Lovely ladies help - I’m almost 44, should I try for baby? Help!

[SunnyWavess]

Oldest is 17 now
Youngest 12 now

DC will always have a home and a bedroom each with me. Forever!

I got pregnant 1st time with both kids and 4th month but had miscarriage. I’ve not wanted to get pregnant again and prevented it, but as I’m getting older I want to try one last time.

We’re very secure financially and can afford a 3rd child. DC17 and 12 would love it. They have a bedroom each and we save about £1,500 per month after all bills and food etc…

I may not get pregnant but I didn’t start my periods until I was 16 so I’m hoping at 16 when I started, it gave me a few years for my good eggs!!!

Ok so I wouldn’t be here if my 46 year old grandmother hadn’t tried for a 4th with her (then) new husband in 1946. She was a widow with 3 children aged 11, 16 and 20! She had my mum in 1947 and really enjoyed her. My mum then had 5 kids, and now has 12 grandchildren! Mum was adored by elder siblings. I also had DS his dad was 40 and (his) older kids were 12 and 14. They adored him, he’s 18 now they are 30 +. All close. Go for it!!!

Usual scenario. Mum has a new partner so has to add a new baby to the mix. Your family is working well at the moment. I would not add a new baby to the mix. And you sound naïve to think that your older children will be happy for you and your DH to spend most of your energy and time on a new baby.

Thank you for your reply ❣️

I agree with everything to say and that’s why I don’t want to get in to it. I feel too old.

My almost 16 year want to get
on the train to Manchester (I find it really hard! 🙄)

How long have you been with your DP?

how old is DP?

I get the feeling you’d be doing this for your new dp, not because it’s what you or your dcs particularly want.

Im your age and I think you’d be mad to have one at this age and will look ancient at the school gates and be constantly mistaken for the granny! Sounds shallow maybe but think about how that will actually affect you and the child.

And don’t fall into the mistake of thinking the older ones will chip in and help and babysit as that would be unfair.

You come across a bit naive- you should really think seriously think about the pros and cons (and imagine having a disabled child/becoming a single mum at your age). It sounds negative I know but I’m not sure you’re thinking with yourself sensible head on.

I’m your age and have 4 older dcs who are my absolute life, but the thought of having a baby now? Hell no! We just need to get my youngest off to uni in a few years and dh and i will be off travelling!

9 years

41

Absolutely not. Babies grow up, if you're having it purely so a man can experience holding a newborn that came from his ballsack that's a completely ludicrous reason to bring a whole ass life into the world.

I reckon that’s your hormones talking. Your body urging one last hurrah. It’s just biology.

Let’s face it, if as a couple you’re that financially secure and certain about this you would have done it already. Have a think about the reasons you haven’t and ask yourself has anything really changed. are you going through that stage that a lot of women go through at your age? I remember going through it myself. It takes a while to come to terms with the fact that the choice about whether to try for a baby or not will soon be taken away from us naturally. Forever. No-one warns you those feelings can come, and it’s quite a shock when they do. You can start to convince yourself that it would be a nice idea and that everyone in the family would love it.

is your other half a lot younger than you or something?

Cross post. 41. Not particular old for a dad these days. Has HE made a big deal about how he would like a baby with you now all of a sudden? Are you married?

I couldn’t because when I’m 44 I’d have a 18 year old. Would be insane to start again, but also, I told myself that I’d have no more children after my 20s (I have two) but that’s me personally.
you have to do what’s good for you though & if it’s that you choose to have another, then good luck and I genuinely wish you all the best x

If you want to then go for it, I'm 42 and couldn't imagine starting again though.

The baby bit is lovely but all the school runs and the teenage years... not in a million.

Do you really want to or is it more about your partner wanting his own?

If you've been together for 9 years why haven't you already tried/got a child?

I agree it may be the last chance hormones playing their evil little game on you.

Think hard. What if DP doesn't like life with a baby and buggers off? What if child is disabled. All sorts of factors.

I'd be on the side of Hell Nope myself.

Go for it! I had my only child at 40 and she is the best thing that ever happened to me! She is almost 14 and she and I have a wonderful relationship🩷

No, yabu, and especially for the main reason you've given of your dp wanting to experience fatherhood.
Your dp could decide he doesn't like having a baby around and bugger off, leaving you in your 40s and too old to be raising a baby, especially alone.

I'm the much younger child of the same two parents - my (full) siblings are 15, 13, 9 and 7 years older than me. It worked fine. My mother was 40 and my Dad 41 when I was born.

BUT. You say I feel too old. My almost 16 year want to get on the train to Manchester (I find it really hard! 🙄) If you're struggling to keep up with the children you have, don't have another!! And regardless, definitely don't have another unless you'd be absolutely willing, able, and happy to raise this new child as a single parent if need be.

I’m the same age and totally wouldn’t, but I’m permanently exhausted and I suspect knee deep in my perimenopause. Will that £1,500 cover all childcare costs? If not I’d think carefully. Good luck OP!

I do not think this is about your age. Your real dilemma is - I have a blended family of two children and a husband that is working well (I assume it is). Should I add a new baby?
Babies take up a lot of time and energy. You have stated that your existing children would love for you to have a new baby, but is that really true? Do they understand that you will be able to give them way less attention? That any family outings will have to meet the needs of a baby and later a toddler? That your husband may treat his child better than the existing two children?
It is a huge gamble to take.

Would you be able to give the teenagers the attention they need with a baby? What if you needed more time to recover after the birth or if the baby was perhaps a premmie? Is there extended family available to help, if needed?

I was quite surprised at how much parenting teenagers actually need. Mental health problems crop up during teen years, for example. DD developed OCD around the age of 18 and has only now just come good, with medication. Then helping them with stuff. I spent all of last weekend helping DS 18 with his maths assignment as he struggles with it.

Go for it! At least then you can say you tried even if it doesn’t work

If you’re been with your DP for 9 years why is it only now at 44 and 41 that he’s decided he’d like a baby?

The high chance of miscarriage at that age would be enough to put me off tbh. There is a big difference between 40 and 44 in terms of fertility. Especially as it might not happen straight away and before you know it you’ll be 45!

Please look up the risks so you are aware

Also, I often speak to one of the school mums. Our DC started reception last year. She’s one of the oldest mums (early 50s) and she’s told me it makes her feel a bit different to the other mums when doing the school run. People have thought she’s the DCs nan a few times too. Her other DCs are now secondary age and she said last year that it’s weird having to do the school run again

I’m also asking why have you waited nine years? If you wanted children, should have happened five plus years ago, at least.

Also, he’s been in your youngest since she was three, so hardly has missed out.

Sorry, I think it’s too late. Having a baby will change your relationship. It’s a romantic notion, not practical. You’re at that stage now where you can go on holidays and have fun together, rather than trying yourself down.

whos wanting the baby, you or him?

This. Or a puppy. Think of the poor kid ffs. Why does no one ever think of the kid on here 😕