To have said this in front of my husbands (and mine boss)

[VickyMcVities]

My DH has form for belittling my feelings about completely legitimate concerns I have. He literally laughs often in front of other people including our children. This has on more than one occasion resulted in literally injury to one of our children because he refuses to heed my worries (I asked him to close a door whilst I breastfed our youngest as I was worried our middle child would climb out of an open window in that room, he refused, laughed and guess what? Child fell out of window and cracked her head open. I could give more (less dramatic but highly irritating examples).
At a recent work BBQ we were having a discussion in front of his boss (not big boss but reporting boss) and I said "our 18 year old daughter is not sleeping in a car driven by Joe Bloggs (a young male we all know to be silly and irresponsible) after a party. She'll freeze and it's dangerous." DH laughs and makes out as if I'm going overboard and everyone is doing it and I'm fussing. As the BBQ was a family event my 13 year old daughter was also present and another colleague.
I finally just cracked and said very very calmly (possibly weirdly calmly!) "DH if you ever belittle my legitimate concerns in front of our children again I will instruct a solicitor to divorce you" and I walked off.
I accept on the face of it that I may have gone overboard in an inappropriate context. HOWEVER I have had fucking years of this and am sick of it. I am also under huge amounts of stress right now due to very very ill close family and I'm having to reduce my working hours at my own expense to look after them so am not in a good place. (Be gentle please!)

Because that takes away the 'it's his fault' rhetoric.
If op was insight of the window, then could have closed it.
If the child who fell is a toddler, or unable to keep themselves safe, should they have been unattended to allow access to climb to a window?

But the DH was airing dirty laundry first. Payback’s a bitch.

You should have said nothing but told your solicitor.

However, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Tell your solicitor anyway. At the very least, download the divorce forms off the you.gov website and show them to him. It might be the wake up call he needs.

Of course she can!

Just want to say I don't necessarily think op didn't shut the door to prove a point. I'm responding in kind to the "well why should she do it" type comments (that do give a "point proving" vibe imo).

I'm fairly sure op regretted also not shutting the door tbf in hindsight (although seems odd to hold that particular issue against the DH given she had equal part in not preventing the accident).

Child could have fallen out of window even if door shut, you know. Anyway, why not get up and shut it yourself if so worried. Baby would stay latched on supported by your arm whilst you did so.

18 year olds are adults and you cannot dictate to them - though advice that Joe X might not be a safe driver might stop a teenager but more likely to encourage!
DH sounds a bit like my ex, who would ask what friend had e.g. smoke alarms etc that I was suggesting we have. Annoyed me and he also did it in front of friends (once criticised a cold starter which had taken 24 hours to prepare because the weather was now cold - in front of (embarrassed) guests). You may end up divorcing him - I did.
Healthy paranoia is useful - it did not stop my 3-year-old nearly falling out of a third-storey window in Spain, but it did wake me from a siesta in time to stop it.

Of course she can what? Tell her 18yo what they can or can't do?

Why didn’t her husband close it?

Because he was a prick? No one is denying that fact.

Not your finest moment to snap, I get it though. Sometimes it spills out before your brains engaged.

You were pushed to the limit, you snapped. In my view it's his doing. He's pushed you and pushed you - he shouldn't have taken that risk in front of his boss, banking on you giggling along or brushing it off and letting him look like the cool, in control parent and you the nervous silly one. He fucked around and found out basically.

If op had a safety concern for their small child, why didn't she close it when he refused?

In this situation, what should he have done?
'Yes dear, you are right- absolutely we will stop our 18 yo making this decision'?
How did this argument even emerge?

There was a safety concern and he refused to address it? Oh well..

You’ve had to reduce your hours. I don’t think you should be doing anything to jeopardise your husbands job. Clearly he won’t lose his job for this but you never know the impact of creating negative perceptions of your husband in his boss’ mind

So did the op?

Yea, the concern the op didnt address either resulting in their child being badly injured.

Oh well??? Blimey I thought I was a shit the time I suggested to DP he should put a coat on DS because it looked like rain and he disagreed so I let it play out and DS came home soaking wet 🤣

Keep your private life private.
Boss or no boss it's got nothing to do with them

It's not even about agreeing or disagreeing with each other, but about respect. Laughing at her when she's talking about her opinion on something is belittling, and it's clearly part of a pattern.

I was being sarcastic

True, but it seems to matter less that the husband didn’t close it.

Queen 👸 👑

Oh good I actually thought you were being serious as some of your other posts have been very similar. Apologies, not like me to miss sarcasm. It was very subtle!

Surely the question is whether the relies viable not who was right or wrong at the BBQ

whether the relationship is viable