DP just invited four people to dinner tonight and assumed I'd cook

[Anthologist]

AIBU? DP has a flaky but well-meaning (ADHD) friend who on Tuesday invited DP over to supper at Flaky Friend's house tonight. So today I thought that as I'd be here alone this evening I'd just have leftovers and instead of doing the big shop I normally do on a Thursday, I'd shop tomorrow.

FF invited DP over because FF's rather nice posh French girlfriend was due to be away and they planned to watch some rubbish bloke film they both enjoy. Half an hour ago FF contacts DP and says that FF's girlfriend hasn't gone away as planned so their TV date is off — but tell you what, FF and lovely girlfriend will both come to dinner here instead because FF doesn't want to disappoint DP who was expecting an evening with FF. (FF has a different way of seeing things than most people) DP agrees to this in in my hearing, with me yelling SAY NO at him from the hall. He ends the call and then asks what I've got for dinner tonight...

Now FF's partner is a fantastic cook. She cooked for us a couple of weeks ago and it was special. I'm not a bad cook but I want some notice (and some decent fresh ingredients) before cooking for her. So I say no, no way, cancel, cancel, cancel, terrible mistake — and a few choice suggestions for what DP can go and do to himself. He's shouted back about me being a fun sponge and inflexible and how I'm never happy having people round on an impromptu basis and he'll invite whoever he wants to visit in his own home...

We've only had shouting matches like this three or four times in our 14-year relationship, so this is major and I feel very shaken. I take a cup of tea out to the garden to get away from him for ten minutes. Meanwhile OP is in full huff mode and announces when I come back in that he's organised two other people, one of whom can't eat anything with tomatoes in it and one who's a vegan, to join him, FF and FF's partner for this impromptu dinner. I'm invited, too, if I want to be involved.

I've said I'm not cooking, so DP (who probably cooks three times a month, usually sausages or a burger) has found an online recipe for which we have the ingredients and is now preparing butter bean stew with chilli and peanut butter on rice. Stodge of the highest, brownest, vegan order. I feel really embarrassed in case FF's lovely girlfriend thinks this is something I've planned. I'm always the one who cooks for guests since the day early in our relationship when DP served guests slices of toast with ketchup and cheese on top and insisted it was pizza.

DP says I'm being VU. Am I or do other understand where I'm coming from? Off now to freshen up the cloakroom and bathroom. DP says no need, no one will care — but I do and I imagine FF's lovely French girlfriend will...

I would fuck off out he can saybyounhadvarrangementband he has not checked

Don't quote the OP.
Do read the OP's posts before offering your opinion.

Okaaaaay

Wait until they arrive and order pizzas, so no-tomato person and vegan person can choose their own!

This!

Listen to @AromanticSpices. She is right on both things.

There are numerous updates from the OP - why not read those then you would find out.

Why do so many people not bother reading the thread - or at least the OPs updates. You do know that it isn't always possible to "just get a curry"?

I'm going to take the high ground here! I'd absolutely let him know what an idiot he'd been dumping us in this situation. But then I'd start hurling instructions at him; think of something simple to prepare but from fresh ingredients which you could get from the local shop/supermarket. Some fresh Tagliatelli, good mushrooms, garlic and black pepper and a creamy or cheese sauce - very easy. Some good garlic bread, you could have dips to start or a simple prawn salad starter, nice and fresh and easy. And the best desert he can find in the supermarket and some good wine! OR he can clean the bathroom and cloakroom and you can fetch the food - personally I'd prefer to go and get it.
If everyone turns up early, it's drinks and nibbles and ask people to help with chopping because they all know you didn't have much notice.
It's not worth having WW3 over this, especially as it sounds like you two don't argue a lot. You never know he might take you to dinner tomorrow to make up for it! Enjoy your evening, it's nothing that serious in the grand scheme of things....

Just get a takeaway and let them pick their own dish. It's a bit cheeky but not worth a massive fall out over imo.

This thread has made my day - MN at it's fabulous best - Heathcliff, the carriage and horses - should go into MN Classics.

Going forward I'd have a special store of really last minute easy to throw together cupboard recipes like crab linguine, garlic bread etc where you just need to run to the local coop for a few herbs, or grab a bought curry from Cook

This is one of those times where I realise how very very very different I am from some other MNers 😂

OP, because you live semi rurally with no deliveroo service, and also because the dinner was last night, I’ve got a great idea! Why don’t you just get something delivered! And ask them to not only travel to an area they not deliver in, also to time travel! Honestly, such a simple solution. I’ve no idea why you’re fretting about it.

And while we’re at it, you know the guy you live with who you’ve had a couple of shouty arguments with in nearly a decade and a half? Leave him. He’s a bastard. Trust me. I know more about him than you do. I mean, I don’t, but let’s not get bogged down with the reality now, shall we? 😁

FF is off his meds and a bit manic — not listening well, hijacking the conversation and yawning when other people were talking about things that were important to them. I understand now why DP struggled with the dump trip last week and why today DP said there was no point in arguing with FF one he'd made his mind up that he was coming. I also understand why the lovely French girlfriend decided to stay home alone. She must need a break.

Oh OP, I can completely recognise this scenario, along with the trip to the dump. DH does indeed have his own FF and it's only the fact that he lives overseas (thank goodness!) means it is impossible it's the same person, they sound so similar. Our FF does not have a formal diagnosis of ADHD, I don't know if he's even aware he has it, but IM (completely unqualified)O he most definitely does.

I know you have signed off this thread now, but if you do come back to check I sympathise with how exhausting it is dealing with FFs and I have enjoyed your thread.

Go out to the cinema or something so it's obvious any terrible hosting is his own work.

I wonder how we'd know...

OFFS!!

YANBU. Go out now, leave DP to his 'cooking' and arrive back home 5 mins or so after FF & his girlfriend have arrived. Act pleasantly surprised at seeing them when you arrive home & find them there. Then ask DP what he has prepared for dinner, exclaiming loudly about how (wow!) he has managed to prepare dinner without any fresh ingredients and before the weekly grocery shop/delivery so well done him! Pour yourself a glass of wine, sit back and enjoy being fed by DP, allow yourself to enjoy FF & girlfriends company unencumbered by cooking duty. DP can be the 'fun sponge' for the evening: he can do the cooking, dishing up, clearing up, and then loading the dishwasher for good measure, and see how jolly he feels after that. Enjoy!

RTFT.

It was last night.

It's done and dusted- OP has updated the thread, several times.

And after she's paid she needs to cancel the cheque...

Just read the fucking thread.

Are people doing this on purpose now?

"Just get a takeaway". No that wasn't possible as OP has clearly stated in her updates, and anyway, the dinner was last night.

DH is BVU, expecting you to cook at the drop of a hat for a small dinner party?! I would be saying exactly the same if my partner did that! Dunno why DH didn’t suggest them coming over and you ordering in food and watching a film afterwards or something, or even go out for a meal?! Hope you all had a good time in the end anyway.

@Anthologist

This thread turned into some sort of deep novel to me, & I enjoyed it very much. Thank you & goodnight.

The OP has said they’re parking the thread. Just skim over the posts that annoy you.

Hilarious thread OP 🤣 thank you for the laugh.