To have said this in front of my husbands (and mine boss)

[VickyMcVities]

My DH has form for belittling my feelings about completely legitimate concerns I have. He literally laughs often in front of other people including our children. This has on more than one occasion resulted in literally injury to one of our children because he refuses to heed my worries (I asked him to close a door whilst I breastfed our youngest as I was worried our middle child would climb out of an open window in that room, he refused, laughed and guess what? Child fell out of window and cracked her head open. I could give more (less dramatic but highly irritating examples).
At a recent work BBQ we were having a discussion in front of his boss (not big boss but reporting boss) and I said "our 18 year old daughter is not sleeping in a car driven by Joe Bloggs (a young male we all know to be silly and irresponsible) after a party. She'll freeze and it's dangerous." DH laughs and makes out as if I'm going overboard and everyone is doing it and I'm fussing. As the BBQ was a family event my 13 year old daughter was also present and another colleague.
I finally just cracked and said very very calmly (possibly weirdly calmly!) "DH if you ever belittle my legitimate concerns in front of our children again I will instruct a solicitor to divorce you" and I walked off.
I accept on the face of it that I may have gone overboard in an inappropriate context. HOWEVER I have had fucking years of this and am sick of it. I am also under huge amounts of stress right now due to very very ill close family and I'm having to reduce my working hours at my own expense to look after them so am not in a good place. (Be gentle please!)

It doesn't. Lots of people, including me have said he was a shit, but that didn't stop that the door or window needed closing which the op knew and didn't do herself.

Seriously? How is she going to stop an 18 year old. What she was saying was mad to start with.

It's done now, he sounds a dick and the office rumour mill may now be well oiled for a few days.

I'd be giving you a supportive smile if I was present, because I hate that belittling behaviour.

It wasn’t that subtle 😆

Do you have a habit of being a bit dramatic OP?

Oh sorry, I assumed you meant you were being facetious rather than sarcastic, so I was actually being sarcastic 🙃 bit dickish of me I admit.

I said I was being sarcastic not facetious

@LadyKenya Because if I heard a parent laughing at another parents concern about the safety of their child in a vehicle with a young reckless driver (irrespective of if the child was 8 or 18) I would think they were an arse… HTH

ok but as annoyed as you may be with your husband do you want their work colleagues to think badly of them?
bear in mind that these people’s opinions of him have an impact on his job security/ earning potential etc.

From the title I think the Op works in the same place.

She very might have impacted both their jobs.

and women are usually judged more for snapping, than men are for thinking their wife’s concerns are silly

"DH if you ever belittle my legitimate concerns in front of our children again I will instruct a solicitor to divorce you"

Surely people don't actually speak like that? 😅

Completely unreasonable.

But it wasn't about the driving? She was worried she'd be cold our 18 year old daughter is not sleeping in a car driven by Joe Bloggs (a young male we all know to be silly and irresponsible) after a party. She'll freeze and it's dangerous."

Well everyone would, but as that’s not what this was I am unsure why you made the comment. She’s worried her daughter will be cold. And all the kids are staying in cars. Unless it’s the dead of winter, I’m not sure I’d class that as a safety concern. More an overbearing parent one.

The boss doesn't know the history, nor does he know you as well as he knows your DH. He only knows what he was forced to witness.

Your DH's comment was slightly uncomfortable to listen to, at worst. Yours was toe curling uncomfortable to witness.

Given that he and your DH probably get on reasonably well, I'm going to guess that he'll be more sympathetic to him than to you. At worst he thinks you're a maniac. Airing your dirty linen in front of him and your 13 year old was horrible for all of them.

If a woman came on here and said that her DH had said what you did in front of her boss, this thread would have been nothing other than LTB responses. There certainly wouldn't have been anyone cheering him on.

I agree, it was a pompous and horrible thing to say in front of her kid, over something she’s no say over, a bunch of kids sleeping in their cars after a party. Quite frankly I’d have responded as her husband did.

Did you never look out for hazards when your children were little? Did you allow them to play in the middle of the road? If your DH had let them would you have asked him not to or just stood and watched whilst they were run over?

Sounds like he was belittling you in from if your boss in the first place. As for 18 year old daughter I understand and it seems your fears are justified as for being 18 yes she can make her own decisions just as she can pay her own rent and food. Yes maybe the divorce bit was a little much at a party but to be fair I think after the window incident you would have kicked him to the kerb anyway. Also for those saying she could have shut the door herself firstly she was breastfeeding and secondly is it a big ask for a father to protect his child.

He’s a dick! Well said.

Did the people saying well done realise your 13 year old was there?! It sounds like a horrible environment for them to be in with their parents sniping at each other.

Yes, exactly.
Nothing to be clapping and Pom Pom waving at, at all.

Sounds like it was the last straw for you OP. I don't think you were bu; he's been dismissing and invalidating your feelings/concerns for some time by the sounds of things, and doesn't appear to have any problem doing it in front of others', so well done for taking a stand.

Why not, he does it to her repeatedly. She's very stressed and has reached her last nerve.

Absolutely, who's going to explain to the 13yo if it was actually only an empty threat to get control, or if they're going to be sitting stressing that their parents are divorcing?

Yeah but the examples she’s given,he’s right to push back. I mean cmon, the daughter is 18, and sure he didn’t shut the window many years ago, but neither did she. His job is not to just agree with her as she’s a woman; she’s clearlymotg always right.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy
This really isn't about her 18 year old DD sleeping in a car (although I think any DM would be concerned about this).
It's about OP being continuously humiliated and emotionally abused in front of children, colleagues etc for a very long time.She then just loss it and quite rightly so.OP I feel for you this would happened me I wish I had spoken up earlier because my eldest DS has little respect for me.