Called a c*nt by fellow train passenger - AIBU

[Trainride123]

While getting off a commuter train with my two children, my toddler pressed the "doors closing" button when there was still a man and his bike behind me waiting to get off. The doors beeped but nothing happened (as the door won't close if people are still walking through), and as I walked out of the door I pressed the "doors open" button just to be 100% sure it didn't close. I also told my toddler not to do that again.

The man directly behind me got annoyed at my toddler and made some loud comments along the lines of "what seriously? You must be joking" etc.

When we were all out I turned around and apologised to him but also said that he's only a toddler and nothing actually happened to the door. The man totally ignored me, didn't even look at me. We all walked out of the barriers.

I was so annoyed about his comment and then that he ignored me, that when I came across him again 30 seconds later, I told him he'd been rude. He in turn called me a cnt and rode off on his bike. I shouted after him not to call me cnt and he shouted back "I didn't call you that, I called you a stuck up c*nt". At this point DH had come to the station to pick me up and heard him shout that at me, so DH shouted at him and went over. The man told him that he doesn't know what my problem is as I was behind him on the train and he's already apologised to me, asked my DH which car in the car park was his, then said to let's just leave things, then made fun of a facial condition I have and laughed, and rode off on his bike.

In hindsight I just shouldn't have confronted him should I. I know my toddler was in the wrong, but surely reacting in this way isn't right either.

Don't reply to ppl that are traveling, just think it. He asked which car because he wanted too cause damage to it.

Another example of a man having a go at a woman ( even with young kids).

I guarantee you he wouldn’t have that to a man, particularly a man that looks like he could handle himself.

Fact. I say that as a man.

Pmsl at the yabus on here. Yeah yeah, of course it's fine for a member of the public to call another member of the public who they find irritating "a cunt" in front of their toddler. Totally understandable and justifiable

It’s entirely possible to miss your stop on a train especially as you wouldn’t be able to get off and out of the way as quickly so I think his initial annoyance was fine. A bit passive aggressive but we’re all human. I had a man tut at me for dithering over a seat choice on a train recently. I realised I was holding him up, turned around, genuinely apologised and quickly got into a seat. Try to see things from others perspectives rather than being so defensive and giving a sorry not sorry(which frankly I would have ignored as well). You were both unreasonable but you were the main aggressor

Average cyclist

Would you have said the same to a female member of your family, with two small children, who had foolishly done the same thing? I highly doubt anybody would, with good intentions.

I haven’t seen any posters saying he was right to call her a cunt.

That wasn’t the question. This is AIBU, so people are answering whether OP’s behavior was reasonable. It wasn’t. His behavior also being clearly unacceptable doesn’t change that.

I know someone that rolled their eyes at someone in a car recently in a challenging way, and got a very aggressive response that has taken them days to recover from and their child saw it all and is very traumatised. Not fair, but it happens.

It's fine to be a bit discontent and sigh, or say 'sorry' but think you are in the right, but only a foolish person then goes around starting it all up again a bit later, by calling them rude, that is perceived as aggressive by the other person and I wouldn't engage with them.

Once it's happened, and they are ignoring you, leave it that way in future. It is not worth it at all.

In this case it seems the general consensus is YABU as in You Are Both Unreasonable.

Most people here have said neither party behaved appropriately and both had their part to play in making a mountain out of a molehill. Everyone sucks in this scenario.

He’d have got a piece of my mind if he’d acted like that towards mine as a toddler.
I’d probably have given his stupid bike a kick, as well 😂

The police???

Wtf

I have not seen any posts saying that it was okay what the man called the OP. Posters are quite rightly saying that she should not have gone on at him once she encountered him again. She was on her own with two small children. What if he had attacked her. Is it really worth it?

Fact - as a woman I might have told her to fuck off at the second round of haranguing so No I don’t think it is a “man” thing.

What did you expect to happen when you found him and said he was rude to you 30 seconds ago?? Did you expect him to say oh yes I was sorry??
If you must confront a stranger who mumbles and grumbles about your child kill them with kindness and you'll have the apology you wanted. I would have just ignored the whole interaction- but if you must say something try 'hi again I can see my toddler pressing buttons really upset you and I just wanted to apologise again - little Johnny can't resist a button anywhere and I really lost of track of it with trying not to let him get trampled getting off the train. Again km so sorry to have affected you'... he will be so embarrassed by his grumbling he will apologise for grumbling.

Or as others have pointed out carry on picking pointless fights with strangers and run the risk of getting stabbed, punched, run over....

Why on Earth did you go after him TWICE?! Wtaf. That’s borderline harassment.

Everyone sucks here 🙄 (except your children!)
I can’t believe you went on and on confronting this man, and that your husband went to confront him too!! You two must be getting into a lot of fights with others?

Sounds like you started the confrontation. Bike guy obviously wasn't even talking to you. I'd bet anything he had an earbud in and was in the middle of a conversation with a colleague or whatever. The phrases you mention make no sense in relation to the train doors. So of course he was rude back to you when you randomly went and had a go at him.

@TheRealSlimShandy what do you mean by the second round of haranguing? Which was the first round? I spoke to him twice, once to say (paraphrased) "I'm sorry my child pressed the button. He's a toddler the first time on a train and didn't know that it could close the door?" That's when he completely ignored me as if I weren't there. And the second time I said to him "you were really rude" which I have already said in hindsight wasn't right of me.

And people, genuinely, why are some of you saying that it's ok and not rude that he ignored me the first time? Isn't ignoring someone who is talking to you totally rude?

I mean in terms of calling out rudeness your toddler was the first person to be rude.

Some trains will try to shut the doors on passengers getting off if the close doors button is pressed.

Toddlers generally have a lot of slack cut for them as everyone knows they are not really old enough to be responsible for their rudeness but if they do something that really genuinely does inconvenience people then you will get responses.

Commuter trains are busy, unpleasant, and many people who commute are feeling stressed and are unlikely to be in a good mood. They are the kind of place where kids really do need to be kept quiet and not mess with stuff because the adults are likely to tell it like it is.

When I commuted if a toddler messing about with a button caused me to miss my stop I'd have been livid and you would have known about it. I do have kids (now grown up).
It's a serious inconvenience. Ok he didn't but he wasn't to know that and it sounds like he started sounding off as soon as your toddler touched the button.

I genuinely don't understand this. Are you saying apologising to someone is "going after them?"

Well YABU as well and wrong to expect anyone else outside of your family to find your toddler as funny and charming as you do. Most of us past the small children stage tolerate and do our best to remain calm and patient with them.
From the description of the man in this situation, I highly doubt you would have dared confront him and kick his bike. That would have been an incredibly stupid thing for you to have done.

I was thinking the same thing, you assumed he was talking about your toddler and started acting all wierd by turning and doing some strange ass apology for a toddler and door buttons that don’t do anything (why?!) and then you chase him down after the ticket barriers and call him rude out of the blue? What?! That is so random and bonkers.

He's a toddler the first time on a train and didn't know that it could close the door?

But it can’t close doors while people are walking through! You know that and he knows that…so it makes no sense to think he was talking about your toddler.

You're talking about an ideal world scenario here op.

Or you're being naive.

Replace cyclist with virtually anything else and most of MN would jump down your throat.