Lovely ladies help - I’m almost 44, should I try for baby? Help!

[SunnyWavess]

Oldest is 17 now
Youngest 12 now

DC will always have a home and a bedroom each with me. Forever!

I got pregnant 1st time with both kids and 4th month but had miscarriage. I’ve not wanted to get pregnant again and prevented it, but as I’m getting older I want to try one last time.

We’re very secure financially and can afford a 3rd child. DC17 and 12 would love it. They have a bedroom each and we save about £1,500 per month after all bills and food etc…

I may not get pregnant but I didn’t start my periods until I was 16 so I’m hoping at 16 when I started, it gave me a few years for my good eggs!!!

I also think it’s a terrible idea. You aren’t going to get just a baby, but a toddler, being 50 when they start school! But also for them, no fifteen year old wants to celebrate their mother’s 60th birthday.

Sorry, but that’s a hard no from me.

Nobody can make your mind up for you on this issue. Personally I think you'd be bonkers. Enjoy the life you have!

I'd also consider that you're more likely to have twins in your 40s than when younger. i had a baby when 40, but also gave a parent a lot of care during that time. It was exhausting being torn in different directions. So consider wider family too.

If you feel it’s right for you family then do it. There are more risks to both you and your baby but I am sure you have weighted these up.

Yes I agree with this too my daughter is going to be 10 soon and I have no desire to go back into the trenches with a new baby.

I am planning travel and me time again and I don’t want that to change!!!

But good luck to OP if that’s what she wants.

Who are you really doing this for? You or him. I think you’d be mad to do it. You’re coming up to the stage in life when you’ll have more time to do things for yourself or as a couple. Also you know what it takes to raise kids, especially the baby stage, your DP doesn’t. Having a new baby as older parents isn’t for the faint hearted, especially as the risk of having a child with additional needs increases. Also doubt your older DC are as enthusiastic as you say they are. Are you planning to use them as babysitters? What happens when the oldest possibly goes off to uni in a couple of years time?

I just know my DIL had both hers at 40 and 43 and she doesn’t advise it . She is extremely fatigued a lot of times . But I guess everyone is different. A couple of times she’s been asked if she was the grandmother, although I don’t think people should really get offended by that because realistically you could be .

I had my daughter at 38 and I would have been massively offended if someone asked if I was her Grandma. 😀

I have lots of friends in their late 40s / early 50s - generally living healthy lives - and most of them have in the past few years had their own health issues (mostly gynelogical but also cancer), serious worries about their own parents' health, or something like divorce / mental health problems.

Obviously this isn't the case every time but it's alarming how many of them are having these issues and trying to juggle a young child on top would be very difficult.

Also factor in having to care for your own elderly parents, dealing with teenagers, a new young child and you being peri menopausal. Absolute recipe for disaster!

I think you'd be absolutely insane.

And realistically, if you split up, you'll be left holding the baby and do you really want to do that, alone, in your late forties?

Your older kids are about to embark on new beginnings as they leave home. Don't you want to visit them, take them and their new mates out for nice meals? Don't you want to take them in nice city breaks as young adults? I'm looking forward to being able to do that with my kids - a baby would get in the way of all of that.

Wow so many ageist comments- never aimed at men. It depends on your lifestyle, if you sit on your ass all day, lazy, drinking, scrolling etc then no. If you lead a clean, active lifestyle then go for it. You sound financially stable, everyone in your household is supportive- go for it.

DH saw a school friend yesterday, female and she had a DD the same age as us so she was 44 when she had her. She runs her own business.

You can take a baby on holiday. Your teens will have their own lives soon and not want you tagging along.

I think it's absolutely crazy that he's waited after 9 years together, for the kids to hit teenage years, and for you to hit the stage where it's probably almost impossible for you to get pregnant before he's decided that he wants a baby/ you've decided that you'll consider trying.

Yes, it is fair that he would like his own biological child. However, I don't think it's fair on any of the people involved that you're considering it now.
Would I do it? No, I'm 39 with a 5 year old, and what that took out of my body was and is enough. I can't imagine being a decade older than this and doing it in any way.

Could you cope with a SN child or twins? Both likely.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Everything here.

Plus the very real risk of serious disability from older parents DNA to a child.

There is a very disabled young adult child of older parents locally who has to have two young, fit carers to accompany him
everywhere as he bolts and hits and has frightening behaviours-

It’s not fair on a child to do this to them .
You have two children already.

It’s crazy to risk it.

FFS. Another geriatric parent trying to please a man.

It's obvious your decision. Personally I think you're to old.

Personally I think you are too old and so is your partner. It's pretty selfish at this age. If your partner was so desperate to have children he shouldn't have waited 9 years

Wow so many ageist comments- never aimed at men.

It's not ageism, it's biology.

And it's not aimed at men because they don't go through pregnancies and risk destroying their bodies and health.

It's also women who get left to raise the baby alone if the relationship goes wrong.

I didn’t know being in your 40s made you so old, knackered and knocking on deaths door! No hope for me at 48 😂

Though as I said I wouldn’t want to go back to the new baby stage of life myself, it is not because I do not have the energy, but because I am enjoying my life as it is.

I'm like you in that I started my periods late and conceived naturally at 44. Problem free pregnancy, no nausea or anything else, worked until 4 weeks before due date.
Slightly slow labour, needed a bit of help right at the end.

The differences are my DS was my first (and only), and my relationship failed when DS was 2. Despite doing most of it on my own, I've loved every stage.

You know what raising a child is like. I completely understand your dh's desire for his own. If you are both prepared to be 63 when the new one reaches adulthood, then go for it.

Edited to add I'm now 61, DS is 16. I run twice a week, work full time, no-one has ever thought I was ds' gran 😁 We haven't had any issues so far.

In terms of being pregnant and having children, it's geriatric. That's science, unfortunately, whether we like it or not.

Our bodies aren't designed to have babies forever - the risks increase massively as you get older, both in terms of maternal health and the health of the baby.