To have said this in front of my husbands (and mine boss)

[VickyMcVities]

My DH has form for belittling my feelings about completely legitimate concerns I have. He literally laughs often in front of other people including our children. This has on more than one occasion resulted in literally injury to one of our children because he refuses to heed my worries (I asked him to close a door whilst I breastfed our youngest as I was worried our middle child would climb out of an open window in that room, he refused, laughed and guess what? Child fell out of window and cracked her head open. I could give more (less dramatic but highly irritating examples).
At a recent work BBQ we were having a discussion in front of his boss (not big boss but reporting boss) and I said "our 18 year old daughter is not sleeping in a car driven by Joe Bloggs (a young male we all know to be silly and irresponsible) after a party. She'll freeze and it's dangerous." DH laughs and makes out as if I'm going overboard and everyone is doing it and I'm fussing. As the BBQ was a family event my 13 year old daughter was also present and another colleague.
I finally just cracked and said very very calmly (possibly weirdly calmly!) "DH if you ever belittle my legitimate concerns in front of our children again I will instruct a solicitor to divorce you" and I walked off.
I accept on the face of it that I may have gone overboard in an inappropriate context. HOWEVER I have had fucking years of this and am sick of it. I am also under huge amounts of stress right now due to very very ill close family and I'm having to reduce my working hours at my own expense to look after them so am not in a good place. (Be gentle please!)

Second this. If i had been a work person in listening into this conversation I would have rather wondered what kind of arse your husband was to provoke his wife in to saying something so (rightfully) forceful in a public setting and be judging him not you.

I bet the OP's 13 year old didn't think it was a joke.

I might have because I had babies that were straightforward and easy to breastfeed but I know plenty of people for whom it wasn’t and I’d still point out he was a feckless prick.

You’ve embarrassed him in front of his boss. That was out of order and to say that in front of someone else in any case was wrong and inappropriate. These are discussions to have in private, however frustrating your DH may be.

Your daughter is 18. You cannot dictate what she does. You are being very controlling.

Your DH does sound like a dick so I feel for you in that respect.

Why would you automatically assume that the Husband is an arse, and had provoked the OP into saying that? Strange.

Oh come off it. By that argument women would never be able to feed a second or third baby unless another adult were present.

Your husband shouldn't belittle your feelings or concerns especially not in front of your children but yabu to threaten divorce in front of your children. Now he's got a tit for that he can use when you tell him off for being dismissive in public

However, I understand you cracked. I have said things that are inappropriate in front of others because I've finally had enough and I've seen many of my friends, family and acquaintances do it. Don't beat yourself up too much. It happens.

I don't usually support things on the basis of "Well he stated it but in this case he had a go at you in front of an audience. Therefore it was fair enough you responding in front of the same audience.
Some people are like him, they don't take notice until you grab them by the lapels and shake them. Which seems to be where you have got to.

I would have applauded you OP. Ignore everyone else. My partner does this too and it grates and grates, I'm sure I'll end up saying the same thing soon.

BFing can always be paused when necessary. Whether its an easy BFer or a nightmare. The baby doesn't combust if they are unlatched for a few seconds.

I’m not sure what your point is. There was another adult around this case. Yes, it can be very difficult to feed a second or third baby without another around - not impossible if you have to but that’s not relevant here.

Say it in front of him only and not his boss, that was way out of line. You accused him of belittling you but then did the same to him.

What did you H say after? Have your words had the desired affect?

It is relevant because the OP and orher posters are trying to make out that breastfeeding one child meant she couldn't do anything to prevent the injury to the other.

And why have a window open so wide in the first place that a 6 uear old could climb out of it?

This!

You’ve embarrassed him in front of his boss

He embarrassed her in front of their boss. I guess that’s not as bad?🤪

I think the point is the husband refused to close the window but hey no worries the wife will get up and do it and let’s have a go at her if she doesn’t.

But where does it say it was the same room?
Maybe she heard baby just wake up and go upstairs to feed, on her way up to baby on the stairs as baby is screaming she sees a door open on the other side of the house- maybe they have a mansion or balcony extension and tells her dh to close the door because shes already doing a job far away from the door and he's currently talking about how he might go for a walk becasue hes so very bored, while standing right next to the f-ing door...
What does it matter?

He didn't say 'sorry can't the postman's collapsed and I'm on the phone to 999!'
or even ignore the request. He outwardly criticised her request and belittled her concerns.
And then when her fear happened he didn't reevaluate his ideas and his acceptance of criticising her concerns because he kept doing it.

He sounds like a prat. YANBU OP

Perhaps it was opened that wide by the DH and the OP only noticed when she started feeding. The OP realised the window could
present a risk and asked the other available adult to close it. This appeared to be mentioned by the OP as a moment where she realised her perception of risk was different than her DH’s and she had found from serious repercussions that she was correct. It didn’t seem to be the “I left it to make a point” moment others on the thread are interpreting it as.

sure but when she spotted the risk and he didn’t do it, why didn’t she get up and close it, why leave it open until her child got hurt.

Why are you still with him if he belittles you
so much?

YANBU. I can see why you snapped.

If the 6 year old is the same child as the now 18 year old, maybe 12 years ago when she foresaw a potential hazard and he laughed at her she thought she was being over cautious- she and her DC learned a hard lesson that day but the DH learned nothing.

Yea tbh, she should have got up and closed it. That wasn't the time or place to make a stand.

Unless you think it was acceptable for op to refuse to help keep her child safe to make a point to the DH?

YABU to bring up your marriage issues at a work BBQ and in front of your boss.

But you are obviously at breaking point and I think you should think about whether you want to be in a relationship with someone who belittles you in front of other people.