To have said this in front of my husbands (and mine boss)

[VickyMcVities]

My DH has form for belittling my feelings about completely legitimate concerns I have. He literally laughs often in front of other people including our children. This has on more than one occasion resulted in literally injury to one of our children because he refuses to heed my worries (I asked him to close a door whilst I breastfed our youngest as I was worried our middle child would climb out of an open window in that room, he refused, laughed and guess what? Child fell out of window and cracked her head open. I could give more (less dramatic but highly irritating examples).
At a recent work BBQ we were having a discussion in front of his boss (not big boss but reporting boss) and I said "our 18 year old daughter is not sleeping in a car driven by Joe Bloggs (a young male we all know to be silly and irresponsible) after a party. She'll freeze and it's dangerous." DH laughs and makes out as if I'm going overboard and everyone is doing it and I'm fussing. As the BBQ was a family event my 13 year old daughter was also present and another colleague.
I finally just cracked and said very very calmly (possibly weirdly calmly!) "DH if you ever belittle my legitimate concerns in front of our children again I will instruct a solicitor to divorce you" and I walked off.
I accept on the face of it that I may have gone overboard in an inappropriate context. HOWEVER I have had fucking years of this and am sick of it. I am also under huge amounts of stress right now due to very very ill close family and I'm having to reduce my working hours at my own expense to look after them so am not in a good place. (Be gentle please!)

Did you think he had closed the window until the accident? Did he imply he had?

Not ok to do in front of the boss. Could have been said in private.

He was embarrassing her and made everybody else uncomfortable who have no idea about their home dynamics by mocking her publicly where he believed she wouldn't be able to respond. It's a well known form of coercive control and abuse, to make her feel small, insignificant, imply that everybody thinks she's crazy/stupid and laughing at her.

It's just as likely that the people around were thinking how awful he was to be trying to bully her in front of them and use them as tools to hurt her - and were very much cheered by her response and the look on his face when she asserted herself.

Totally get what you mean OP. Sounds like the straw that broke the camels back.

He had no problem belittling you in front of his boss so I think it’s fair game to stand up for yourself in front of the boss. If he didn’t want you to respond he shouldn’t have belittled you in front of the boss. It was his choice to FAFO.

Nothing in this interaction made the dh look like 'a knob'. THIS interaction was about the 18 yo at a party and op stressing 'she'll freeze' in the car. Threatening a divorce over this just looks ridiculous.

How would the boss know that he is a knob at home, from what the OP said? For all anybody knows the boss could think that the OP is controlling, dramatic, or any number of things.

As others have pointed out breastfeeding doesn't render you immobile. Pathetic excuse.

And the OP is beyond unreasonable raising talk about divorce at a party in front of her 13 year old child.

Your daughter can sleep where she likes.

Saying that so publicly was unreasonable, yes.

Don’t torture yourself OP. I would imagine bystanders would have thought you were joking. OR, alternatively, they know him and the fact that he is a dick and glad got the earful he deserved.

On the basis of the OP's post, the OP comes across as a controlling dramatist.

Well done. How your marriage survived the winfow incident is beyond me.

He sounds like a nasty twat and a tool.

When you are through this period of stress, do divorce him, it sounds like you are well done.

Don't blame you either.

😂

Agree, this would have back fired hugely, it’s the op who looks like the knob,

he refused, laughed and guess what? Child fell out of window and cracked her head open.

From the OP's post. Apparently breastfeeding triggers a temporary paralysis so OP couldn't close the door/ window.

So 'women' are a hive mind, and must always support the woman in the situation regardless of their thoughts? You're OK with telling these women to 'shut up'?

If I’m sitting on my arse doing fuck all and DH was in the same room and standing up, I’d think it was fine to ask him to close the door on the basis that he’s already on his feet and if he said no I’d think he was a dick.

Agree, and I’m fairly sure if the genders were reversed the poster would have been giving it the husband was bang out of order

I would have been either embarrassed or puzzled why the OP was bringing it up.

I had little, if any, knowledge, who my 18 year old child might be getting in a car with.

Correct. But then I assume you'd get up and shut said window or door to make your child safe?

Perfectly fine assuming you've told him before.

100%

But then I'd get up and close the door, because "ha i was right, now our DD has split her head open" would feel a bit off.

You washed your dirty linen in public, causing awkwardness to everyone in earshot.
You haven’t exactly covered yourself in glory here.
Your list of complaints seem to span a very large period of time, too 🤔
Something happened when you were breastfeeding, but your kids are 13 and 18 now?