To think im not at fault here!!!!

[Ivenamechangedsomanytimes]

Long rambling Post to follow!
Long time poster, name change to hide my humiliation!!!
Perimenopausse which doesn't help but I'm on HRT, which helps somewhat.
I'm starting to think DH isn't a very nice man. Or very nice to me should I say. Been together a long time.

Different personalities but always had a good relationship. I suppose I'm a bit highly strong and perhaps talk too much and too much shit. 😅
DH has always been quite easy going and very tolerant of me and very forgiving if i upset him or had a row. (Not that I've done anything bad!!!).
Except now he's not. Over the past few years he's very intolerant of me. Calls me out on everything I do to piss him off.
I've challenged him over this and he said he's not putting up with my shit.

I can accept my faults and offer to change , or we can split if I'm so bad. He denies he's unhappy.
He says he doesn't want me to change the way I am which is confusing. But seems to think its perfectly OK to pull me up on stuff and then just expect me to forget it.

We have 2 teenagers who I have always been very close to. They are good kids.
I feel like I'm being paranoid , as I now think they are taking their dad's side.
We were on holiday last week and mostly had a fab time. One day we were out and one was cheeky to me and I pulled them up. Teen said I was crazy and embarrassing. And some of the stuff they found funny about me is no longer funny. I get that. They are teens.
Same day, we all had a minor spat whilst playing a board game. I said let's leave the game as it getting argumentative. Dh said "your mum is mental ".
I was raging but didn't want a further row do let it go.
I'm looking at my future and thinking what's in store?
Teens won't want to come away with us in a few years and I adore my holidays. I cannot bear to think of me and DH with him snapping at me and speaking to me like I'm a child or modifying my behaviour.

I know he loves me and i I love him. We lots of happy times.
Things have changed though and DC are growing up. We had such happy times when they were little. Not sure what I'm asking here. Maybe if anyone been through similar?
And if anyone had advice about taking teens on holiday please help!!!!,as I'm also starting to feel I'm forcing them to do stuff or go places I Like. They are school age. I give them options and we go to various places, UK and abroad.

My DH does what you do and I find it incredibly hurtful. He didn’t realise how much it hurt me as I used to brush it off but this year I organised everything (his family member died and he was grieving) and these comments were constant. I refused to let him get away with it but he wasn’t self-aware enough to realise it was his fault and we’d have awful rows. It got to the stage dsd refused to be around him and DS began to call him a bully and ‘defend’ me that he realised he had to change.

So if I were you I’d apologise to your DH and find a way to change these hurtful comments.

I think potentially four things - or a combination of - might be happening.

1 as you say, you’re perimenopausal. You may not feel that it’s having much of an effect but it probably is. Maybe a bit more self awareness in terms of are you constantly complaining, ‘calling people out’ for the smallest things, taking offence at everything and genuinely being overly sensitive?

2 how you describe yourself does sound exhausting. Especially if it’s constant. It’s also probably been exacerbated by point 1. Chill out a bit. I assume you’re in your 40s and he’s probably just… tired of it.

3 is it possible you’ve got ADHD? You sound bit like my partner and I have to keep reminding him to rein it in a bit, especially the hyperactivity bit which for him also manifests as singing, dancing around, generally being just a bit much. Time and place.

4 is it possible your husband is struggling mentally? If he is your antics will be even harder for him to deal with

Being of a similar age and having vivid memories of my own mother going through the menopause I completely understand how it feels. But I’m a firm believer that while I expect people around me to be aware that I’m going through a change I cannot control and didn’t ask for, a certain (large) amount of accountability and responsibility lies on my shoulders to be self aware and ensure I’m protecting my relationships, not letting the hormones get the better of me.

Maybe lighten up a bit, I am a minority parent, husband and two boys, when they turned teenagers they became 'cheeky' towards me too. It's banter, when we all get together now, my children are in their 30's now, it's like a comedy show. Just go with it, I find it hilarious and turn it back on them.

Resurrected this thread to give you all an update. From my last post I've made some big changes. The day after my last post I went straight to the GP and discussed how I was feeling and asked for sertraline.

Since then I've felt differently. Mainly due to the sertraline and also partly because I've changed my behaviour.
Not probably a great way to be but I've stopped engaging in anything too challenging with DH.

I'm keeping things very simple. There are times when I've very nearly said something or made a comment and I've stopped myself. There are times when DH has said stuff that I've been desperate to challenge but kept myself in check.
Sad that I have to modify my behaviour but its,done wonders for my MH.

I'm off work currently due to planned surgery on shoulder. I've booked a little mini break(without him) after my recovery and I can't wait. I plan further trips. .DH incidently doesn't seem to have noticed/ care about mychange in attitude.
It's mad though,as half the time I cant be arsed enough to get.worked up about anything. Must be the sertraline doing it's work.

That really doesn't sound healthy to me OP. The fact that you are actually taking medication to stop you being yourself, and having to reign yourself in, rather than react to the way he treats you, leads me to think that he's actually rather controlling. We have emotions, and the right to say what we think, and if it leads to frequent arguments, then that tells us that we're not with the right people. In your shoes, while you're away after your operation, I'd be giving serious thought as to whether you really want to continue living like this, or whether it's time to face up to the fact that you're no longer compatible. Just because we fall in love with someone and have children with them, doesn't mean that the person we fell in love with won't change once they've got you, (for want of a better expression), caught in their net, lots of men DO change, and not for the better, is this what has happened in your relationship?

I hope your operation goes well, but do take that recuperation time alone, as an opportunity to reassess your life, and decide if this is REALLY what you want OP.

Thanks .
I agree about us maybe not being compatible.
I do think that I did need to modify my behaviour somewhat though. Absolutely.
Plenty of comments upthread too enforcing this.

Fair enough OP, only you really know what the situation is, other people may comment based on what you've told us, but unless we live with you, and see what really goes on, we're not really in a position to judge.

Yeah
I definitely need to lookat what the hell I'm going to do looking forward. We haven't had sex or any Intimacy since the 'mental' comment. He hasn't mentioned it and neither have I.
Not healthy.
I won't say anything as he will say hes fine. He must know that I'm not ,but he won't want to risk a row by commenting or bringing it up.
All I know is I genuinely cannot be arsed to engage in anything too challenging myself atm.

Well just take care of yourself, and do what's right for YOU!

Thank you. I have a lot of thinking to do that's for sure.