Called a c*nt by fellow train passenger - AIBU

[Trainride123]

While getting off a commuter train with my two children, my toddler pressed the "doors closing" button when there was still a man and his bike behind me waiting to get off. The doors beeped but nothing happened (as the door won't close if people are still walking through), and as I walked out of the door I pressed the "doors open" button just to be 100% sure it didn't close. I also told my toddler not to do that again.

The man directly behind me got annoyed at my toddler and made some loud comments along the lines of "what seriously? You must be joking" etc.

When we were all out I turned around and apologised to him but also said that he's only a toddler and nothing actually happened to the door. The man totally ignored me, didn't even look at me. We all walked out of the barriers.

I was so annoyed about his comment and then that he ignored me, that when I came across him again 30 seconds later, I told him he'd been rude. He in turn called me a cnt and rode off on his bike. I shouted after him not to call me cnt and he shouted back "I didn't call you that, I called you a stuck up c*nt". At this point DH had come to the station to pick me up and heard him shout that at me, so DH shouted at him and went over. The man told him that he doesn't know what my problem is as I was behind him on the train and he's already apologised to me, asked my DH which car in the car park was his, then said to let's just leave things, then made fun of a facial condition I have and laughed, and rode off on his bike.

In hindsight I just shouldn't have confronted him should I. I know my toddler was in the wrong, but surely reacting in this way isn't right either.

I fully understand that and you would have been justified in your reaction. Luckily all it did was make the door beep. I'm also a commuter on this train line and the train we took is the one I usually take home so am very familiar with the route and the train. I'm not sure my toddler did it on purpose though. The button was at eye level height to him. I held his hand to help him off the train and I think he was using his other hand to grab something to steady himself and the button was the nearest thing. It doesn't matter though if he pressed it accidentally or on purpose, the fact is he did press it.

Yes, he was vile, but you instigated the second confrontation. He was rude initially, and knowing that, you went in for seconds, and this was the reaction.

Ignoring a stranger who is trying to engage you in an exchange you don’t want to have isn’t courteous, but it’s not totally rude. And you admitted that you switched to the “he’s just a toddler” tack when you didn’t get a response, rather than just letting it be.

If you chose to ignore a stranger trying to engage with you on the train and he then confronted you later on in the station for not being respectful enough to turn around and talk with him when he wanted you to, you’d see that as aggressive and entitled, yeah?

You can pretend as much as you like but you were having a go at him the first time. When you say apologise you say sorry… not sorry but he’s only a toddler. Fine you were annoyed that he got impatient - but don’t pretend it was an apology.

he (understandably) didn’t rise to the bait/fall over himself to say “oh I’m so sorry”. Frankly as someone else said - he may not even have been speaking to you.

You can argue the toss on a forum, who cares, we will all have forgotten about you by tomorrow. But basically you picked a fight because someone annoyed you - and you carried on until they reacted.

who knows it’s hot and horrid today, so maybe you were stressed and tired and reacted in an unusual way (equally so may have he been) - but if this something you do a lot of - I’d think about how it may impact you/those around you.

A serious inconvenience? 😂 get a grip. I despise people like you. You really do make the world a little bit worse.

He specifically mentioned me and my toddler in his mini rant which is why I know he was talking about me. And yes it doesn't make sense because the doors ok our line won't close while people are walking through it, so there was no need for him to get upset with us. All it does is beep.

I understand you OP.. I'm getting more confident as I get older and not afraid to say stuff like this. I'm starting to worry for myself!

If you’re with a child the. Yes. You ignore it yes you ‘let’ them win this once.

Well that’s a new piece of info for the thread. How did he specifically refer to you and toddler? and was it after your first confrontation or before?

And people, genuinely, why are some of you saying that it's ok and not rude that he ignored me the first time? Isn't ignoring someone who is talking to you totally rude?

If you had genuinely been apologising, yes it would have been rude to ignore you. But from what you've said here, you were saying something that sounds more like "sorry not sorry" - it was an apology followed by an excuse and would probably have been evident you begrudged apologising and felt he should really be apologising to you.

Your toddler pressing the button was rude.
He overreacted and was rude in response.
Your non-apology was rude.
Your demand that he acknowledged your non-apology was rude.
You continued to pursue him for an acknowledgement to your non-apology which was also rude.
He was even ruder to you and you and your DH were rude back.

All of you are rude.

Maybe he didn’t want to start anything?

I mean I’d say he was an adult for just ignoring it to be fair

Ignoring people on public transport when you're commuting is entirely normal. It's a survival mechanism. Plus probably had ear buds in trying to shut out the sheer horror of commuting. I just don't understand why you didn't let it go in the first instance. Also I agree with some of the others - your apology was totally a sorry not sorry which would have irritated me even if I wasn't annoyed in the first place....

Both of you ignoring each other would have been a far better outcome than what happened in the end, OP. It's better to keep your mouth shut than to be screaming the rudest swear word at each other in public in front of children.

Can you really not see that?

The cyclist was a bit off but you were wrong to chase after him.
You were confrontational.

The cyclist made a silly comment- what you've quoted doesn't quite make sense.

Why would he say 'Seriously' when you told your toddler not to press the door button again?

Please be careful.

There are some weird people about and you don't know what they might do.

Of course that would have been the best outcome. I have said a number of times that in hindsight I shouldn't have told him he's rude.

So you toddler tries to shut the doors when someone wants to get out with a bike. Do you know how stressful it is to be that person trapped behind a silly child who while they may not know they are doing something wrong, is possibly going to cost you going on an unnecessary stop further down the line, hoiking your bike back up over the stairs getting on another train and then finally getting to your destination. Especially when you might have been at work all day and just want to get home and now the doors might potentially close.

That's really stressful. Imagine if it was you at the next stop and another child was in front of you as you tried to get off with your toddler and they pressed the 'closing doors' button and you felt like oh shit, now I won't be able to exit the train.

You did not need to confront him. People have difficult lives and don't need to be barked at.

not everyone has kids, not every likes kids and not everyone needs to put kids feelings first. In the end they just another human being like everyone else. You are overly sensitive about your kids and just seem like an entitled parent.

She said being forced to miss her stop would be a serious inconvenience. Which in some cases it really would be.

@Trainride123 I 100% understand the first part totally with you. Your child did nothing wrong he's only little and just pressed a button toddlers / small children love a button . The man with the bike was just a grumpy person.

But when you went on your way you should have left it . You choose to go back for seconds some things are best left alone . That was one of them. You will probably never see him again .

100%. Good summary. Stop and think OP.

So one day I stopped a guy beating up his girlfriend. He ran after me…..long story short

he carried with him a huge knife that he then stabbed two boys with….i was carrying my baby at the time

you’ll never know what some people will do

so be very careful

A mistake to engage in such hostilities with random strange man especially when you have ''toddler'' and another child with you.

Yes it’s ok and No he’s not particularly rude.

He’s on his commute. Your kid irritated him (neither one of you is wrong at this point). You commented, he (probably) eye rolled, nodded, ignored you. He was rude but you took offence and made it an issue.

His language thereafter what cuntish (😉) but you created the drama.

@Fancycheese

I said missing my stop would be a serious inconvenience.

It would.

I am severely disabled and use a wheelchair. I have an adapted car. I need assistance to get on and off the train.

On occasion they've re-platformed a train for me because the lift was out and otherwise they'd have to carry me and my bloody heavy wheelchair over the bridge.

Not everyone is able bodied.

I'm very tolerant of toddlers but having been hit twice by luggage I honestly think there should be a limit to how much you can take on a train. Both times I've been hit with luggage the luggage area was full so cases just left blocking the aisle, train slows suddenly and one of the cases flew across and hit me. I have osteoporosis and the irony is the priority seats are right by the luggage so I'm now thinking is the advantage of the priority seating worth it if it comes with flying cases.

OP I'd be annoyed, no reason to speak to you like that but probably not worth engaging with people like that.

Commuter trains and toddlers are not an ideal mix, it can’t be helped of course but there’s nothing worse than the peace and sanctity of a commute being ruined by loud voices, music and I’m afraid, misbehaving toddlers (also people you vaguely know trying to talk to you!). Had yours, by any chance, already given him reason to be a bit cross? Was the button incident just the tip of the iceberg?

Also “he’s just a toddler” is such an infuriating response. It may be perfectly true but the last time someone said it to me was after they’d spent hours on a flight screaming and kicking my chair. Whilst there are lots of allowances that should be made, sometimes it’s also just a crap excuse for not taking charge of your child. It does not sound like it was the case here but he didn’t sound like a child tolerant chap and ironically you seemed to have inadvertently pressed all of his buttons.