DP lied about job

[serenavanderwoodsenn]

DP and I have had a rocky 12 months. His behaviour became unrecognisable as the industry he worked in has an awful culture with drinking after work with colleagues, cheating being rife within staff, there was constant lying that he had gone home (we don’t live together) after work when he wasn’t etc

ultimately, I ended the relationship earlier this year and I was admittedly devastated. We spent some time apart when he came back to support me through a traumatic event. I said I would only try again if he left that industry and it was his choice to make. He left the job and had a few weeks unemployed.

About 5/6 weeks ago he told me he’d found a job (completely different industry), did the interviews and got it. He’s been shifts since however I’ve found out this week he’s been working in the same industry. I was obviously livid as he cannot work in that industry without being sucked into the culture, that’s just his personality. He says he lied because I’d have left him if he didn’t. He wants to make us work. But AIBU to think this was the last shred of trust and he’s broken it? He’s trying to gaslight me that it’s not a big deal As he was earning money for us and I’m doubting myself.

The way he was behaving, drinking, drug-taking, cheating, is the way he likes to behave. In a different industry he'd just seek out similar people, to find his tribe.

I'd dump him pronto.

I had no idea you were a man, never gave it a thought. I was responding to the post, not the genitals.

Anyhoo .....

OP has been clear about the traits she's looking for in a partner , specifically not a drug taker, heavy drinker, cheater or a liar. This turkey is all of those things, though he lied and said he'd given up the vices she was concerned about.

OP doesn't want to change him, she just doesn't want him the way he is .

@Frogpole How on earth were any of us expected to know you were a man? You don't say anything on this thread to suggest that, until you made your paranoid announcement.

End the relationship now. I can understand someone taking on a similar job because no others on remotely the same pay are available, but the lying and the other behaviour are enough reason.

There is no crime being single, better that than a bad relationship.

@crockofshite Genitalia, turkeys that take drugs, what you've decided OP's dating profile says... I'm certain these are all things which are very important to you, but just as before the things you're telling me are entirely unrelated to anything I've mentioned.

Firstly, you can't dictate to somebody which industry who works in as he will only end up presenting you. Secondly if you're not comfortable with him drinking so much and taking drugs and clearly you're not happy with him cheating on you, who would be, you need to walk away from this relationship as you will both end up resenting each other. It will never work! You need to move on and find someone more compatible with your own values. I wish you all the best

You had a rocky twelve months out of how many in total - 12 in total or 12 and 5 great years before. He has cheated and taken drugs and his job might make this much easier to do but you either are drug user and cheater or you are not - and he was. You ended it - because it wasn't for you - you were looking after you. He quit his job - did he or did he lose it and say he quit it for you. He wanted you back and you told him what that would entail - he agreed - all good so far.
The problem then is he has lied - repeatedly and deliberately - he made a decision to apply for the same industry and tell you it was a different one so he was quite willing to lie and continue to do so - so now he is a cheater/ a drug taker/ and a liar.
He hasn't stuck to what he said - my feeling is he never intended to

He needs to either be on his own or with someone who does not mind drug use or expect fidelity and you need to be either on your own or with someone who you can trust and has shared values.