To think this is too early for a house guest to get up?

[morningbbrew]

My husband's sister and her husband are staying over for the weekend. They don't have children we have two young teens but they are both at friends this weekend.

DBIL has just gone to bed and cheerily announced as he did that he would be going out for a run at 6.00am and would bring a key (they have a spare as they house sit sometimes). Plus he casually mentioned something about making a smoothie beforehand so it actually sounds like he's getting up at more like 5.30am.

Neither DH or I are confrontational and so we both just sort of sat there shocked. But I am just not sure what to say. Our house isn't tiny but equally I am pretty sure all his getting ready etc is going to mean we wake up. And weekend lie ins are rare with two kids and associated activities!

I mean I guess he could be joking but he's not really that kind of person. His wife (DH sister) is normally quite sensible and she didn't seem at all embarrassed about it which is making me worry we are the weird ones for being a bit horrified!

I assume like the OP you mean taken the dog, I also assume you don't know any serious runners who get up at 5am for their runs, they dont go with random dogs, thier own dog maybe who was used to that kind of activity and knows what to do but you cant just pop a load on any old dog and think they can run with you

Well if you've got this far in the thread, you've presumably clocked that:
The OP is disabled
Her DH is exhausted
It is a rare child free weekend for them
It's the being woken up that she objects to, not the early morning run itself
Bil knew they needed to sleep because sil had a word with him last night not to use the blender
Bil still managed to wake up the dog and let it out of the kitchen even though he knows not to. Thereby waking up the entire house.
I'm all for solidarity with fellow runners, but not with complete muppets.

I think I would get a bottle of pre made smoothie for him. Leave it in the fridge. Hide the blender if you don't feel comfortable asking him not to use it!

Honestly if i had guests staying & they wanted to be in bed by 8.30pm & up waking the whole household at 5am I would find that utterly weird. And rude.

We're generally eating dinner at 8pm & if we've guests that would definitely be a fancier affair & the evening would just be getting started.

I remember years ago we were invited to visit friends of dh in another city.

We were all in our 30s. No children yet. Saturday evening. They served up the dinner at about 7pm & the wife was in bed by 9pm . It was hugely uncomfortable & absolutely made us feel unwelcome. We've never stayed with them again.

Once she'd gone up the stairs the husband was tiptoeing around & it was obvious he was v conscious of not making noise etc so not exactly a relaxed atmosphere for chatting & catching up.

He was dh's best friend from boarding school & he'd lived abroad for a few years prior so they hadn't physically seen each other in a while. We'd hosted him before that in our house & made a great fuss & this visit was our first time meeting his new wife as they married abroad.

We felt her behaviour was v odd

Honestly if I had guests staying & they wanted to be in bed by 8.30pm & up waking the whole household at 5am I would find that utterly weird. And rude.

I don't think I would have wanted to host someone who keeps those hours unless it was for health reasons.

When I have family and friends to stay it is for social reasons. We would sit over a bottle or two of wine and dinner until well into the evening.

Unless someone is ill or works shifts I agree that going to bed to go to sleep at 8.30 is pretty unusual.

Those were exactly my thoughts too @1offnamechange!

Surely for a weekend visiting family you don’t vanish to bed not long after dinner and before 9pm?!

And there aren’t many folk who are voluntarily up at 5am on a Sunday so to wake the whole household - who presumably went to bed later - is unbelievably thoughtless.

Honestly, I’d be raging 😂

They are gone now which is great. It's good you mentioned the morning noise so next time before they come you can bring it up again. My DH has barred his sister and her family staying at ours as they are awake into late night so we are putting them in an Airbnb next time.

This isnt a random dog though. If the dog isnt able, then maybe he could run later so as not to wake the house up when the dog wakes up. He house and dog sits regularly so will know this happens. He just doesnt care

👏👏👏

I agree it’s helpful to sense-check and consider other views. This thread’s certainly been enlightening for me too. I thought there’d be v few people who’d think it’s fine to get up at 5-6am to go for a run when staying at someone else’s for the weekend. At least not without talking to them about it first. But around half seemed to think it’s OK, as long as you’re quiet. I’m really laid back, a heavy sleeper and don’t mind noise at all. I sleep through thunder storms etc. It wouldn’t wake me if a guest got up to use the loo or get a glass of water. But my front (or back) door being opened would usually wake me. It’s like a 6th sense for security. It does when my kids get in at all hours, even though they’re as quiet as poss.

I agree that it seems that he doesn't care but I dont think criticising him for not taking someone elses dog on his run is valid.

A number of my friends are quite serious runners and not one of them takes their own dog with them nevermind anyone else's, it just not a thing you do as a one off ime

I had a parent who was like this and we lived in a house with poor sound insulation. I always felt sorry for my neighbours as well as myself and siblings.

So that’s why I did the exact opposite as an adult and am careful about not waking people despite being an early riser.

I'm not a particularly health conscious person, I don't run and I don't make early morning smoothies. I do however go swimming at the local gym every Sunday morning and I leave the house at 6:30am.

I am absolutely silent. My bag is packed the night before, I tiptoe around my own bedroom and silently leave the house, sleuth-walk down the driveway and gently open and close my gate so as not to disturb the neighbours. I don't risk waking even my own immediate family, my husband and kids, nor the people living nearby that I barely know.

There is absolutely no way I would disturb the peace and quiet of a person to whom I was a guest. Especially if I didn't know how deep of a sleeper they were or what time they had gotten to bed the night before. I would hardly be able to breathe.

He's not acting normally IMHO.

You're under no obligation to read the whole thread, but expecting the OP to give you a personal update when she's already posted what happened this morning is almost as entitled as Mr Smoothie-Maker.

I think your final paragraph is a bit dickish, if you don't mind me saying so. The 1996 Noise Act defines "night hours" as 11pm to 7am so deliberately waking people up at 6am or earlier is pretty inconsiderate, just as making excessive noise at midnight would be.

How noisy could a runner be? Unless they are loudly singing along to their music or raining in hob nailed boots I can't see how a normal run would wake a person inside their house

That's ENTIRELY reasonable. If he can't see how out of order he is, he definitely doesn't deserve a repeat invite.
You live in Cornwall too so he's benefiting from a free summer hol visit to a holiday and is that inconsiderate?

PP can't be bothered to read all the posts, and the OP hasn't posted such an overwhelming number of times that you couldn't read them all in a minute but also expects the OP who isn't tagged to reply personally 😁

Shame they’re moving on today.

You could have waited until BIL was sound asleep and then let the fog into his room.

I don’t think he’s thoughtless/ over familiar. I think he’s deliberately being an arsehole. Once the annoyance of choice was off the table , he decided to clatter about and wake the dog up and let him out instead,

Does he understand the impact of your disability and believe that you’re both genuinely exhausted, or is he one of those who thinks you should snap out of it? It sounds like a deliberate punishment for what he sees as laziness.

I agree, although I guess certain acoustics and other factors (terrain, etc.) combined with being a light sleeper might mean you would hear someone running. Either way, I think it's a bit crappy to be gleeful about the prospect of disturbing someone's sleep at (what I would consider to be) the crack of dawn.

I'm a morning person, but I think many of my fellow morning people feel a kind of unwarranted superiority over night owls. I just stay in bed til after 7 if staying at a friend's- bring a book, it won't kill you!

The thing is, there's no direct equivalent for morning people. Your sleep is deeper when you first fall asleep so if others wake you during the late evening when going to bed, you're likely to go off again (insomnia excepted). But once woken at 5am most people wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.

OP I'm glad you raised it even if it didn't sink in. Ball is in their court now if they want a repeat visit- it's up to them to assure you they'll keep normal hours!

Edited to add @Inertia I quoted you as I agreed with your comment about BIL possibly seeing non 5am wakers as lazy... it then clearly set me off on a rant!

Hide the blender

Tell him to pre make the smoothie and that the run should be for a minimum of four hours if he wants to see you awake at the end of it.

And cancel the cheque.

Or fashion it into a time machine and go back and sort it out yesterday 😂