DP just invited four people to dinner tonight and assumed I'd cook

[Anthologist]

AIBU? DP has a flaky but well-meaning (ADHD) friend who on Tuesday invited DP over to supper at Flaky Friend's house tonight. So today I thought that as I'd be here alone this evening I'd just have leftovers and instead of doing the big shop I normally do on a Thursday, I'd shop tomorrow.

FF invited DP over because FF's rather nice posh French girlfriend was due to be away and they planned to watch some rubbish bloke film they both enjoy. Half an hour ago FF contacts DP and says that FF's girlfriend hasn't gone away as planned so their TV date is off — but tell you what, FF and lovely girlfriend will both come to dinner here instead because FF doesn't want to disappoint DP who was expecting an evening with FF. (FF has a different way of seeing things than most people) DP agrees to this in in my hearing, with me yelling SAY NO at him from the hall. He ends the call and then asks what I've got for dinner tonight...

Now FF's partner is a fantastic cook. She cooked for us a couple of weeks ago and it was special. I'm not a bad cook but I want some notice (and some decent fresh ingredients) before cooking for her. So I say no, no way, cancel, cancel, cancel, terrible mistake — and a few choice suggestions for what DP can go and do to himself. He's shouted back about me being a fun sponge and inflexible and how I'm never happy having people round on an impromptu basis and he'll invite whoever he wants to visit in his own home...

We've only had shouting matches like this three or four times in our 14-year relationship, so this is major and I feel very shaken. I take a cup of tea out to the garden to get away from him for ten minutes. Meanwhile OP is in full huff mode and announces when I come back in that he's organised two other people, one of whom can't eat anything with tomatoes in it and one who's a vegan, to join him, FF and FF's partner for this impromptu dinner. I'm invited, too, if I want to be involved.

I've said I'm not cooking, so DP (who probably cooks three times a month, usually sausages or a burger) has found an online recipe for which we have the ingredients and is now preparing butter bean stew with chilli and peanut butter on rice. Stodge of the highest, brownest, vegan order. I feel really embarrassed in case FF's lovely girlfriend thinks this is something I've planned. I'm always the one who cooks for guests since the day early in our relationship when DP served guests slices of toast with ketchup and cheese on top and insisted it was pizza.

DP says I'm being VU. Am I or do other understand where I'm coming from? Off now to freshen up the cloakroom and bathroom. DP says no need, no one will care — but I do and I imagine FF's lovely French girlfriend will...

We live semi-rurally. Chance would be a fine thing. Ditto a takeaway or pizza or Deliveroo. And anyway, we spent £400 at the weekend hosting some of DP's family. They drank 14 bottles of our wine and we picked up a bill of nearly £200 for Sunday lunch. I'm still reeling from that. DP, wonderful generous, convivial host he is, just loves it all. He's not the one cleaning the loos and putting out clean hand towels.

Just order in, open some wine and take the piss out of DP who is hence forth known as the Flakey one. I suspect all the others will understand

Have dinner with everyone, make sure everyone knows he cooked, join in with everyone laughing about how revolting his stew is, let him learn a lesson about last minute plans and humiliating himself. Be a hero and have some cheese and beans on toast at the ready.

Well maybe he should be 🤷‍♂️

Go out. Cinema and a meal out, call a friend if you prefer company.
Your DP is obviously entitled to invite pals round but to expect you to cook at no-notice???? My DH knows he'd be ordering a takeaway under those circumstances. That's so not fair to drop that on you. He's cooking, so fair enough, but I'd go out and make bloody sure the dishes weren't left to me.
What an inconsiderate thing to do.

Cross post. Any half way decent pub in the middle where you can all meet instead of your house?

But still take the puss out of flakey DP

I'd most certainly be out for the evening!

Go out, @Anthologist

He’s the problem. He’s hugely disrespectful. And he has obviously used your good nature many times before.

I'd say to DP that you're sorry but you'd completely forgotten you've arranged to meet a friend this evening. Text FF girlfriend and say you're out but that you'd love to have them over another time soon. Then go out.

What's on at the Cinema? I'd be going out and having popcorn for dinner whilst watching something on the big screen.

I’d be going out! Even if it was to sit in my car reading a book somewhere random. This is so fucking rude and he won’t learn how unacceptable it is it you just go along with it

OK, a few observations here:

Yes it was a shit thing to do to you and you need to have a conversation about how you both handled that.

Nevertheless, one of those moments where you pull together as a couple and one of you zooms round the house tidying and plumping, finding wine etc and the other throws some food together.

They are usually the best nights anyway.

Going forward I'd have a special store of really last minute easy to throw together cupboard recipes like crab linguine, garlic bread etc where you just need to run to the local coop for a few herbs, or grab a bought curry from Cook and make a biryani or something.
Or just buy something from Cook or other cook from frozen lifesaver.

I will admit I skim read the OP and thought "Don't eat his miserable bean stew" was an amazing metaphor.

Chill. If they come last minute they may be happy there's something to eat. Let him make the food. Ask if you can help with the beans.
My ex's sister and husband once came over. He asked her if she could help me with the food. Of course! She cooks fabulous meals. She's Indonesian. He and her husband were busy with the bbq. She asks me: What can I do? Ehm throw this ready to eat bag of salad in this bowl while I put the potato things in the fryer. She had to laugh so hard.

You gush about how lovely it is and how nice for him to cook for a change and you're so glad he's got into cooking so you don't have to be the sole cook anymore.

did you eat out for for sunday lunch?

So basically friends girlfriend doesn’t want the hassle so you have been given it

just leave him too it

* DP, wonderful generous, convivial host he is, just loves it all. He's not the one cleaning the loos and putting out clean hand towels.*

well he also doesn’t do any of the cooking it would appear

Dear God, go out! I'd be right out of there and down the pub for dinner!

I’d just order in. Pick your favourite take out and order a variety. Chinese food would be easy. Rices/noodles and a vegan main as well as a non tomato main and a variety for sharing. Easy.

Stodge of the highest, brownest, vegan order.

I was totally with you until I read this childish description.

DP orders from nearest fancy Indian takeaway.
It will cost him near £1000.
He'll remember not to do this again.
While he's waiting for delivery, he can clean the loos.

I can't see that it needed to be a big argument that's left you shaken. Sounds a bit mountain out of a molehill.

'That's fine, DP. You can cook for them'. He's already found a recipe he can use which is great.

If this is an otherwise supportive relationship and if the house is not ready, you can both whip round getting it tidy while the meal is cooking.

I’m still getting over spending £400 hosting guests at the weekend and still having spare cash to entertain again so quickly

He's not the one cleaning the loos and putting out clean hand towels.

Why?

Honestly, you’ve been massively disrespected here. If I were you, I’d be going out before anyone turns up. Let DH think up an excuse.