the parents but I take your point.

I do think they all need to stop huffing and puffing and sit down and have sensible conversations about each other's needs and come to some compromises

Toxic manipulation... OPs parents have gone above, beyond and sacrificed for 23 fucking years and still are.

How dare they have the audacity to suggest she should ASK about using the shared space (that they KINDLY allow her to use) on what is established as their time but hey if you can't mooch FOREVER then don't forget to jump straight to the threat of the 'care home'... that'll teach them.

It'll teach OP more when that lovely home/inheritance money she needs to buy herself that cushy home she wants (that is so clearly the only thing she cares about/wants/feels entitled too) doesn't go to her and she has to keep grifting forever to rent or find herself someone new to mooch off (obviously hard since shes too lazy to leave the house and socialize ever).

I am a parent of a 20 year old and I think from our point of view , my husband and I used to use the time when she was at work for romantic purposes , I know gross and too much info but it could just be simply that.
Like they get the house to themselves and then they don't.
I do think they should have said it in a nice way .
Do you help in the house ? Cooking / cleaning etc .

People can go NC with parents for any reason they like. Plenty have on here and seem to be doing just fine. 23 years is nothing these days when it comes to still living at home-most loving parents are facilitating that. If they don't want to then like I said, no loss for either side. How is it manipulation when everyone's saying she should move out anyway-it's more like "ok you consider your parenting done, and I'm an adult so should stand on my own two feet and never ask you for help so take care and have a nice life" what else is there to say? Is she supposed to be guilted into spending time with them (but never at their house ofc) because newsflash, parents aren't friends. I'm not quite sure what parents expect of their adult kids.