To think this is too early for a house guest to get up?

[morningbbrew]

My husband's sister and her husband are staying over for the weekend. They don't have children we have two young teens but they are both at friends this weekend.

DBIL has just gone to bed and cheerily announced as he did that he would be going out for a run at 6.00am and would bring a key (they have a spare as they house sit sometimes). Plus he casually mentioned something about making a smoothie beforehand so it actually sounds like he's getting up at more like 5.30am.

Neither DH or I are confrontational and so we both just sort of sat there shocked. But I am just not sure what to say. Our house isn't tiny but equally I am pretty sure all his getting ready etc is going to mean we wake up. And weekend lie ins are rare with two kids and associated activities!

I mean I guess he could be joking but he's not really that kind of person. His wife (DH sister) is normally quite sensible and she didn't seem at all embarrassed about it which is making me worry we are the weird ones for being a bit horrified!

Oh crikey op.

I do think your bil was rude to inform you as a fete accompli and not check it would be ok as any polite guest would.
I'm all for an early morning run but I would be super careful not to disturb others even in my own house never mind when staying with someone else!!!

Sounds like he's either really inconsiderate or privately thinks everyone should be up and at 'em at the crack of dawn.

I think when you've had chance to consider how to say it I'd be telling him that too!
'don't want that to happen again because we'd likely fall out, surely you're aware that other people have different needs and your exhausted bil needed a lie in!'

He woke the dog up which resulted in the whole household waking up.

It was the self entitled attitude that was rude.

If he had asked if they minded him going out for an early run then that would have been different.

I wonder if all the posters who are amazed that you got woken up, are ones who get up early when staying at someone else's house and are completely oblivious that they have disturbed everyone else.

OP, I hope you will find a way to address the situation and decide what the right way forward is /as in let them stay again or not etc./

Yup.
It's a strategy, because it's easy to say what you would reply in a two-way conversation.
But totally different if someone chucks an 'oh by the way' over their shoulder as they leave the room.
You've really got to be on the front foot to reel them in with an 'oh no you don't sunshine' rejoinder.

I really would love to understand how the brains of these rude people work. I have been observing this type of behaviour I have a feeling that some of them really dont care while others dont realise what they are causing.

After 20 years of living by the sea in Cornwall and providing free bed and half board (and flippin' holiday itineraries) for numerous friends and relatives over and over again, I sympathise with anyone whose home and hospitality are being taken for granted on a regular basis
Visitors often forget that although THEY are at extended leisure, their hosts probably are not - because we live and work here - DUH!
It sounds like BIL has become over-comfortable in your home. It wouldn't surprise me if he thinks his free house-sitting services are a big favour and entitle him to behave as he pleases in return.
Your SIL should put him straight and if he carries on regardless then you charge him holiday home rental (less cost of any dog care) next time he house-sits.
Very expensive it is to holiday in Kernow!
Some people have got the cheek of Old Nick.
NB. Our particular problems disappeared when we moved upcountry and inland. I wonder why eh?!

I wonder how they were brought up, didn't their parents correct them? I'd be extremely disappointed if my own DC behaved that way. Some sort of toxic main character syndrome?

Like most people, I think using the blender at 5.30am would be rude, but also expecting your guests to have a lie-in until their hosts get up is also rude. DP and I stayed at some friends' house the other weekend, I woke up at 6am as usual and took myself down to the living room to have a coffee (to let DP go back to sleep in the guest room). It was a non-issue. And I frequently go for early morning runs, even at the weekend, and would have possibly done so that weekend if I hadn't been nursing a stinking hangover (thanks to the lovely hospitable friends). There's nothing rude about doing exercise while visiting people!

Best bit of this thread was the poster doing the cat's bum mouth at 6am runners on her street. Next time I'm up and about for an early run I'll think of her and it will make my run more amusing.

Thats what I used to think, that its extreme lack of parenting. Until I realised that my own sister is capable of similar behaviour. With the same upbringing. I am reading into ADHD at the moment which seem to explain some situations in my own family. I am sure with some people it is the way they were brought up or the general toxicity of their families.

Could he have brought the dog with him to avoid ddog waking you all up?

He sounds a bit entitled and way too comfortable in your home tbh

We've said that they are welcome again but we would need to have a conversation about morning noise before they did. It didn't get much reaction at the time so we'll see. I'm not expecting people to stay mouse like till 10am but there has to be a happy medium

As someone else has said it feels like because we live in an area of the country they like to visit that they see this as a holiday home that we somewhat selfishly happen to live in . they are heading off to stay with friends in another part of Cornwall now ... Hopefully they have stocked up on ear plugs

Forget getting up early, I can't believe how early he's gone to bed! Before 9pm? On a weekend?

Surely that's insanely early for anyone over the age of 10 who isn't doing night shifts or is unwell? Even more weird on a saturday night when they've come to visit you and have an adult weekend catching up - surely for most people this involves chatting within a glass of wine for a few hours at the absolute least not in bed at baby time and then up before anyone else making a mess blending shit at 5.30am?

Sounds like he's using you as a hotel

Yes and I wouldn't actually mind being used as a hotel, but I guess I expect a bit of courtesy in return

Going for a run is fine. Tell him to make the smoothie the night before and leave in the fridge overnight.

He could have a) taken Ddog with him for a run and b) just brought an Innocent smoothie or two with him. He's unreasonable, not you OP.

@1offnamechange Forget getting up early, I can't believe how early he's gone to bed! Before 9pm? On a weekend?

I dont see anything wrong with going to bed at 9am per se, weekend or not. It may be a bit weird when visiting if the general expectation is to stay up longer but not everyone can stay up longer without it having an effect on them.
Here it just seem to be a part of a bigger problem.

@katepilar wins the best answer of this particular thread. Thank you for spelling out to those of us who are very happy to criticize that not everyone is capable of reacting in the moment.
@morningbbrew I hope you enjoyed some lovely quiet time once noisy smoothieman had packed up his supplements and left.

So op did he make the smoothie and wake yous up then?

If you read the thread you would know

No blender but he woke the dog up so all woke in the house

I hope you two work out the very direct way to say for next time ‘you can only stay again if there isn’t so much as a sound before 7am, no getting up no making smoothies, no mucking around and waking the dog. If I wanted to be woken at 5:30 id go camping not stay at home in my own house and it’s bloody rude.

Voice your opinion that the smoothie making can only happen the night before.
Ask him to please be as quiet as possible in the morning before he jogs off and ask that he runs for at least an hour so that the household is not disturbed.
Discuss a reasonable hour for noise and breakfast..

If you can only communicate with SIL, do that.
It is your home.

Going for a run wasn’t the issue, tho. Him saying he was going to make a smoothie was. It would wake everyone up.

Crumbs. Cancel the cheque! 🤦🏼‍♀️

I always go to bed between 8.30pm and 9pm, even on weekends as I prefer to be up early and tend to need quite a bit of sleep to feel half human.

I will stay up later for certain things, but otherwise I like to be tucked up early. It's honestly not that strange, everyone is different after all.