Lovely ladies help - I’m almost 44, should I try for baby? Help!

[SunnyWavess]

Oldest is 17 now
Youngest 12 now

DC will always have a home and a bedroom each with me. Forever!

I got pregnant 1st time with both kids and 4th month but had miscarriage. I’ve not wanted to get pregnant again and prevented it, but as I’m getting older I want to try one last time.

We’re very secure financially and can afford a 3rd child. DC17 and 12 would love it. They have a bedroom each and we save about £1,500 per month after all bills and food etc…

I may not get pregnant but I didn’t start my periods until I was 16 so I’m hoping at 16 when I started, it gave me a few years for my good eggs!!!

The risks to yourself and DC3 seem high.

Your main reason to ttc seems to be pleasing your H who has limited to no experience of parenting babies / small DC.

Did you grow up with older parents @Calamitousness? I did and wouldn’t recommend it. Particularly for OP who already has children.
I felt different to my peers all through my childhood, my parents regularly mistaken for grandparents.
And both unfortunately died before i was mid 20’s.
The only plus points were that they had money and had insured against dying young. But it was still awful.
My kids never got to meet their grandparents which is also a great sorrow to me.

Exactly this. ^ The list of reasons to not start trying for a baby at 44-45 is endless. And many people on this post think this too, as the responses (and poll results) prove. And to do it when you already have children who are teenagers is batshit!

@Calamitousness 's post to me is farcical. I can't even justify it with a response! 😬

I don’t necessarily think it’s that old nowadays. 44 isn’t what it used to be is it. I was pregnant at 40. I would have been 41 when I had him. I didn’t feel old at all. It wasn’t planned nor prevented really. (Pregnancy didn’t work out, though)
However Even if you were 24 I wouldn’t be advising or not advising you to have a baby. It’s not going to be me pacing the floor with them at 2AM in the morning.
Good luck with what ever you decide.

I don’t necessarily think it’s that old nowadays. 44 isn’t what it used to be is it. I was pregnant at 40.

Biologically speaking, it is. The older you are, the greater the risks - to both the health of the mum and the baby. Unfortunately, that's just science.

And still posters keep trotting out anecdata and refuse to believe in statistics.

I was an older parent. It wasn't planned that way. I was told that I couldn't have children then unexpectedly got pregnant at 41. I had evey pre natal test available.

I am also the child of older parents. As a result DD had just one grandparent (DH's dad died when he was very young, and mine died 10 and 13 years before she was born))

I actually agree because the newborn burst is exhausting but you have incredible hormones (and often more outside support and understanding to get through). Allll the years after are very hard.

Fertility wise it's exactly the same as it was 30 years ago

100% this. ^

absolutely right. compared to 'the old days', many 40 somethings have, y'know, skin, teeth, physique, etc that would have been considered highly unusually good in their parents' generation... but the ages at which fertility decline, perimenopause, and so on has not changed by one single minute.

I've have a friend who suffered headaches and migraines for decades. Late 40s she tried a menopausal multi vitamin which made a massive improvement.

She'd tried various supplements at various times but nothing worked until she tried the multi vitamin.

44 is biologically always what it used to be

Yes! Her first is 26 and the second is 15.
She loves her baby but she just cannot manage day to day and is constantly looking for help during the day

I would find the big age gap really hard. It’s a bit of a mental block (or hurdle) I think you have to go through to get into the right frame of mind to do it all over again after such a big gap. Some people love it though and genuinely love bringing up babies over a large time span.

I'm 42 with two teenage dc. I honestly think you're crazy op 😂In ten years time what would you rather be doing, having fabulous childfree holidays and long lie ins or doing the school run/packed lunches/kids parties/parents evening? If it's the latter, then go for it!

Go for it absolutely if you want one more.

If you really any another go for it, but it doesn't sound like you do.

I don't understand responses like this.
Having a baby is not the same as buying a new outfit. At 43 there is a lot at stake. You can't change your mind once the baby arrives.

Your life sounds really good. Could you cope with twin babies or a child with complex needs? What about the menopause with a toddler? I think you’d be mad to consider this. You have two children who sound great. Be thankful.

Are you being ironic or sarcastic?

You should absolutely not base any major life decisions around what a bunch of strangers on the internet say you should or should not do. They do not know you, your full set of circumstances, or how the future will turn out.

I am being fully serious.

Thinks through ...I'm 61, if I'd had a child at 44 they'd be 17 now, very nearly adult. Blimey. I could have done that.

Although ... would I be the person I am now, if I'd taken the risk of pregnancy etc etc at that age? Would that child be well?

Who knows.

You wanna talk to my sister. Had all hers after the age of 39, their dad ditched her eight years back, now she has three twentysomethings still living at home spending all they earn and she's flogging her guts out in her late 60s to support them all and the big house.