Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lovely ladies help - I’m almost 44, should I try for baby? Help!

401 replies

SunnyWavess · 31/08/2024 00:27

Oldest is 17 now
Youngest 12 now

DC will always have a home and a bedroom each with me. Forever!

I got pregnant 1st time with both kids and 4th month but had miscarriage. I’ve not wanted to get pregnant again and prevented it, but as I’m getting older I want to try one last time.

We’re very secure financially and can afford a 3rd child. DC17 and 12 would love it. They have a bedroom each and we save about £1,500 per month after all bills and food etc…

I may not get pregnant but I didn’t start my periods until I was 16 so I’m hoping at 16 when I started, it gave me a few years for my good eggs!!!

OP posts:
Pablosdog · 31/08/2024 00:29

Go for it op!

Momtotwokids · 31/08/2024 00:30

I had my son right before I turned 40. It is tiring. My son is 27, I am 66, and my husband is 72. Babies are great but I would worry about my health.

theduchessofspork · 31/08/2024 00:31

Don’t be mad.

Get a kitten or something

libertybonds · 31/08/2024 00:32

Following with interest as I have considered this too (same age, some different circumstances)

RampantIvy · 31/08/2024 00:32

Why?

5foot5 · 31/08/2024 00:32

I know someone who had triplets at 43 so yeah I don't see why not.

Kitkat1523 · 31/08/2024 00:36

dont do it……you will be in your 60s dealing with a teenager ….you will be dropping off at reception when you are pushing 50…..enjoy the kids you have….then enjoy the next stage of your life…..at 44 you may consider yourself young……fast forward to 54 and you will be a knackered version of your 44 year old self …..having babies is a young persons game

Mysa74 · 31/08/2024 00:37

As long as you've weighed up the risks, I think you should go for it. It sounds like you'd regret it if you don't. My DC are 12, 7 and just turned 4. I've just turned 50 and am finding it more tiring than last time but she's an absolute delight.

Redshoeblueshoe · 31/08/2024 00:37

I was going to say why on earth would you want to have a teenager alongside the menopause, but actually - you could end up with a terrible 2 and meno.
Not for me, but if it's what you want then that's up to you

MrsSkylerWhite · 31/08/2024 00:38

Had our youngest when I was nearly 40, nearly 9 years after his sister. He’s a fantastic young man now so on that basis, I’d say yes.
It was SO much more exhausting than the first time, though so make sure you really look after yourself and that your health and fitness are the best they can be.

44PumpLane · 31/08/2024 00:39

I personally don't think that I could do it to my children. I am 42 now and still have both of my parents and they had me in their early 30s. I had my children in my early thirties but I do feel that the ris k of your children losing one or both of their parents too soon is very real if you're starting a family at your age.

However, if you were my friend and you got pregnant and had a child I would of course be thoroughly supportive and happy for you.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 31/08/2024 00:39

Absolutely not. Not fair to elder DC, your own body or the baby to have elderly parents at young age.

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 31/08/2024 00:41

Go and enjoy your life. If you have a disabled child you be a carer 24/7

OneLastGo · 31/08/2024 00:42

Oh look OP it'd be great if it happened. But it is very unlikely to happen at just short of 44 and it's as well to face that. I notice the others on this thread talking about getting pregnant were just under 40. The distance between 40 and 44 for fertility is big. Triplets at 43 example sounds like there was some assistance to me. You've been lucky to have two lovely kids already. Try if you want but be realistic and don't expect anything

YankSplaining · 31/08/2024 00:43

My husband is thirteen years older than his half-sister (same mother). When she was little, he mostly found her annoying and she’d get frustrated that she never got to do what “the big kids” were doing. Once he moved out and she entered her preteen years, however, he found her less annoying and she got interested in all of his science fiction/fantasy/RPG/comic book stuff. Now they’re in their mid-twenties and late thirties, respectively, and have a good relationship as adult siblings.

MIL was 42 when SIL was born, and SIL tired her out. (ADHD, hyperactive type.) How will you do if you end up with a really energetic kid? I think if you want to have another baby, you should think through all the details and possibilities of what that could be like.

I don’t think it’s inherently a bad idea, though. Best of luck, whatever you decide.

DoIWantTo · 31/08/2024 00:50

Get a pet.

wandawaves · 31/08/2024 00:51

No.

Silverfoxlady · 31/08/2024 00:55

Hi OP,

I just had my fifth dc at 44. It was a very difficult pregnancy and birth, my body really struggled this time around. More sickness and complications, and my first ever epidural (absolutely scared of having one).

However, I really love being a mum again to a small one, it feels great when the children are old enough to appreciate having a baby around (oldest 16, youngest 10). They really love playing with her and the house is full of giggles at the silly faces she pulls. I have so much more patience and the fact that other children are older is easier.

It took us quite a while to get pregnant (1.5 years) and I had a missed m/c first before this pregnancy. Before this I used to fall pregnant without even trying.

This is such a personal question so close to perimenopause - It feels like someone has rung that ‘last orders’ bell.

Good luck OP.

Original poster
SunnyWavess · 31/08/2024 00:58

Thank you so much for your replies all.

I would be done with my two, one girl one boy. 16/12. The issue is they aren’t DH kids and that’s the tricky bit. He adores them and loves them to bits but it’s only natural he would want to experience it for himself (the adoration and love for your own children)

Mine are amazing 😎 of course they are mine lol and they are delightful.

That’s why DP would like to experience having his own DC. I would like to experience this on his behalf. Holding a newborn in a ‘scrunch position’, taking care of them and adoring them and their siblings xxx

OP posts:
BanksysSprayCan · 31/08/2024 01:01

It’s up to you of course, but what about the other things in your life that you wanted to try but had to put to one side to raise your 2 children? Is it not time for you now? With a good income and savings, all sorts of possibilities open up - maybe retrain to do something you always wanted, or travel. Maybe that next thing is a baby, but be really sure it’s what you want.

Also as someone who was pregnant at 43, pregnancy in your 40s can be a heartache, miscarriages, disability…

ShuffleAndSpin · 31/08/2024 01:03

It’s just a matter of being an older mum to a newborn (like me, had my one and done at 40) and it is exhausting. But you have loads of experience with your previous children so I am way out of my depth, as I don’t know all the stages past toddler.

All the best if you do go ahead!

Smallsalt · 31/08/2024 01:05

I had twins now 16, at 42 un"assisted". I had another at 45, also unassisted.

Straight forward easy pregnancies.
I am not knackered, shattered, traumatised or anything else.

BanksysSprayCan · 31/08/2024 01:05

Cross post sorry - it makes sense that you would want your partner to experience his own biological child. Take care if you proceed, and have a good think together about your plan B if it doesn’t result in a baby.

Prriorayingly · 31/08/2024 01:08

Go for it.

Outliers · 31/08/2024 01:09

Likelihood is so low that you may as well try tbf

Swipe left for the next trending thread