To think this is too early for a house guest to get up?

[morningbbrew]

My husband's sister and her husband are staying over for the weekend. They don't have children we have two young teens but they are both at friends this weekend.

DBIL has just gone to bed and cheerily announced as he did that he would be going out for a run at 6.00am and would bring a key (they have a spare as they house sit sometimes). Plus he casually mentioned something about making a smoothie beforehand so it actually sounds like he's getting up at more like 5.30am.

Neither DH or I are confrontational and so we both just sort of sat there shocked. But I am just not sure what to say. Our house isn't tiny but equally I am pretty sure all his getting ready etc is going to mean we wake up. And weekend lie ins are rare with two kids and associated activities!

I mean I guess he could be joking but he's not really that kind of person. His wife (DH sister) is normally quite sensible and she didn't seem at all embarrassed about it which is making me worry we are the weird ones for being a bit horrified!

In your house it sounds like he is being unreasonable from what you’ve described. In my house someone could get up and sneak out without waking anyone else up. But if the size / layout of the house means they’ll inevitably wake everyone else up then yes, that is very rude and selfish.

I think I'd be wanting the spare key back after that 5am performance, OP. And looking for new house-sitters - hopefully, living where you do, you won't be short of offers from less entitled people than your BIL. What an oaf!

This thread has been an eye opener for me. I am one of those early morning exercise people and I always try to gauge when the household are planning to get up and then get up early enough so that I will be back before then. I have always felt it was rude to want to carve time out of the main day for my own exercise and a bit showy off to be exercising when others aren’t planning to. This habit has resulted in me getting up very early in some people’s houses over the years- until this thread it had not occurred to me that might be rude- obviously I try my best to be quiet and always have everything prepared the night before and would never dream of making a smoothie. I hadn’t thought anyone would be too bothered if they were disturbed by someone trying to be quiet though- I have always felt that one of life’s great pleasures is waking up and realising you don’t have to get up yet, so you either get to really enjoy that last doze or get an opportunity to lie in bed and read/relax. This thread has blown my mind.

I'm not sure - that wouldn't wake me up, but if it would wake you up, ask him not to make the smoothie - tbh making a smoothie as a guest is a bit much! He could make it the night before if you are OK with that?

I like your thinking

I don't think you sound anything like the OP's BIL, you're being very mindful of other people. This guy, not so much!

I don't think you've been doing anything wrong getting up and getting your exercise done, but when it comes to sleep everyone's different and you shouldn't be blasé about waking people up. I have insomnia at times and struggle to get to sleep until the early hours. If I was then woken up a few hours later I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep and honestly I'd probably cry at how exhausted I was (this from experience!)

He sounds like an insufferable bore OP. I hope you manage to catch up on your sleep soon!

Agree entirely with this post. If I get woken up at 5am that is 100% me done for the day. It can quite easily be the case at 4am. Totally reasonable to get up and exercise quietly but I definitely wouldn't be chill about waking anyone up at that time in the morning.

You’ve definitely made me rethink how people might feel about being accidentally woken early- I don’t sleep much myself, because I don’t set aside much time for sleeping, not because I can’t sleep when I try to so I’m probably off with my judgement. To the best of my knowledge I have never stayed overnight with an insomniac.

It does go to show though how much we all have norms in our own families though that only come out when you share living space with someone outside. Sometimes you do have to spell out for others what is a problem for you, rather than just assuming it’s obvious.

My husband usually comes to bed after me- I would think he was rude if he turned the bedroom light on after I was already asleep, but he pretty much always wakes me and that’s fine with me. In the same way I would never turn the bedroom light on when I get up early, but I have never worried about the fact my alarm goes off at 05:00 every day- even on holiday.

'I hadn’t thought anyone would be too bothered if they were disturbed by someone trying to be quiet though- I have always felt that one of life’s great pleasures is waking up and realising you don’t have to get up yet, so you either get to really enjoy that last doze or get an opportunity to lie in bed and read/relax.'

REALLY??

I find that incredibly arrogant of you. To impose your own idea of the supposed 'pleasure of being woken up early' on other people. Have you asked as any of your hosts how much they actually love this imposition of yours?

If I am in the habit of sleeping to a certain time, that's how much sleep I need. Being woken up earlier means I'm sleep-deprived, so experience an unpleasant day.

Waking naturally at my normal time and then realising I don't need to be up yet - that is a pleasure.

So I do understand your point about getting your exercise in first and not carving a chunk out of everyone else's day. That's reasonable. But thinking it's ok to wake other people up early because your intentions are good... that's self-absorbed, self-justificatory twaddle.

As I said- this thread has made me rethink what I had always assumed was me being polite. What I have discovered is that I have the potential to be the unreasonable one without ever having realised that.

To the best of my knowledge I have never actually woken anyone else up getting up early (other than my husband), I do try to be quiet! Anyway, staying overnight in other people’s houses isn’t something I do all that often so hopefully there aren’t loads of people in my life seething at my unreasonable behaviour…

The op lives in a nice spot ans they all want to come down- she’d just say no more visitors if she had to get up early every time she had any so her guests would all be much unhappier from the sounds of it! I’m not even sure they were really invited, or if they invited themselves. Your rules don’t really apply here.

I'm glad you're rethinking it. I'm a bit surprised you've never asked anyone if they mind. As I said before, being woken a couple of hours after drifting off affects your night less than being woken a couple of hours before you normally wake.

Take the blender into your room.

This is a good idea, I would take the blender upstairs and hide it in my wardrobe lol

Hopefully they’ll be more respectful next time and quieter! Lucky you let them stay there, sounds lovely!

Ask him to make the smoothie the night before & say you hope he's quiet when he gets up as you like a lie in on a weekend. You shouldn't feel bad for asking family simple things like this.

It's Monday

A blender is hardly a pneumatic drill YABU

I’m intrigued. If it’s rare, are you really not able to forego it for a day or so?

I'm not sure I would be able to sleep through someone using a blender in my house TBH.

You must be a very heavy sleeper.

Blenders wiht ice in them are a bit like a pneumatic drill really.

I'm not a heavy sleeper,there would be 3 fire doors between me and the kitchen and my blender isn't very noisy

I don't think most households have three fire doors between the bedroom and kitchen. HMOs would, but I don't live in one.