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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so over my tight, selfish DH every birthday

307 replies

IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise · 30/08/2024 22:15

I turned 57 yesterday. Birthday was a text from husband saying sorry for using last of milk, whoops happy birthday, kids up late, a card eventually. No card from DH, bottle of Lidl wine and a bunch of flowers. Booked dinner out for tonight but cancelled because DH work, rebooked for tomorrow, having had ‘well, I’m not bothered, but if YOU REALLY WANT TO’.

FB scrolling tonight I see a string quartet Coldplay concert by candlelight, not too far away, in an old priory, say ‘ooh, I’ve found a birthday pressy’ and his response was ‘hmph, not my sort of thing’..then ‘what, instead of dinner? What did you get me?’ (30 yr old scotch, dinner out with wine and a book actually’.

I fucking love Coldplay but will ever be able to afford to see them live, I thought this would be a lovely evening and cheapest tickets are £21 each.

Am I being stupid and unreasonable to just fucking want to be spoilt for one fucking birthday? My family have always been hard up so I’ve not had one birthday where it feels like a celebration.

I know this is first world problems, but am I being unreasonable to want to feel the centre of the world for ONE day?

OP posts:
Sometimesright · 03/09/2024 16:12

CrowleyKitten · 03/09/2024 16:03

probably even funnier to get something like a lynx gift set or something. because it sounds like you've always tried to make his day special, and he's not bothered doing the same. so he could whinge about you not bothering, but a generic and rubbish present makes the point better, I think.

Show quote history

I love that! Maybe some pants and socks from Poundland even 😂

CrowleyKitten · 03/09/2024 16:14

TinyGingerCat · 30/08/2024 23:03

If you were my friend I'd go with you (and i can't stand Coldplay 🤣). Get on your phone now and get a girlfriend or two to go (cocktails beforehand obvs)- lifes too short for shit birthdays and your dh isn't going to change is he.

right. I've gone to things I wasn't that fussed about doing for friends birthdays before. and usually had a decent time too. birthday girl chooses the activity, and if I can afford to do it, I will.

Caroparo52 · 03/09/2024 16:17

Go on your own to Coldplay and enjoy.

2catsandhappy · 03/09/2024 16:32

@IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise I have never shouted online before but hear me, WELL BLOODY DONE!
I am holding you to the update!

sunseaandsoundingoff · 03/09/2024 16:56

My dad is from a culture that doesn't celebrate birthdays and he just never understood them. Never understood why they would be important, didn't really get them, found them a bit awkward. I know the concept of buying someone a present and a card is easy to understand, but he just found the whole thing very difficult.

I try to see his side by looking at it from a Polish "name day" perspective - as well as birthdays, apparently in Poland they all have a day of presents like a birthday when the day of their name comes up once a year. I find that quite a hard concept to understand or relate to why you would have a day for that like a birthday. So I try to think of it like that.

ChickenBoona · 03/09/2024 19:05

@2catsandhappy 😂😂😂👍👍👍
Hear you well? WE DO!

AmIEnough · 06/09/2024 12:42

LuckysDadsHat · 30/08/2024 22:17

Book 1 ticket and take yourself and have a lovely evening. Fuck the rest of them.

Also his next birthday do fuck all. He doesn't deserve it.

This!! Absolutely this!! Happy Birthday 🎂

Original poster
IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise · 04/10/2024 22:11

Hello,

I promised to update, after the lovely, mystery MN-er who reached out and invited me to go to the concert with her..

Well, it was this evening, it was amazing and she is even more lovely than the genuine random kindness 🥰. We live astonishingly near each other so hopefully we will come up with more adventures.

Oh, and it totally shocked the DH and he was quite jealous!

Thank you Mystery MN-er

OP posts:
cushionfiend · 04/10/2024 22:26

Lovely update!

Greydays3 · 04/10/2024 22:29

So pleased to read this.
I hope this is the beginning of a wonderful new friendship for you both.
OP, start looking for things outside the home to help you meet new people.
It is never too late.
Your husband is a mean miserable man.
Don't waste your latter years with him.
Start quietly getting organised to leave.
It may take time, but taking back control will do you good.

CrowleyKitten · 04/10/2024 22:34

IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise · 04/10/2024 22:11

Hello,

I promised to update, after the lovely, mystery MN-er who reached out and invited me to go to the concert with her..

Well, it was this evening, it was amazing and she is even more lovely than the genuine random kindness 🥰. We live astonishingly near each other so hopefully we will come up with more adventures.

Oh, and it totally shocked the DH and he was quite jealous!

Thank you Mystery MN-er

so glad you had a lovely evening, and it sounds like you've found a new friend too. you deserve it

doneandone · 04/10/2024 22:35

What a super update op!!

GCAcademic · 04/10/2024 22:37

What a lovely update. This site is bloody marvellous sometimes!

Hohofortherobbers · 04/10/2024 22:53

Fab! I remember your post, thank you for updating 🥰

StHilarion · 04/10/2024 22:55

So pleased that you went and enjoyed yourself. I hope this gives you the confidence to enjoy yourself on your terms

Learntorun · 04/10/2024 23:09

Brilliant

ObstinateHeadstrongCrone · 04/10/2024 23:18

What a lovely heartwarming update OP and good on the mystery MNer. Sisterhood at its finest.

Fastback · 04/10/2024 23:21

Hurrah!

Waiting9 · 04/10/2024 23:22

Oh I love this! This is why it’s important to make/maintain friendships during marriage

Fluffygoon · 04/10/2024 23:26

Fabulous 😃

Startoftheyear2024 · 04/10/2024 23:27

Brilliant!

Bambi1449 · 04/10/2024 23:34

What a lovely update - really glad you got to go to the concert! You really deserved a fun evening out and I'm sorry your husband is so selfish! You deserve so much better.

Mylittlepea · 04/10/2024 23:41

Love this xx

betterangels · 04/10/2024 23:45

IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise · 04/10/2024 22:11

Hello,

I promised to update, after the lovely, mystery MN-er who reached out and invited me to go to the concert with her..

Well, it was this evening, it was amazing and she is even more lovely than the genuine random kindness 🥰. We live astonishingly near each other so hopefully we will come up with more adventures.

Oh, and it totally shocked the DH and he was quite jealous!

Thank you Mystery MN-er

Love this. I hope you get out there and live life a bit more. Your husband sounds insufferable. Carve out a life for yourself within the marriage until you decide what to do.

Musclebeach · 04/10/2024 23:46

This is so lovely! really pleased you had a fun night
sod DH!