To be so over my tight, selfish DH every birthday

[IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise]

I turned 57 yesterday. Birthday was a text from husband saying sorry for using last of milk, whoops happy birthday, kids up late, a card eventually. No card from DH, bottle of Lidl wine and a bunch of flowers. Booked dinner out for tonight but cancelled because DH work, rebooked for tomorrow, having had ‘well, I’m not bothered, but if YOU REALLY WANT TO’.

FB scrolling tonight I see a string quartet Coldplay concert by candlelight, not too far away, in an old priory, say ‘ooh, I’ve found a birthday pressy’ and his response was ‘hmph, not my sort of thing’..then ‘what, instead of dinner? What did you get me?’ (30 yr old scotch, dinner out with wine and a book actually’.

I fucking love Coldplay but will ever be able to afford to see them live, I thought this would be a lovely evening and cheapest tickets are £21 each.

Am I being stupid and unreasonable to just fucking want to be spoilt for one fucking birthday? My family have always been hard up so I’ve not had one birthday where it feels like a celebration.

I know this is first world problems, but am I being unreasonable to want to feel the centre of the world for ONE day?

Thank goodness! I hope this is the start of celebrating every single one of your birthdays from here on!

I’m so pleased for you and the lovely Mumsnetter 💐

Your husband is a bit of a tosspot frankly.

If this is one of the London dates, I’ll go with you!

hi @IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise

Glad you had a fab time at the concert. 2022 was my last birthday married to exH. He forgot all about it, then blamed me for having a birthday, I pointed out it had been the same for the last 21 years that we had been together, then he said we couldn’t afford a present for me (we both earnt very good money as senior lawyers and had substantial savings).

I ended the marriage 6 weeks later.

My birthday was last week and my wonderful DP and 2 DC made a huge fuss of me, DP baked 2 cakes, decorated the house with balloons and streamers, had a lovely bouquet of flowers, went out for a nice lunch with a glass of champagne. Back when I was married I used to go on Matches.com and buy myself a fancy handbag to cheer myself up and to make sure I’d have something to open on my birthday or Christmas. Now I can’t afford fancy handbags and neither can DP but I’m so much happier.

I dropped the DC around to exH and he had no idea it was my birthday or even what date my birthday was. After 21 years and 2 kids together 😵‍💫

I hope you give yours the heave too.

Oh well done for going! I know if you have a low social battery it can be so easy just not to bother - so yay that you went! And double yay that a lovely MN-er accompanied you!!!

I'm so pleased for you. I hope this leads to many more occasions where you get the opportunity to put yourself first.

Just bloody delighted for you.

(PS - and "d"h can fuck off quite frankly!)

Aww I'm so glad you went and had fun and hopefully made a new friend too! Sod the DH!! Xx

This is the best update 😊

This is great! Glad you enjoyed

This is fantastic! Well done op. Glad you had a great night.

good on the lady for reaching out too.

Great update, make sure you have a better birthday next year by being single for it and much happier

Also don't bother with his birthday and I mean zilch: it's just another day like any other day. Any comment from him you can just say that you've realised, thanks to him, that it really is very tedious, costly and pointless having to buy cards, presents and make an effort so you can both agree not to bother in future though I would be careful to organise something fun for myself and refuse the fucker any opportunity to be involved.

Oh, that’s PERFECT

What a lovely update - and a lovely MNer!

Love this!

good for you OP.

So pleased for you that you got to do what you wanted OP. Result!

Wonderful update - glad you both had a lovely evening.

Genuinely sat here crying 😭

@sunseaandsoundingoff "My dad is from a culture that doesn't celebrate birthdays and he just never understood them. Never understood why they would be important, didn't really get them, found them a bit awkward"

My DD's partner is Hindu. The first time his parents invited us to share Diwali with them, we found it a bit awkward too because we weren't sure of the significance of it or what to do because it's not part of our culture. The first time!

That is just SO LOVELY!!!!!

What a fantastic update, thank you OP. We don't always get updates & are left wondering so it's nice when we do get one.

Great update. Go out more. Alone or with friends. Shock your lazy DH.

Hurray!!!! Happy belated birthday OP!

THE BEST UPDATE!
Keep prioritizing yourself, it's not just for birthdays 💜

That's a fantastic update I'm so pleased you had such a wonderful time and found a new friend. Best of mumsnet.

👍