DP just invited four people to dinner tonight and assumed I'd cook

[Anthologist]

AIBU? DP has a flaky but well-meaning (ADHD) friend who on Tuesday invited DP over to supper at Flaky Friend's house tonight. So today I thought that as I'd be here alone this evening I'd just have leftovers and instead of doing the big shop I normally do on a Thursday, I'd shop tomorrow.

FF invited DP over because FF's rather nice posh French girlfriend was due to be away and they planned to watch some rubbish bloke film they both enjoy. Half an hour ago FF contacts DP and says that FF's girlfriend hasn't gone away as planned so their TV date is off — but tell you what, FF and lovely girlfriend will both come to dinner here instead because FF doesn't want to disappoint DP who was expecting an evening with FF. (FF has a different way of seeing things than most people) DP agrees to this in in my hearing, with me yelling SAY NO at him from the hall. He ends the call and then asks what I've got for dinner tonight...

Now FF's partner is a fantastic cook. She cooked for us a couple of weeks ago and it was special. I'm not a bad cook but I want some notice (and some decent fresh ingredients) before cooking for her. So I say no, no way, cancel, cancel, cancel, terrible mistake — and a few choice suggestions for what DP can go and do to himself. He's shouted back about me being a fun sponge and inflexible and how I'm never happy having people round on an impromptu basis and he'll invite whoever he wants to visit in his own home...

We've only had shouting matches like this three or four times in our 14-year relationship, so this is major and I feel very shaken. I take a cup of tea out to the garden to get away from him for ten minutes. Meanwhile OP is in full huff mode and announces when I come back in that he's organised two other people, one of whom can't eat anything with tomatoes in it and one who's a vegan, to join him, FF and FF's partner for this impromptu dinner. I'm invited, too, if I want to be involved.

I've said I'm not cooking, so DP (who probably cooks three times a month, usually sausages or a burger) has found an online recipe for which we have the ingredients and is now preparing butter bean stew with chilli and peanut butter on rice. Stodge of the highest, brownest, vegan order. I feel really embarrassed in case FF's lovely girlfriend thinks this is something I've planned. I'm always the one who cooks for guests since the day early in our relationship when DP served guests slices of toast with ketchup and cheese on top and insisted it was pizza.

DP says I'm being VU. Am I or do other understand where I'm coming from? Off now to freshen up the cloakroom and bathroom. DP says no need, no one will care — but I do and I imagine FF's lovely French girlfriend will...

i bet annoyingly tonight will go really well

Food one bill (£35 x 6 plus two starters, came to something like £203. Drinks paid on a separate tab. Gosh, you lot are into the fine detail, aren't you...

They are like a dog with a bone.. 😂

Strange assumptions about me! You’re wrong, but I’d rather enjoy dinner with friends than “have a good old go at my feet and toenails”. Each to their own though 👍🏻

If only the OP had a bone she might have been able to assemble a fragrant broth with vegetable peels and something unknown from the bottom of the freezer.

Don't make those comments. No one would be telling him to say it about you.

You can come to mine if you need somewhere to hang out.

Some of us still do that sort of thing 😎😎

It’s not odd. I have a family coming over for dinner next week, the wife is a great cook. I’m more conscious of cooking her a great meal then I would be for my sister, who is just glad to be invited and will eat anything.

I also don’t mind cooking for this family as DH has asked me to. DH often cooks for my family so I’m happy to return the favour.

OP, in your shoes, I would go out if you think you won’t enjoy this meal.

Ye gods this have you been reading the Stepford Wives handbook again? “The sign of a good housewife is being able to conjure up warmed nuts, a crab linguine and a Sarah Lee gateaux for 6 on a moment’s notice. You should be able to anticipate your husband’s whims in all circumstances and attend to them with a smile.” Why should she be preparing for the next time her husband decides to spring 4 guests on her with no notice when she just wanted a night in and a sandwich?

Is it really that hard to imagine someone planning on having a night all by herself, being a bit pissed off about suddenly last minute having four guests to cater to with no food at home?

Not all people are like you, but this might also be difficult for you to understand.

Are you too far from anywhere that would offer a late evening pedicure? (Is that even a thing?)

OP let him learn the lessons. If he even hints at you stepping in to help then go for a long walk. If you're in the house he'll expect to be saved

All i was saying is under £200 for all in for 6 people is…. worryingly cheap

then you said you’d forgotten to add coffees sms all drinks.

and another poster pointed out… odd way to bill,

I hear toenail clippings go well with vegetable peelings. Not sure they count as vegan, mind…

It was supposed to be mildly funny. I'm sorry that you didn't find it so.

im curious

all the other times you’ve entertained… you have done and cleaning and all the cooking?

😂😂 Poor OP.

How's the cooking coming along?If I were you I'd go to the cinema!

God, I'd have to be out.
I couldn't sit through that.
Hate butterbeans as it is.
Adding chilli and peanut butter to them doesn't sound any better.
I'm sorry for you.

Why not both? Yum delicious this bean mess. Great you came over. Don't mind me. Just grinding me fungal nail.

Definitely, yes. Best bet would be calling out a vet for an emergency hoof trim.

And now I'm going for that shower.

The last time dh tried this with me I completely refused and he didn't speak to me for 9 days.
The time previously his cousin's called to say they were coming down in 20 minutes, I'd just done the school run and was getting ready to leave for work and he was not happy that I didn't hang around to cook them breakfast.
Honestly op, I'd leave him to it and go out. Saves you from the inevitable further embarrassment you are already feeling in relation to the girlfriend.
I'd text the flaky friend and let him know you already have prior arrangements and you hope they enjoy dp's stew. You may or may not see them later deyon when you get back

You are being unreasonable, why take it on yourself. DH offered, he doesn't the catering. You're going to yoga/whatever. If he needs it hopefully there is a dominos or similar locally. This will teach him for future because it sounds like he won't learn any other way - and perhaps he'll even enjoy the cooking/ordering/whatever they do.

Sometimes, people just really want a quiet evening. Unless you are intensely extroverted, that’s surely not very hard to understand? I love my friends and I enjoy entertaining. Sometimes, it’s the last thing I want to do and I’d much rather have cereal for dinner, watch Bridgerton and give myself a pedicure. I suspect this is fairly standard.

OP wanting downtime isn’t the issue, here.

I’m not an easy host. Last minute plans in my house would send me into a full melt-down. I would
be furious if DH did something like this. He wouldn’t though because he is not a complete and utter jerk. My XH used to do stuff like this. Note the X. Complete personality clash.