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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is too early for a house guest to get up?

404 replies

morningbbrew · 31/08/2024 20:59

My husband's sister and her husband are staying over for the weekend. They don't have children we have two young teens but they are both at friends this weekend.

DBIL has just gone to bed and cheerily announced as he did that he would be going out for a run at 6.00am and would bring a key (they have a spare as they house sit sometimes). Plus he casually mentioned something about making a smoothie beforehand so it actually sounds like he's getting up at more like 5.30am.

Neither DH or I are confrontational and so we both just sort of sat there shocked. But I am just not sure what to say. Our house isn't tiny but equally I am pretty sure all his getting ready etc is going to mean we wake up. And weekend lie ins are rare with two kids and associated activities!

I mean I guess he could be joking but he's not really that kind of person. His wife (DH sister) is normally quite sensible and she didn't seem at all embarrassed about it which is making me worry we are the weird ones for being a bit horrified!

OP posts:
ICanBuyMyselfFlowersICanWriteMyNameInTheSand · 31/08/2024 22:32

Neither DH or I are confrontational and so we both just sort of sat there shocked.

Oh come on it's not confrontational to say..."well actually we are looking forward to our very rare chance of a lie in, so please don't wake us up before 9am, I'm sure your smoothie and run can wait until after that"

Original poster
morningbbrew · 31/08/2024 22:32

Bellatrixpure · 31/08/2024 22:31

Getting up for a run no problem, and hope he brought one of those innocent smoothies with him

Not BIL when he makes a smoothie its like watching a science experiment in action Grin

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 31/08/2024 22:33

I find it strange when a house guest tells you their morning plan, without asking.

So do I, and even stranger that the host doesn't reply with "By all means, go for a run, but please make your smoothie now and put it in the fridge, and leave the house quietly in the morning. We need our sleep"

I don't understand why families can't communicate with each other. This isn't being confrontational. It is merely a polite request.

@morningbbrew I agree that you need to hide the smoothie maker, but you do need to leave a note because he will slam cupboard doors or even come and wake you up looking for it.

Surely if you hear the blender all you will do is thing 'rather him than me' then drift back to sleep? It's not like he's using a pneumatic drill.

@ForPearlViper a lot of people can't get back to sleep that easily. DH can't. He really wouldn't appreciate being woken up early if he can't get back to sleep.

And I hate it when people thud around our streets early

You must be a very light sleeper @Drinkandthink

Original poster
morningbbrew · 31/08/2024 22:34

ICanBuyMyselfFlowersICanWriteMyNameInTheSand · 31/08/2024 22:32

Neither DH or I are confrontational and so we both just sort of sat there shocked.

Oh come on it's not confrontational to say..."well actually we are looking forward to our very rare chance of a lie in, so please don't wake us up before 9am, I'm sure your smoothie and run can wait until after that"

Edited

That's fine but we are all different and also he didn't really give us a chance to reply so it would have meant following him up the stairs to call him out in it. And like I said, it took me a while to process that he really had said that.

I am glad so many people are good at putting down boundaries but we all have different life experiences and different brains that make it easier for some people than others.

OP posts:
ICanBuyMyselfFlowersICanWriteMyNameInTheSand · 31/08/2024 22:37

Yeah I understand people are different and I'm making the point that you are viewing something as a confrontation that really does not have to be. Your the host he's the guest, just aim to have open conversations...not confrontations.

RampantIvy · 31/08/2024 22:38

so it would have meant following him up the stairs to call him out in it.

TBH. I would have followed him up the stairs to politely request that he doesn't use the blender at 5.30.

Please practice putting your point across politely but assertively. It gets easier every time. Sitting there seething because you couldn't communicate effectively isn't healthy, and people will continue to walk all over you.

Notcontent · 31/08/2024 22:40

I live in a terrace house and so even if home alone I would not use my blender at 5.30 out of consideration for my neighbours. They are as noisy as a drill.

thing47 · 31/08/2024 22:41

@morningbbrew my adult DS (who lives with me) goes to the gym early every morning and I honestly don't hear him go down the stairs, unlock the door or let himself out.

But he doesn't make a smoothie or get in the shower until everyone else in the household is up because, you know, common courtesy. And he has manners. If your BIL does not, you are going to have to be quite clear in your conversations with him that no blenders or showers are going to be used before x time on a Sunday morning.

Shinyandnew1 · 31/08/2024 22:43

TBH. I would have followed him up the stairs to politely request that he doesn't use the blender at 5.30.

Me too!!

Tbh, I think that making any sort of noise in someone else’s house at 5.30am is not on!

Delphiniumandlupins · 31/08/2024 22:45

Make yourself some kind of noisy bedtime snack. Hopefully you can wake him up and the disturbed night means he sleeps in tomorrow morning.

silentpool · 31/08/2024 22:45

I'm an early riser so have learnt to be quiet. If I was staying with someone else, I definitely would not do what he is proposing.

GinAndGooseberries · 31/08/2024 22:48

Good luck

Didimum · 31/08/2024 22:51

They are your guests and you are hosting them. You do what’s required to make their stay comfortable and enjoyable.

MissPeachyKeen · 31/08/2024 22:52

Didimum · 31/08/2024 22:51

They are your guests and you are hosting them. You do what’s required to make their stay comfortable and enjoyable.

There are requirements of etiquette on the visiting guest, too. This man is not meeting them.

Maria1982 · 31/08/2024 22:53

morningbbrew · 31/08/2024 22:34

That's fine but we are all different and also he didn't really give us a chance to reply so it would have meant following him up the stairs to call him out in it. And like I said, it took me a while to process that he really had said that.

I am glad so many people are good at putting down boundaries but we all have different life experiences and different brains that make it easier for some people than others.

Show quote history

I just wanted to say
1)it’s completely unreasonable for a guest to be getting up that early and making noise (blender definitely counts as noise), and as a light sleeper I feel your pain

  1. regarding puttting down boundaries etc - I’m the same, I certainly wouldn’t be ready with an instant response to this kind of thing !
MissPeachyKeen · 31/08/2024 22:53

I would have responded with,
"A blender at 6am or earlier? Wake me at your peril!"

Didimum · 31/08/2024 22:54

MissPeachyKeen · 31/08/2024 22:52

There are requirements of etiquette on the visiting guest, too. This man is not meeting them.

Show quote history

Only if he’s excessively noisy, which has not taken place yet.

NotSmallButFunSize · 31/08/2024 22:54

Do people not speak to each other, particularly in their own family??

"Wake me up before 8 and you're dead" would suffice in my family!

Bluerinsebrigade · 31/08/2024 22:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Goldbar · 31/08/2024 22:59

Why couldn't you just say to him "Of course you can get up whenever you like, but if you wake me up before 9am you'll be leaving this house in a body-bag"? Seems reasonable to me.

Silviasilvertoes · 31/08/2024 22:59

We have a big stone house with thick walls. I can still guarantee that using the blender at 5:30 would wake everyone up, probably give me heart failure and would be the last time he was ever invited to stay. Would be the last straw for my DH if he was on the edge of burnout too and he’d probably explode at BiL. Run fine, blender - no.

MermaidMummy06 · 31/08/2024 23:01

I'd 'move' the blender (as long as he's not the sort to wake you to ask where it is).

If he later asks, just say you diidn't want to be woken at 5:30am by a blender & sorry, but we need the sleep more than you need a smoothie & we didn't get a chance to reply last night so had to take drastic action! ...and laugh.

As for the run, I regularly walk very early in the morning & have never woken anyone in my household.

BobbyBiscuits · 31/08/2024 23:01

Just lock the blender away in your room and say he can have some juice and fruit but blender is broken. Also make it firm and clear nobody else will be anywhere near ready to wake then!
He's fine to wake when he wants but disrupting others at that hour is out of order.

HappiestSleeping · 31/08/2024 23:04

@morningbbrew I might be tempted to wait up another hour or two and then make yourself a smoothy just to see whether it wakes everyone else up. Then you would be able to mention that you don't want to hear it at 5:30am 👹

Maddy70 · 31/08/2024 23:04

Just tell him not to wake you. No big deal